Yesterday, today, and forever...

For behold, I am God;

and I am a God of miracles;

and I will show unto the world

that I am the same

yesterday, today, and forever;

(2 Nephi 27:23)


Filling out paperwork for the adoption process is lengthy.

In our case, it took an extra long time.

When our agency said everything would be done mid-october

BUT

then

mid-november

AND

mid-december showed up

and unfulfilled promises kept getting put off

David and I were frustrated.

I admit I was angry.

devastated.

numb.


But, my sweet husband kept reminding me that the Lord had not forgotten us.

So, you can imagine our elation on January 2nd.

Of course, all this joy was only due to the fact that our profile was


LIVE


AND


BIRTHMOTHERS COULD FIND US NOW!


Well, January 30th was an especially emotional day.


I remember .

I had been crying literally all day.

But, by the time my husband came home, I had taken some advice from a friend

and, I had started doing everything I could to


SURVIVE.


MY husband came running when I burst into tears yet again.

When he saw that the cause of the tears was


a letter from our Sweet Joanie;

we wept together.

we sat.

we prayed.

we hugged.

we kissed.


We called her.


She was a miracle from the start.

She began to share her life with us.

The miracle of her decision
has become more and more apparent to me
the more I learn about her.
Joanie is 18.
She lost her mother (who was a single mom) 5 years ago.
Her dad never chose to be in her life (man, he sure missed out)
She was bounced between aunts, uncles, and her grandmother
until she graduated high school.

Her best two friends have tried to convince her to keep this baby

They both have babies.

She is not a member of the church.

BUT, she has faith.

dedication.

and wisdom.

She was pointed to our agency
by another adoptive couple who had been placed with a baby girl.


I became filled with hope.
It was a testimony to me,
that even if it she didn't place with us,
the Lord had not forgotten us.

And, the last week in February, Sweet Joanie invited us to come meet her.


She is beautiful.





On March 1st we were given the opportunity to bear our testimonies to this
brave young woman about her decision.

That was an emotional time that I can never erase from my memory.

We know Marilyn would be proud of her brave young daughter,
and we felt it a privilege
to visit her resting place.
And pay respect to the woman who raised
brave
Joanie.




For behold, I am God;
and I am a God of miracles;
and I will show unto the world
that I am the same
yesterday, today, and forever;
(2 Nephi 27:23)


This we cannot deny.
We know it to be true.
He is living God.
He is a loving Father.
He is the same.

Yesterday, Today, and Forever.

In other words...

YES, I did take Lincoln and his two best friends to play at the mall.

YES, I did let them stand in the rain and admire the little worm.

YES, I did park in this spot.

NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT.

BUT

I am an expectant mother.

We are so grateful to have met Joanie.
We are so blessed that she has chosen to beat the odds.

(More on her to come soon.)

In other words,

She is due in 2 weeks. She is having a boy.

AND

SHE HAS CHOSEN US.

We are so grateful.

We want to thank our Heavenly Father for the miracles He gives us daily to let us know we are not forgotten.

We are grateful for the miracle of adoption.

We are grateful for our families support, prayers, and love.

We love you Joanie.

We are so blessed

My Polar Star

This song has been my constant through the infertility/adoption journey.

I have listened to it...many times...

I memorized it.

I bawled through it.

I screamed through it.

I got in the car and switched stations until I found it.

I have fallen to my knees. trying to understand.

From this song, I have gained strength.

And, I do believe:

It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time-
It's like a river that's so wide, it swallows you whole.
While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Times flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count
'Cause you can't get it back.

Yes, this song has been my constant.

Through all the uncertainty, the sorrow, and the struggle, I am still learning that:

"We know not all that lies ahead of us. We live in a world of uncertainty. For some, there will be great accomplishment. For others, disappointment. For some, much of rejoicing and gladness, good health, and gracious living. For others, perhaps sickness and a measure of sorrow. We do not know. But one thing we do know. Like the Polar Star in the heavens, regardless of what the future holds, there stands the Redeemer of the world, the Son of God, certain and sure as the anchor of our immortal lives. He is the rock of our salvation, our strength, our comfort, the very focus of our faith." (President Hinckley)

And, even for one

so small,

He is still certain.
He is still sure.

April showers...

Dear Blogging World,

Remember when you were growing up?

And you wanted something, anything, and everything.

Remember having to wait ALL day until you just couldn't wait anymore?

.....and then you waited some more...

and then FINALLY the moment you had been waiting for arrived.........


Stay Tuned.

April will be a perfect month.

April is diamonds, showers, the promise of May flowers.

April will be a perfect month.

Stay tuned.

I love to see the temple!

I Love to See the Temple.

