I'll Share My Ice Cream....

 

Dear Birthmother,

It's me;Lincoln Daniel. I know my mom and dad have written to you often. Every night they pray that you will find a family to place your baby. We all hope you choose us. I am two, and I like to think things are mine. However, I have considered the opportunity cost, and if you decide to let your baby come live with us, I am willing to share my ice cream. I want a girl named "puppy," or a boy named "henry gordon james. (Those are my favorite trains)." I am willing to share my mom, my dad, and all my toys. For a limited time, I am willing to give up all rights to my vegetables and my nap time.
I have a big heart, and I will help mom and dad take care of your baby. I will hug them every day. I will teach them about Jesus, and we will be the best of friends. I love you already. Thanks for listening

Waiting patiently as two year olds do,

Lincoln Daniel

Let The Wild Rumpus Start

One of my favorite books is, "Where the Wild Things are." Lincoln thinks this is a brilliant book, and he loves to have it read over and over. He loves the part where Max, King of All the Wild Things, says "Let the wild rumpus start." Then, when the Wild things have rumpused he says, "NOW STOP," and he sends them to bed without eating.

WHAT GIVES: they are doing everything they were told to do--I can only imagine the WILD RUMPUS made them really hungry-- I would even surmise that all they wanted was something to eat.

and yet: they don't get to eat. Hmmm...

ADOPTION; Let the wild Rumpus start....now stop.....Hooray! A baby! Oh bummer, no baby...now start....now stop...

Dear Birthmother,

Could you use your wild rumpus power kindly; gently. We are along for the ride, but don't kick us out in the middle of the rumpus! Don't take away what we desire the most.

Waiting,

The Johnsons

My Boys

So, my baby brother mentioned to me last night, "Sis, your blog is interesting." Then he described that that meant that, he realized how hard the infertility/adoption process has been. He followed up with the fact that if he and the Bec had triplets, I could choose one. Thanks Boss. I love you!

WITH THAT BEING SAID:

I will attempt to bring happiness back to the blog by setting Infertility and Adoption aside for a brief moment,

I will spend the rest of this post on my boys;

the boys I love the most in the entire world.

David and Lincoln, I love you guys more than all the stars in the sky.

The following video reminds me of what my husband gives to me every day. (it's country....so if you don't like country--don't listen to it!Also, I wanted to find just the words, but this was the only video that had the song.)David has been faithful to every promise he made to me when we got married. He has been a pillar of strength in our marriage and as we raise our son. I cannot ever join in a conversation where girls say, "you know how boys are." Nope, I just know how David is. He has been gentle, compassionate, and wonderful in every way. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
David, I love you. You were the best decision I ever made.



Lincoln, you are amazing. Your hugs and kisses melt my heart, and I love looking back at all the things you have learned. I remember the day you were born. What a marvelous day. You are a good boy, Son. I love you.

Thanks Mrs. R.

A friend shared this on her page, and I wanted to share it with all of my friends who don't know Mrs. R.

Judge Not....

When my husband and I moved to Nebraska, we became friends with a wonderful couple. I tease my husband that I've seen Mandy more than I've seen him the last year and a half. Well, these friends, have two beautiful sons that they adopted from Russia. I'm sure that this is the couple the Lord needed us to find, so they could be a support through the ugly face of infertility.

We have been blessed to celebrate the boys adoption days for two years, their birthdays, Halloween, and just simple trips to the zoo. Our son Lincoln thinks they are the greatest friends!

 

I have often been amazed at the wonderful blessing of a good life they have been given by being brought to America, in an LDS home, sealed with their great parents.
When we met them, they showed us their adoptive profile, and I remember seeing other people's profiles; all sorts of people.

CONFESSION:

it really bothered me that so many people who had biological children were trying to adopt while there were obviously so many people who had been married for years who were waiting. wondering. praying for a child.