So, for Spring Break, we took the opportunity to go to Nauvoo. As we drove into the city, I could feel the spirit testify to me that this was truly a city built on the foundation of sacrifice, faith, and dedication to the Lord.



I was delighted to see my life long girl friend, Carlie. We had the opportunity to go to the temple together. My heart was full of joy as we sat together. It felt to me, like Alma must have felt when he met up with the sons of Mosiah, and "they were still his brethren in the Lord."



When we drove up to the temple, Lincoln was beyond excitement.
As a mother, I cannot express the joy I felt as our son exclaimed, "Look Mama, look Daddy, a temple."



In our two days there, I was brought to tears many times.
This was a place deeply rooted with faith; a place that stands as a testimony of the saints who made building the kingdom of God their ultimate goal. We spent a beautiful morning walking down the Trail of Hope, also called the Trail of Tears. Of this very spot, M.Russell Ballard said,

"One of those who traveled the Mormon Trail in 1847 referred to it as the “trail of hope.” I love that title: “trail of hope.” It speaks of the universal yearning of each person to find a safe haven, a community of Saints where hearts are united and hope prevails. No matter how difficult the trail, and regardless of how heavy our load, we can take comfort in knowing that others before us have borne life’s most grievous trials and tragedies by looking to heaven for peace, comfort, and hopeful assurance." (You Have Nothing to Fear from the Journey”)



Being there gave me a wonderful opportunity to reflect on my life, and I was able to find that comfort of which Elder Ballard spoke.

Today, I would like to share three lessons that the pioneers in my life have taught me:

Sacrifice: taught by Mom.



In case you don't know or cannot tell, this is my mom. From my mom, I learned the true meaning of sacrifice. She had four kids in five years. She put her dreams on hold, and pursued a life loving her children. She NEVER missed any activity we ever did. Not one soccer game, debate competition, band concert, Choir tour, etc. She made it her priority to be available so we always could go back to one simple truth:

She loved us.
She is a pioneer.
She didn't cross the plains, but she has hurdled mountains.
I love you Mom.

Immense Faith: taught by Dad.



This is my dad. If anyone has faith in the restored gospel and a living Savior, it is my dad. Any lesson he ever taught ALWAYS started with his testimony. Everyone in the room knew right from the start that my dad knew Jesus Christ lived.

He is a pioneer.
He didn't give his life in Carthage jail.
But, he would have had he been asked.

I love you Dad.


Dedication to the Lord: taught by David



I would first like to say how grateful I am for this miracle in my life; my sweetheart. He has been the answer to every promise I have ever been given. I am eternally grateful to his parents who raised him to love the Lord and serve with all his might. I remember kneeling across the altar from my eternal companion. I had it reaffirmed to me that day that the Lord was pleased with my choice.

He has honored every covenant and promise he has made.

He is a pioneer.
He didn't cross the Mississippi River, but he crossed the street to help the neighbors move in.
He didn't leave his wife and son to serve a mission, but He shared the gospel with, and baptized a friend.
He didn't lose his house to persecution, but he has lost himself in dedication to the Lord.

I love you David.
Tons Bit.


Needless to say, I witnessed miracle after miracle during our visit.

I Love to See the Temple.

Heres to hoping:

"When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done." (Count Your Many Blessings)


Throughout the last year and a half, it has become increasingly more common for me to focus on looking at others.

With their lands of gold.

I look back and realize that I have not spent enough time focusing on my blessings and have neglected to realize what the Lord has done in my life.

So, to move forward with faith, I have been trying to recognize the Lord's hand.

So, here's to HOPING:

FIRST: In the Book of Mormon, Nephi and some of his brothers went searching for food.

His family wanted to eat.

Hunger was a major concern.

When Nephi and his brothers returned, he recounts:

"And it came to pass that as I, Nephi, went forth to slay food, behold, I did break my bow, which was made of fine steel; and after I did break my bow, behold, my brethren were angry with me because of the loss of my bow, for we did obtain no food.
And it came to pass that we did return without food to our families, and being much fatigued, because of their journeying, they did suffer much for the want of food."

They were hungry.

really hungry.

Nephi and his brothers did everything possible to find food. They prepared. They came up with a plan. They put the plan into action.

and yet, they still suffered for the want of food.

But, the faithful did not lose hope.


SECOND:

Moroni was the last prophet to write in the Book of Mormon. He spent some time alone.

TWENTY YEARS.

ALONE.

He tells us:
"And my father also was killed by them, and I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of my people. But behold, they are gone, and I fulfil the commandment of my father. And whether they will slay me, I know not."
He was alone. really alone.

He didn't know what was in store for him.

He looked at death as one of the most likely possibilities.


and yet,

Moroni didn't lose hope.

I know what it is like to hunger for something.
I know what loneliness feels like.

But,

I want to be like Nephi.
I want to stand strong like Moroni.

I want to have faith.

and never lose hope.

There is wealth untold.

I have found some of it.

Until I find the rest...

I'll just be here.

Counting my blessings.

and

Hoping.

My life as a fable:

Someday when I look back at the story of my life,

I hope each chapter ending has a moral attached.

Kind of like Aesop's Fables.

This week the morals would probably be:

UNION GIVES STRENGTH

David, you are my everything. You are the greatest blessing I have ever known. You make life worth living every day. I love you.

Or perhaps:

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT.

Lincoln, you are such a miracle. You have so much love. Even when you pushed the girl in nursery off the chair, we still can't imagine life without you. Thanks for being our good boy.

I think I will laugh a lot as I see the moral :

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE--

written time

after time

after time.

Infertility/Adoption: you take the cake on this one. No other trials in my life have been able to really cement this principle in my mind! Thanks...I think...

So, while we are waiting, I will try to remember a few things. Namely:

NECESSITY KNOWS NO LAW

Hi Tears. No one wants to be the girl who just starts crying in the middle of the churck parking lot. However, I guess good friends stick together. And, we are such good friends. I like you at birthday parties, holidays, etc..(not so much when I am laying down and can no longer breathe.) You like me-- (I could go on here but, we will just stick with-- I am very likeable.)

But Tears, I hope some time in the near future; very near future, we can part with the sadness part of your job (not forever, of course)

and embark (together) upon a new, improved job; HAPPINESS.

think about it, okay? I mean, imagine your next outing with me, David, (and Lincoln) when we experience again that:

GOOD THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES

ready to be wrapped in a new,warm, plush blanket.

and needing lots of kisses and squeezes.


But, before I get ahead of myself,

i should probably just keep in mind that:

Misfortunes springing from ourselves are the hardest to bear (oh yes, the infertility)

and,

The best intentions will not always ensure success (Dear Birthparents...)

but,

Contentment with our lot is an element of happiness.

And my lot , is more than I could have ever hoped for.

I am blessed.

Adoption throughout my life

When I was 5, I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. In 1985, that meant a shorter life span, high risk pregnancies--if you could sustain a pregnancy, which meant I would either need to adopt or I would have fewer children than I wanted. (Thankfully, research has changed....and my life span is no longer shortened!)


ADOPTION Experience #1 I made the choice...
I decided when I was very young that whatever the case was, I would adopt babies! This was a choice I got to make. (Thankfully my sweetheart has been supportive of this decision since the days of our courtship.)

Not all the adoptions in my life were choices I sought out.

Some of them found me.

Adoption started early in my life. I had three brothers, and that put us as four kids in five years. (Yes, all my dad had to do was look at my mom and she got pregnant.) Nonetheless, most of the people I hung out with were boys. I always had one good girlfriend, but for the most part, I knew boys. I remember Jeff Carson saying to me, "Brandi, we can tell you anything about the girls we like because you are one of the guys." It was official.

ADOPTION Experience # 2 ...it found me....

I was adopted into the boys group. I was one of the guys. I liked the feeling of belonging.(except when I was 16, and all those boys called me SIS.) It was always funny to me that other girls were jealous that I really was friends with those boys.

My adoption journey did not end here; even when all those boys went on missions, got married, and moved away.

ADOPTION Experience # 3: We found each other!

As a missionary, I had the opportunity to train a beautiful and wonderful missionary from Serbia. She was the 5th missionary from her country in 20 years, and only the 2nd or 3rd to serve in the United States. She was my companion longer than she was anyone's companion. It was sad to leave her, and we shed many tears. Shortly after we parted, she requested to have her patriarchal blessing. Her native tongue was Serbian, and yet she opted to receive her blessing in English. I was invited to attend the blessing.
In it she was "adopted into the House of Israel." I remember when he said to her the words: adopted in . I felt the Spirit testify to me that all things are in the Lord's hand; even the life of a young Serbian missionary.

Recently, I read something that said this:
In the grand scheme, it doesn't matter whether you belong to the
lineage of Abraham through Isaac and Jacob, or whether you are
adopted into the House of Israel.
The blessings are the same.

This brings me to adoption now...

ADOPTION experience-in-the-making #4

As history shows, either she will find us, we will find her, or we will have to find each other.

one of my favorite definitions of finding is:

come upon after searching...

So. that's where we are.

Waiting to be found.
Searching.
Hoping we find each other.

Congrats Jeremi and Rebecca!

I'm related to the smartest people in the world

This article is awesome!

You guys are doing some amazing things! We are so proud of you!

We love you!

Dear Birthfather....