Never mind that for my entire life I ALWAYS knew I would want to adopt. I knew I would want more kids than my physical body would allow. Nope, I just felt bothered.
It wasn't long after our beautiful Lincoln was born, we decided to try for number two. Months and months of disappointing pregnancy tests. Months of sisters-in-law having children. Months of waiting. wondering. praying for another child.

Then, when we faced the devastating friend; infertility...we started talking adoption and it HIT ME. HARD.
Many of those bothersome people probably were in our same boat. They had one or more biological children, and they weren't done with their families.

Well, I repented swiftly, and now I am learning to appreciate the struggle they--we--are facing together.

The Waiting

The Wondering.

The Praying for a child.

I wanted to share a quote that was recently shared with me.

"Patience... helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continuing presence is often a needed part of learning environment of others."
- Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Thanks to those of you who are helping me learn.

Dear Husband, Future Children, and Birthmother:

When I was in high school, buying a yearbook was a big deal. I loved writing in all my friends yearbooks. I was not the typical writer. I always wrote to people's future children, so that someday they would know a little more about their mom or dad than just the fact that everyone wanted them to have a good summer.
When I was in Young Women's and continuing on through my mission, I wrote letters to my future husband and my future children. When David and I got engaged, I made him a collection of all of these letters, and we have had fun looking back and laughing.
Sometimes when I am mad, I write letters to the people with whom I am mad. I never send them, but I write them.

I love to write.

I write songs to express my testimony.
I write recipes so I can think of my mom.
I write in a journal for Lincoln so he can remember major milestones in his life.
I write in my scriptures so I can remember poignant feelings I have had.

WRITING IS MY CONNECTION TO MY PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE; AS WELL AS THE UNKNOWN.

So, it should come as no surprise that I write to birth mothers.

It's the way I express my hope . It's my way of saying thank you for the good decision you have made to better the life of your child.

Dear Birthmother, I know someday you will find us. It won't be difficult to see us. We are the ones that have written the story thus far; just to the part where you enter; that part we can write together. Soon. Well, sooner than later.
Don't worry,
This story will have no ending.
It will only have a beginning.

Praying, waiting, and writing
The Johnsons

HANGing IN THERE

Yesterday started out as a bad day. I went to play group where everyone was talking about baby names, who was pregnant, who was surprised they were pregnant, and anything else I can add about people being pregnant that made me start digging a dark, quiet place to hide and cry. I realized that I didn't hate them for having what I wanted, I just wanted it too. I was the last to leave and I was bawling in the church parking lot. I couldn't drive because the tears didn't stop. When I got home, I proceeded to cry the entire rest of the day. So, I didn't make dinner. I had my husband get some yummy food from somewhere where I didn't have to prepare it or clean it up. I asked for advice from others who have been where I am.

I was so glad that the first words of encouragement were not to remember that I was a child of God. (This is not something I have forgotten during this period of longing.)

The words that came brought strength and validation. They were:

LET THE TEARS COME!

Eat good food
Give into hope
Exercise
Write
Get educated about adoption:

and the hardest one............

HANG IN THERE. Man, I wish I was good at that. Why has this been the haunting flaw of my existence. I am not patient. Doesn't the Lord just want to accept that? HaHa. I say that laughing as I write it--tongue in cheek--because I know He doesn't want me to accept that.

so, today, I am just hanging in there. and i am doing the best i can at it.

Oh, Birthmother, I know you are there. Please. Hurry. Hanging in there can be done, but sometimes it starts to make the body ache. It takes its toll. But, when you are ready, we will just be hanging in there, hoping, waiting, praying.

We'll Miss You, President Hinckley

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration; most jobs are more dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time railway journey… delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” (Jenkins Lloyd Jones -Big Rock Candy Mountains,” Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4).

~A Conversation with Single Adults
By President Gordon B. Hinckley
From an address delivered on 22 September 1996 at the Salt Lake Tabernacle.
Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Conversation with Single Adults,” Ensign, Mar. 1997, 58

Dear Birthmother....