Dear Birthfather,

When I was growing up, I didn't face decisions that were as hard as what you are facing. The hardest decisions I had to make were things like: Where would I go to school? Would I serve a mission? Who would I marry? MY parents and friends had a lot of helpful advice, but ultimately the choices were up to me. no one else.
These choices were no where close to the difficult choice you are being asked to make. We don't envy having to make this decision. We don't know what thoughts are going through your mind. But, we want you to know that we love you.

We are pleading with you.

Begging you --
to think about the impact of your choice. We think about you. We are praying for you. People all over the world have you in their thoughts and prayers.

The decision is ultimately up to you. no one else.

You. can. do. it.

Please relinquish your rights. Please.

Pleading.

Praying.

Hoping you don't read the newspaper.

The Johnsons

Dear Birthmother,

AS you can see,we wrote to Birthfather. We hope that someday he will be as brave as you will be. Are you still feeling brave? I know our thank-yous won't take away the tears, but look to the Lord. He will silence your fears. He will heal your heart. He lives so that we might also live. Look and live.

Looking.
Living.
Loving.

Us

He is just THAT wonderful

 

He's not your typical husband.

at least that's what I've derived after hearing people talk about their less-than-davidesque-husbands.


Nope.

My husband is amazing. He is wonderful. He is smart. He is gentle. He is kind. He is just THAT wonderful.

I have only heard my husband yell once--at the bad call the ref made during the football game. He never brings work home with him, unless it's to share something exciting that has happened. He understands the balance of family and school/work.

I sincerely believe that my husband will be the one who gets me into heaven. My husband has kept every promise he has ever made to me. He has been the pillar of strength in my life. He has been the shoulder on which to cry, and the open arms ready to hold me. He makes me laugh, and he is full of wonderful surprises.

He believes that my decision to be a mother is the most honored calling in the existence of the planet.

He has an incredibly hard time frowning.
He loves the Lord
He loves me.
He loves Lincoln.
He loves my family and his family.

He honors his priesthood.

In all the creations in the world, I can't imagine something more wonderful and choice as my husband; my best friend; my lover; Lincoln's dad; my everything.

Thank you davidearl for being you; You really are just THAT wonderful!

I'm so blessed to be spending eternity with you.

David Archuleta - Imagine

I'll Share My Ice Cream....

 

Dear Birthmother,

It's me;Lincoln Daniel. I know my mom and dad have written to you often. Every night they pray that you will find a family to place your baby. We all hope you choose us. I am two, and I like to think things are mine. However, I have considered the opportunity cost, and if you decide to let your baby come live with us, I am willing to share my ice cream. I want a girl named "puppy," or a boy named "henry gordon james. (Those are my favorite trains)." I am willing to share my mom, my dad, and all my toys. For a limited time, I am willing to give up all rights to my vegetables and my nap time.
I have a big heart, and I will help mom and dad take care of your baby. I will hug them every day. I will teach them about Jesus, and we will be the best of friends. I love you already. Thanks for listening

Waiting patiently as two year olds do,

Lincoln Daniel

Let The Wild Rumpus Start

One of my favorite books is, "Where the Wild Things are." Lincoln thinks this is a brilliant book, and he loves to have it read over and over. He loves the part where Max, King of All the Wild Things, says "Let the wild rumpus start." Then, when the Wild things have rumpused he says, "NOW STOP," and he sends them to bed without eating.

WHAT GIVES: they are doing everything they were told to do--I can only imagine the WILD RUMPUS made them really hungry-- I would even surmise that all they wanted was something to eat.

and yet: they don't get to eat. Hmmm...

ADOPTION; Let the wild Rumpus start....now stop.....Hooray! A baby! Oh bummer, no baby...now start....now stop...

Dear Birthmother,

Could you use your wild rumpus power kindly; gently. We are along for the ride, but don't kick us out in the middle of the rumpus! Don't take away what we desire the most.

Waiting,

The Johnsons

My Boys

So, my baby brother mentioned to me last night, "Sis, your blog is interesting." Then he described that that meant that, he realized how hard the infertility/adoption process has been. He followed up with the fact that if he and the Bec had triplets, I could choose one. Thanks Boss. I love you!

WITH THAT BEING SAID:

I will attempt to bring happiness back to the blog by setting Infertility and Adoption aside for a brief moment,

I will spend the rest of this post on my boys;

the boys I love the most in the entire world.

David and Lincoln, I love you guys more than all the stars in the sky.

The following video reminds me of what my husband gives to me every day. (it's country....so if you don't like country--don't listen to it!Also, I wanted to find just the words, but this was the only video that had the song.)David has been faithful to every promise he made to me when we got married. He has been a pillar of strength in our marriage and as we raise our son. I cannot ever join in a conversation where girls say, "you know how boys are." Nope, I just know how David is. He has been gentle, compassionate, and wonderful in every way. I am the luckiest girl in the world.
David, I love you. You were the best decision I ever made.



Lincoln, you are amazing. Your hugs and kisses melt my heart, and I love looking back at all the things you have learned. I remember the day you were born. What a marvelous day. You are a good boy, Son. I love you.

Thanks Mrs. R.

A friend shared this on her page, and I wanted to share it with all of my friends who don't know Mrs. R.

Judge Not....

When my husband and I moved to Nebraska, we became friends with a wonderful couple. I tease my husband that I've seen Mandy more than I've seen him the last year and a half. Well, these friends, have two beautiful sons that they adopted from Russia. I'm sure that this is the couple the Lord needed us to find, so they could be a support through the ugly face of infertility.

We have been blessed to celebrate the boys adoption days for two years, their birthdays, Halloween, and just simple trips to the zoo. Our son Lincoln thinks they are the greatest friends!

 

I have often been amazed at the wonderful blessing of a good life they have been given by being brought to America, in an LDS home, sealed with their great parents.
When we met them, they showed us their adoptive profile, and I remember seeing other people's profiles; all sorts of people.

CONFESSION:

it really bothered me that so many people who had biological children were trying to adopt while there were obviously so many people who had been married for years who were waiting. wondering. praying for a child.

Never mind that for my entire life I ALWAYS knew I would want to adopt. I knew I would want more kids than my physical body would allow. Nope, I just felt bothered.
It wasn't long after our beautiful Lincoln was born, we decided to try for number two. Months and months of disappointing pregnancy tests. Months of sisters-in-law having children. Months of waiting. wondering. praying for another child.

Then, when we faced the devastating friend; infertility...we started talking adoption and it HIT ME. HARD.
Many of those bothersome people probably were in our same boat. They had one or more biological children, and they weren't done with their families.

Well, I repented swiftly, and now I am learning to appreciate the struggle they--we--are facing together.

The Waiting

The Wondering.

The Praying for a child.

I wanted to share a quote that was recently shared with me.

"Patience... helps us to realize that while we may be ready to move on, having had enough of a particular learning experience, our continuing presence is often a needed part of learning environment of others."
- Elder Neal A. Maxwell

Thanks to those of you who are helping me learn.

Dear Husband, Future Children, and Birthmother:

When I was in high school, buying a yearbook was a big deal. I loved writing in all my friends yearbooks. I was not the typical writer. I always wrote to people's future children, so that someday they would know a little more about their mom or dad than just the fact that everyone wanted them to have a good summer.
When I was in Young Women's and continuing on through my mission, I wrote letters to my future husband and my future children. When David and I got engaged, I made him a collection of all of these letters, and we have had fun looking back and laughing.
Sometimes when I am mad, I write letters to the people with whom I am mad. I never send them, but I write them.

I love to write.

I write songs to express my testimony.
I write recipes so I can think of my mom.
I write in a journal for Lincoln so he can remember major milestones in his life.
I write in my scriptures so I can remember poignant feelings I have had.

WRITING IS MY CONNECTION TO MY PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE; AS WELL AS THE UNKNOWN.

So, it should come as no surprise that I write to birth mothers.

It's the way I express my hope . It's my way of saying thank you for the good decision you have made to better the life of your child.

Dear Birthmother, I know someday you will find us. It won't be difficult to see us. We are the ones that have written the story thus far; just to the part where you enter; that part we can write together. Soon. Well, sooner than later.
Don't worry,
This story will have no ending.
It will only have a beginning.

Praying, waiting, and writing
The Johnsons

HANGing IN THERE

Yesterday started out as a bad day. I went to play group where everyone was talking about baby names, who was pregnant, who was surprised they were pregnant, and anything else I can add about people being pregnant that made me start digging a dark, quiet place to hide and cry. I realized that I didn't hate them for having what I wanted, I just wanted it too. I was the last to leave and I was bawling in the church parking lot. I couldn't drive because the tears didn't stop. When I got home, I proceeded to cry the entire rest of the day. So, I didn't make dinner. I had my husband get some yummy food from somewhere where I didn't have to prepare it or clean it up. I asked for advice from others who have been where I am.

I was so glad that the first words of encouragement were not to remember that I was a child of God. (This is not something I have forgotten during this period of longing.)

The words that came brought strength and validation. They were:

LET THE TEARS COME!

Eat good food
Give into hope
Exercise
Write
Get educated about adoption:

and the hardest one............