Hello? Are you there? Of course you are there. You are probably wondering why I have been looking for you. I'm so glad you have courage enough to listen; to think about the choice you have to make. David and I pray daily that you can find the strength to make it through this. You will. The sacrifice might seem too big to face right now, but you'll pull through. You are wonderful. You are good. Yes, you are sad, but even that will pass. I can't even imagine the thoughts you've had, the struggles you've been through, and the road ahead. But, I know peace awaits.
There are many waiting to help you make it through. Let's see. Well, first there is the Lord. He understands. He can heal broken hearts. He can heal you. Next, there are the wonderful people at LDS Family Service. They really are wonderful, and they can offer guidance and direction.

Then of course, we are here. Right. Here. Nebraska. Ask for David or Brandi Johnson. You might get lucky and Lincoln will answer the phone. He will tell you about cars, trucks, and trains. He will tell you he wants a baby. Then he'll say he loves you.
We love you.
We pray for you.

Talk to you soon.

Brandi, David, and Lincoln

Tag, I'm it!

My friend Shauni tagged me. That means I have to write 10 random facts, habits, interesting and unknown pieces of knowledge about myself. Then, I am supposed to tag 10 other people. I probably won't do that, but if anybody wants to write about themselves, consider yourself tagged.

10) I love chocolate milk. In the dead of winter, I would rather have a glass of chocolate milk than a glass of hot chocolate.

9) Our son in very bright. He is only one and he can count to ten, speak in complete sentences, say his ABC's with their sounds, use ASL to communicate, and give hugs and kisses. He's brilliant!

8) I have successfully painted 5 rooms in our house. I don’t even really like to paint, but I love the idea of selling our house in better condition than we bought it. For this same reason, we have added new counter tops, bathroom cabinets, a dishwasher, a new wall, and soon a fixed basement.

7) I love to make lists. If going on a trip, I start my list at last a week early. I rarely forget anything. My husband laughs when he says,” you know what we forgot,” and after he tells me, I tell him it is already on my list.

6) I don’t like to drive. My parents made me get my driver’s license at 17 ½ because they needed someone to pick up the younger boys. I failed my first driver’s test because I didn’t stop at a stop sign, didn’t use my blinker, and a few other such things. My dad took me the very next day to try again. I passed with flying colors. However, I still don’t like driving, but if I have to drive, I prefer school zones where you have to go slower than my dead grandma.

5) I have always known a lot of people, but I have always only had one best girlfriend at a time. In 7th grade it was Jen Armstrong. In high school, it was Carlie Bertoglio. In college it was Wendy Keller. In Nebraska, it is Mandy Johnson. Now, the exception to this s of course my mom. She has always been my best friend. I still have very good friendships with all of these friends.

4) I’m thankful Law school is only three years instead of four.

3) My Husband is my best friend. I would rather be with him than do anything else. He is the biggest blessing of my life. I love him.

2) I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I wanted to have 5 sons and a daughter. I

1) WE ARE APPROVED TO ADOPT. THIS MEANS BIRTHMOTHERS CAN CHOOSE US FOR THEIR BABIES. IT IS A WONDERFUL, EMOTIONAL, PATIENCE-INDUCING PROCESS.

It's About Love; davidandbrandi

Our adoption profile has been made live. That means any birthmother can choose us for her baby. If you would like to see our profile, go to:

1) itsaboutlove.org
2) Search adoption profiles
3) davidandbrandi

Now is the hard part...waiting...and waiting...and hoping...and praying...and waiting some more...

Thank you for your prayers in our behalf. We feel the love of the Lord as we wait.

If they could see me now...

Cash Advance Loans

Two! Here we come!

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a while ago, it's still mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If if looks like mine, it is mine.
8. If I see it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Ahhh.....isn't it great! This attitude came the same week as hitting, throwing fits, saying no, and not sharing... Terrific Twos! That's what we'll call them

I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee!

Won't my Mommy be so proud of me?




Lincoln's favorite toy is his "choo choo" train. So, getting to
wear the Conductor's hat was a BIG deal.



That is the smile of a 21 month old who knows all his colors
and letters. We love you, Lincoln. You are a good boy.