HANG IN THERE. Man, I wish I was good at that. Why has this been the haunting flaw of my existence. I am not patient. Doesn't the Lord just want to accept that? HaHa. I say that laughing as I write it--tongue in cheek--because I know He doesn't want me to accept that.

so, today, I am just hanging in there. and i am doing the best i can at it.

Oh, Birthmother, I know you are there. Please. Hurry. Hanging in there can be done, but sometimes it starts to make the body ache. It takes its toll. But, when you are ready, we will just be hanging in there, hoping, waiting, praying.

We'll Miss You, President Hinckley

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration; most jobs are more dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time railway journey… delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” (Jenkins Lloyd Jones -Big Rock Candy Mountains,” Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4).

~A Conversation with Single Adults
By President Gordon B. Hinckley
From an address delivered on 22 September 1996 at the Salt Lake Tabernacle.
Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Conversation with Single Adults,” Ensign, Mar. 1997, 58

Dear Birthmother....

Hello? Are you there? Of course you are there. You are probably wondering why I have been looking for you. I'm so glad you have courage enough to listen; to think about the choice you have to make. David and I pray daily that you can find the strength to make it through this. You will. The sacrifice might seem too big to face right now, but you'll pull through. You are wonderful. You are good. Yes, you are sad, but even that will pass. I can't even imagine the thoughts you've had, the struggles you've been through, and the road ahead. But, I know peace awaits.
There are many waiting to help you make it through. Let's see. Well, first there is the Lord. He understands. He can heal broken hearts. He can heal you. Next, there are the wonderful people at LDS Family Service. They really are wonderful, and they can offer guidance and direction.

Then of course, we are here. Right. Here. Nebraska. Ask for David or Brandi Johnson. You might get lucky and Lincoln will answer the phone. He will tell you about cars, trucks, and trains. He will tell you he wants a baby. Then he'll say he loves you.
We love you.
We pray for you.

Talk to you soon.

Brandi, David, and Lincoln

Tag, I'm it!

My friend Shauni tagged me. That means I have to write 10 random facts, habits, interesting and unknown pieces of knowledge about myself. Then, I am supposed to tag 10 other people. I probably won't do that, but if anybody wants to write about themselves, consider yourself tagged.

10) I love chocolate milk. In the dead of winter, I would rather have a glass of chocolate milk than a glass of hot chocolate.

9) Our son in very bright. He is only one and he can count to ten, speak in complete sentences, say his ABC's with their sounds, use ASL to communicate, and give hugs and kisses. He's brilliant!

8) I have successfully painted 5 rooms in our house. I don’t even really like to paint, but I love the idea of selling our house in better condition than we bought it. For this same reason, we have added new counter tops, bathroom cabinets, a dishwasher, a new wall, and soon a fixed basement.

7) I love to make lists. If going on a trip, I start my list at last a week early. I rarely forget anything. My husband laughs when he says,” you know what we forgot,” and after he tells me, I tell him it is already on my list.

6) I don’t like to drive. My parents made me get my driver’s license at 17 ½ because they needed someone to pick up the younger boys. I failed my first driver’s test because I didn’t stop at a stop sign, didn’t use my blinker, and a few other such things. My dad took me the very next day to try again. I passed with flying colors. However, I still don’t like driving, but if I have to drive, I prefer school zones where you have to go slower than my dead grandma.

5) I have always known a lot of people, but I have always only had one best girlfriend at a time. In 7th grade it was Jen Armstrong. In high school, it was Carlie Bertoglio. In college it was Wendy Keller. In Nebraska, it is Mandy Johnson. Now, the exception to this s of course my mom. She has always been my best friend. I still have very good friendships with all of these friends.

4) I’m thankful Law school is only three years instead of four.

3) My Husband is my best friend. I would rather be with him than do anything else. He is the biggest blessing of my life. I love him.

2) I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I wanted to have 5 sons and a daughter. I

1) WE ARE APPROVED TO ADOPT. THIS MEANS BIRTHMOTHERS CAN CHOOSE US FOR THEIR BABIES. IT IS A WONDERFUL, EMOTIONAL, PATIENCE-INDUCING PROCESS.

It's About Love; davidandbrandi

Our adoption profile has been made live. That means any birthmother can choose us for her baby. If you would like to see our profile, go to:

1) itsaboutlove.org
2) Search adoption profiles
3) davidandbrandi

Now is the hard part...waiting...and waiting...and hoping...and praying...and waiting some more...

Thank you for your prayers in our behalf. We feel the love of the Lord as we wait.

If they could see me now...

Cash Advance Loans

Two! Here we come!

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a while ago, it's still mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If if looks like mine, it is mine.
8. If I see it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Ahhh.....isn't it great! This attitude came the same week as hitting, throwing fits, saying no, and not sharing... Terrific Twos! That's what we'll call them

I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee!

Won't my Mommy be so proud of me?




Lincoln's favorite toy is his "choo choo" train. So, getting to
wear the Conductor's hat was a BIG deal.



That is the smile of a 21 month old who knows all his colors
and letters. We love you, Lincoln. You are a good boy.

My Sweetheart showed me this, and it is absolutely amazing!

I borrowed this from my cousins! Thanks Hereths!

Lincoln Daniel

Last week, after my hard couple days,
something hit me. What if Lincoln was
our only child on this earth? Now, I
know that this won't be the case, but
if it was, kudos to David and me for
making a perfect one the first go round!
He knows his colors, his letters, how to
get out of going to bed by saying, "snuggle,"
and he reads the scriptures with us, says
prayers, and tells us "I uv ooooo," numerous
times a day. So, until we get another one, we
feel so blessed with the one we have!

Today's one of the hard ones!

Some days are great. Some aren't as great. Today is one of the hard ones.

By saying that sometimes it feels like the world is passing my by, is in no way an attempt to receive pity. This is just the truth; my heart on my sleeve....where it always has been.
I was a good kid. I wasn't rebellious. I was very obedient. I always took great care of my body and my diabetes. I loved my brothers more than anything. I only ditched school twice: my mom called and excused me on the first one, and the other one I ditched to go home and clean the house so I could go out with my friends that night. I made sure my 6th period teacher knew I was leaving before I left. I got good grades. I got a scholarship to college. I served a mission. I finished a college degree. I met my best friend, and we got married in the temple. We have a brilliant and beautiful son. My life has been fun, and I have been more richly blessed than I ever could have imagined.
So, why at 27 years old does it feel like my greatest desire is impossible to come by? I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I didn't want to wait. I wanted my kids to be close in age so they could be great friends. I wanted them to go through life together.
However, the world has decided that, for some reason, I should not have this righteous desire right now. This is the first trial David and I have faced since we have been married, and it is definitely harder than anything I ever faced my entire life. I just wish I could understand.
I wish I knew what the Lord had in store. I wish I could blame it on patience and say that patience is hard for me to come by, however, I waited 24 years to find my Sweetheart, and if that isn't patience in the Mormon World (haha) what is? I wish I could blame it on weak faith, but somehow I have rooted in me the belief that the Lord will take care of us, and we will not miss out on any blessings. Maybe I could blame it on my parents...hmmm....no they got pregnant when they looked at each other. I have nothing to blame, and that's what makes it hard. There is no reason for this.
Well, tomorrow will be a better day. Today is just one of the hard ones!

Fun with Daddy

David or Brandi: The Ongoing Question!

It's About Love

Dear Friends,

It's About Love. It really is.

We started the adoption process, and it is nothing short of a miraculous, emotional experience. We are excited about the process, and at the same time we realize that it could take years to have another baby in our family! When we found out we couldn't have any more biological children, we grieved. The comfort has finally come with the realization that the Lord does have a plan, and we are part of it.

We have told everyone we know that we are looking to adopt. We have been counseled to tell everyone we know to tell everyone they know that we are adopting. Often times, adoptive couples find babies through word of mouth.

So.....anyone you know--tell them.

Peter Pan

After I read , "Twilight," in less than a day, I went to the bookstore and bought the entire series by Stephenie Meyer. (By the way she spells her name you should have already figured out that she must be from Utah and her parents wanted to join the club of giving her a normal name spelled very uniquely)
This purchase may not seem significant, but these are the first books I have bought for my book collection since I graduated college. I have been to the library plenty of times, I tried reading Oprah's booklist (didn't like it), I have started and stopped half a dozen books, and Stephenie Meyer, BYU graduate, has finally captured my first book interest since Harry Potter.
Ahhhh....Young Adult Fiction. I guess I don't want to grow up. I want to stay in the Young Adult fiction-Neverland forever.

The Past Year!

Wow!

Well, we have been in Nebraska for over a year now. Sorry to report, that I don't yet have a deep-rooted love for this place, and August is not helping the cause of those trying to persuade me of how nice the people are. August was just kind of a yucky month. A lot of yuck!
On a positive note, I do love my family and I love my home. I love the mommy-play group from the church, and I love the YMCA for validating me while I am poor. I do think the sunsets are beautiful--from inside--with my air conditioner on. I love that my husband has a job to support our family and that he enjoys taking care of us. I'm glad Law School is three years instead of four. I am glad that anything grows in Nebraska. Home grown tomatoes have been a huge blessing to our daily food.
I don't want to stay forever so in 30 years if I am saying that we just came for Law School, and have been here for 30 years, then.......well I don't know, but just do it......whatever it is........