My Sweetheart showed me this, and it is absolutely amazing!

I borrowed this from my cousins! Thanks Hereths!

Lincoln Daniel

Last week, after my hard couple days,
something hit me. What if Lincoln was
our only child on this earth? Now, I
know that this won't be the case, but
if it was, kudos to David and me for
making a perfect one the first go round!
He knows his colors, his letters, how to
get out of going to bed by saying, "snuggle,"
and he reads the scriptures with us, says
prayers, and tells us "I uv ooooo," numerous
times a day. So, until we get another one, we
feel so blessed with the one we have!

Today's one of the hard ones!

Some days are great. Some aren't as great. Today is one of the hard ones.

By saying that sometimes it feels like the world is passing my by, is in no way an attempt to receive pity. This is just the truth; my heart on my sleeve....where it always has been.
I was a good kid. I wasn't rebellious. I was very obedient. I always took great care of my body and my diabetes. I loved my brothers more than anything. I only ditched school twice: my mom called and excused me on the first one, and the other one I ditched to go home and clean the house so I could go out with my friends that night. I made sure my 6th period teacher knew I was leaving before I left. I got good grades. I got a scholarship to college. I served a mission. I finished a college degree. I met my best friend, and we got married in the temple. We have a brilliant and beautiful son. My life has been fun, and I have been more richly blessed than I ever could have imagined.
So, why at 27 years old does it feel like my greatest desire is impossible to come by? I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I didn't want to wait. I wanted my kids to be close in age so they could be great friends. I wanted them to go through life together.
However, the world has decided that, for some reason, I should not have this righteous desire right now. This is the first trial David and I have faced since we have been married, and it is definitely harder than anything I ever faced my entire life. I just wish I could understand.
I wish I knew what the Lord had in store. I wish I could blame it on patience and say that patience is hard for me to come by, however, I waited 24 years to find my Sweetheart, and if that isn't patience in the Mormon World (haha) what is? I wish I could blame it on weak faith, but somehow I have rooted in me the belief that the Lord will take care of us, and we will not miss out on any blessings. Maybe I could blame it on my parents...hmmm....no they got pregnant when they looked at each other. I have nothing to blame, and that's what makes it hard. There is no reason for this.
Well, tomorrow will be a better day. Today is just one of the hard ones!

Fun with Daddy

David or Brandi: The Ongoing Question!

It's About Love

Dear Friends,

It's About Love. It really is.

We started the adoption process, and it is nothing short of a miraculous, emotional experience. We are excited about the process, and at the same time we realize that it could take years to have another baby in our family! When we found out we couldn't have any more biological children, we grieved. The comfort has finally come with the realization that the Lord does have a plan, and we are part of it.

We have told everyone we know that we are looking to adopt. We have been counseled to tell everyone we know to tell everyone they know that we are adopting. Often times, adoptive couples find babies through word of mouth.

So.....anyone you know--tell them.

Peter Pan

After I read , "Twilight," in less than a day, I went to the bookstore and bought the entire series by Stephenie Meyer. (By the way she spells her name you should have already figured out that she must be from Utah and her parents wanted to join the club of giving her a normal name spelled very uniquely)
This purchase may not seem significant, but these are the first books I have bought for my book collection since I graduated college. I have been to the library plenty of times, I tried reading Oprah's booklist (didn't like it), I have started and stopped half a dozen books, and Stephenie Meyer, BYU graduate, has finally captured my first book interest since Harry Potter.
Ahhhh....Young Adult Fiction. I guess I don't want to grow up. I want to stay in the Young Adult fiction-Neverland forever.

The Past Year!

Wow!

Well, we have been in Nebraska for over a year now. Sorry to report, that I don't yet have a deep-rooted love for this place, and August is not helping the cause of those trying to persuade me of how nice the people are. August was just kind of a yucky month. A lot of yuck!
On a positive note, I do love my family and I love my home. I love the mommy-play group from the church, and I love the YMCA for validating me while I am poor. I do think the sunsets are beautiful--from inside--with my air conditioner on. I love that my husband has a job to support our family and that he enjoys taking care of us. I'm glad Law School is three years instead of four. I am glad that anything grows in Nebraska. Home grown tomatoes have been a huge blessing to our daily food.
I don't want to stay forever so in 30 years if I am saying that we just came for Law School, and have been here for 30 years, then.......well I don't know, but just do it......whatever it is........

Miracles

David's little sister, Becky, had a beautiful baby a few weeks ago. Two weeks after he was born, she had emergency brain surgery. It was a time of intense trial for the family, but I saw a family pull together to accomplish the needs of this wonderful mommy. I saw this wonderful mommy endure through two major surgeries, losing her long beautiful hair, and then jumping back into the fast lane of a three-kid, busy-callings-in-the-church, life. I saw friends and neighbors call to be of any service they could. It made me realize that miracles really do happen. They are coupled with increased faith, patience, and daily repentance. God is a God of miracles. He loves His children. He wants us to be happy. I am happy to have witnessed miracles these past few weeks. I am happy to be alive. I am happy to be married to my best friend, and be the mommy of my favorite "Little Man." I am happy to see miracles all around me. It just lets me know, I haven't been forgotten.

At Least We have our Miracle: A Story of Infertility

Watching "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"

Being tickled by Daddy

Hi Mom and Dad! I got all dirty on the front porch!

After a long conversation about the test results...(my own rendition of the conversation):

Doctor: "well...from here we can try infertility treatment."

Me: "Infertility? But, I had a baby. I want eight babies. I want them all by age 32, and I don't want to wait any longer."

Doctor: "Well, we could try infertility treatment."

Me: "Does my insurance cover it? How much does it cost?"

Doctor: "I'm not sure if they cover it. It's expensive (hundreds to thousands of dollars expensive...)"

Me: " wow. wow. wow. But Doctor, everyone I know is pregnant. My sisters-in-law are
pregnant. MY friends are pregnant. This lady is stealing all of the rest of the world's babies. "

Doctor: "We can try infertility treatment."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brother (had a baby after me, having another one before me): "Sis, I'm sorry. I know I can't fix it, but at least you have your Lincoln. He is your miracle baby."
Me (lying out my teeth): "Yeah, I am fine."
Me (no longer lying): "At least we have our Lincoln. He is a miracle."

One down, two to go!

We have made it through our first year of Law School....actually we have made it through David's first year of Law School, and we actually haven't made it until tomorrow at about 4:30 p.m. The first year wasn't as bad as all of those horror stories people told us. The hardest part was during both semesters at finals time. David has been at the Law Library from about 9:00a.m. until 11 p.m. or midnight! Lincoln misses his daddy and I miss my husband, but we know this will all be worth it in the end!
While David has been studying, I have learned how to mow the lawn--what great fun! Also, our mudroom is now painted and tiled. And, our fence in the backyard is now white instead of brown! Lincoln and I have been to almost all the different parks in Lincoln and the zoo numerous times a week. We have stayed busy, and we have already begun the annual farmer's tan!
We have been productive waiting for our daddy to finish finals! We can't wait for Jack Bauer to figure things out...again, for the poor people LOST on the island to figure out the mystery, for Rory Gilmore to decide what she wants to do with her life, for George to fess up to Callie about Izzie, for Jim to imitate Dwight every week, for someone other than Charla and Mirna to win the AMAZING RACE, for Alex to get back in on the good side of the other remaining SURVIVORs, and for Andy Baldwin to pick his bride! Yes, we have been very productive!
COME HOME DARLING! we miss you.

Sweet!

What fun lies ahead!

Manhattan Temple

FAO Schwarz

New York was good to us! We saw three Broadway productions, and we ate a lot of good food. We missed Lincoln, but a week in New York taught me that one-on-one time with your spouse is ESSENTIAL. We had a great time, and we recommend leaving your babies with others to spend time together.

NYC here we come!

For our anniversary, we are going to New York City, and we are staying here.
I am trying to get this excited, but I have never left Lincoln for one day, let alone 5 days! I have tried to convince David to let us bring Lincoln. But, he keeps saying something about not enjoying NYC because the baby wouldn't like being in the car, and he has to be in bed by 7:30, and he can't see Broadway shows, or David Letterman! So, we are leaving him in the Midwest, while we travel all by ourselves to the East Coast. I guess I will try and enjoy NYC without my baby. I will try and enjoy David Letterman. I will try and enjoy Les Miserables. I will suffer through Mary Poppins. I will probably not enjoy the hotel. I will try and endure the food. Oh! The food!
Lincoln, I love you. I will miss you sooooooo big, but I know you would want me to enjoy my trip. So, for you, I will try my best to be a good sport about it.

Mmm.... and here is the way Lincoln enjoyed his first ice cream cone. Happy Birthday, Buddy!

My First Ice cream Cone

All he really wanted to do was spread it all over the table...He liked the taste of the ice cream, but wasn't sure how he felt about the cold! Happy Birthday, Lincoln!

P.S. sunshineinthesoul.blogspot.com is back!

365 Days of Bliss....

 

Ta Da!

 

THEY....

They is an interesting character to me. They gets blamed for a lot. Whenever people can't pinpoint exactly who exactly did or said something, They shows right up.

"They said I could...,"

"They want you to..."

or my favorite...

"You know what They say."

I'm starting to think They is some commitee in the wretched state of Nebraska that makes a lot of decisions that people are both happy and unhappy about.

Oh well....Lincoln is still the cutest kid on the planet...and They would probably all agree about that.

When We were New

This November marks the three year anniversary of when Brandi and I fell in love. It is hard to believe that it has been that long already. At the same time, I can't remember my life without her. It seems as though I was hardly living before she came into my life. All of my current joy and every successful endeavor in my life, I owe to my darling wife.
I love this picture because I feel like it somehow captures the depth of love and joy we felt for one another on the day we were wed. Though I could have never believed it at the time, I love Brandi so much more deeply today than I did on that beautiful April day. She is everything to me.
I love you, Sweetheart! 

When He was New

This is a collage of Lincoln when he was less than an hour old. His little body parts are so new and perfect. He is still new and perfect and I am grateful every day to be his daddy. Brandi and I have been so richly blessed to have him in our lives and we thank God every day for sending us His precious child. Our lives are much happier and more wonderful today than they ever were without him.
This week, he'll be nine months old and the last nine months have been, without doubt, the best nine months of my life! I love you, Lincoln.

Can you hear that?

Ahhhh.....Can you hear that? The sound of Halloween being completely over for a year! I understand that some people make all of the money for a complete year by running the haunted houses. I will also leave out all adjectives to describe those haunted houses because I'm trying to be nice. I understand that kids will ring my doorbell, and because I have a cute kid I will answer in hopes that they are all cute, and even when the rest of them will never be as cute as my baby, and some will be not cute at all, I will give them candy. Ahhhh.....It's over. It's so over! Hallelujah!

On the other hand.....my baby was darling!

October? What about March Madness!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

First Official Family Picture!

Who would have guessed?

So, I never thought it possible to miss Utah. No offense to our wonderful friends, the 99.9% likelihood that your neighbors are nice LDS people, the beautiful mountains, and a family-friendly culture. I miss UTAH so much it hurts. I have cried a few cries, and then I made cinnamon rolls which only made the miss slightly better until the sugar kicked in, and then I felt, well, fat! So, I ate another one. Needless to say, the cycle ended there. Except the loneliness part. I miss you Utah. Who would have guessed? But, I do. I miss you desperately. I miss having a ward of 60 youth. I miss everything about you. Except, your yucky winters, but then again, Nebraska's winters are even yuckier. So, I miss your yucky winters. Well, we will see what happens. So far, I'm in a state of miss. That's that.

Sweet Home, Nebraska!

This is our new home!

(For best results, view with Internet Explorer)

He gets me every time!

 

Isn't he handsome!