Miracles

David's little sister, Becky, had a beautiful baby a few weeks ago. Two weeks after he was born, she had emergency brain surgery. It was a time of intense trial for the family, but I saw a family pull together to accomplish the needs of this wonderful mommy. I saw this wonderful mommy endure through two major surgeries, losing her long beautiful hair, and then jumping back into the fast lane of a three-kid, busy-callings-in-the-church, life. I saw friends and neighbors call to be of any service they could. It made me realize that miracles really do happen. They are coupled with increased faith, patience, and daily repentance. God is a God of miracles. He loves His children. He wants us to be happy. I am happy to have witnessed miracles these past few weeks. I am happy to be alive. I am happy to be married to my best friend, and be the mommy of my favorite "Little Man." I am happy to see miracles all around me. It just lets me know, I haven't been forgotten.

At Least We have our Miracle: A Story of Infertility

Watching "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"

Being tickled by Daddy

Hi Mom and Dad! I got all dirty on the front porch!

After a long conversation about the test results...(my own rendition of the conversation):

Doctor: "well...from here we can try infertility treatment."

Me: "Infertility? But, I had a baby. I want eight babies. I want them all by age 32, and I don't want to wait any longer."

Doctor: "Well, we could try infertility treatment."

Me: "Does my insurance cover it? How much does it cost?"

Doctor: "I'm not sure if they cover it. It's expensive (hundreds to thousands of dollars expensive...)"

Me: " wow. wow. wow. But Doctor, everyone I know is pregnant. My sisters-in-law are
pregnant. MY friends are pregnant. This lady is stealing all of the rest of the world's babies. "

Doctor: "We can try infertility treatment."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brother (had a baby after me, having another one before me): "Sis, I'm sorry. I know I can't fix it, but at least you have your Lincoln. He is your miracle baby."
Me (lying out my teeth): "Yeah, I am fine."
Me (no longer lying): "At least we have our Lincoln. He is a miracle."

One down, two to go!

We have made it through our first year of Law School....actually we have made it through David's first year of Law School, and we actually haven't made it until tomorrow at about 4:30 p.m. The first year wasn't as bad as all of those horror stories people told us. The hardest part was during both semesters at finals time. David has been at the Law Library from about 9:00a.m. until 11 p.m. or midnight! Lincoln misses his daddy and I miss my husband, but we know this will all be worth it in the end!
While David has been studying, I have learned how to mow the lawn--what great fun! Also, our mudroom is now painted and tiled. And, our fence in the backyard is now white instead of brown! Lincoln and I have been to almost all the different parks in Lincoln and the zoo numerous times a week. We have stayed busy, and we have already begun the annual farmer's tan!
We have been productive waiting for our daddy to finish finals! We can't wait for Jack Bauer to figure things out...again, for the poor people LOST on the island to figure out the mystery, for Rory Gilmore to decide what she wants to do with her life, for George to fess up to Callie about Izzie, for Jim to imitate Dwight every week, for someone other than Charla and Mirna to win the AMAZING RACE, for Alex to get back in on the good side of the other remaining SURVIVORs, and for Andy Baldwin to pick his bride! Yes, we have been very productive!
COME HOME DARLING! we miss you.

Sweet!

What fun lies ahead!

Manhattan Temple

FAO Schwarz

New York was good to us! We saw three Broadway productions, and we ate a lot of good food. We missed Lincoln, but a week in New York taught me that one-on-one time with your spouse is ESSENTIAL. We had a great time, and we recommend leaving your babies with others to spend time together.

NYC here we come!

For our anniversary, we are going to New York City, and we are staying here.
I am trying to get this excited, but I have never left Lincoln for one day, let alone 5 days! I have tried to convince David to let us bring Lincoln. But, he keeps saying something about not enjoying NYC because the baby wouldn't like being in the car, and he has to be in bed by 7:30, and he can't see Broadway shows, or David Letterman! So, we are leaving him in the Midwest, while we travel all by ourselves to the East Coast. I guess I will try and enjoy NYC without my baby. I will try and enjoy David Letterman. I will try and enjoy Les Miserables. I will suffer through Mary Poppins. I will probably not enjoy the hotel. I will try and endure the food. Oh! The food!
Lincoln, I love you. I will miss you sooooooo big, but I know you would want me to enjoy my trip. So, for you, I will try my best to be a good sport about it.

Mmm.... and here is the way Lincoln enjoyed his first ice cream cone. Happy Birthday, Buddy!

My First Ice cream Cone

All he really wanted to do was spread it all over the table...He liked the taste of the ice cream, but wasn't sure how he felt about the cold! Happy Birthday, Lincoln!

P.S. sunshineinthesoul.blogspot.com is back!

365 Days of Bliss....

 

Ta Da!

 

THEY....

They is an interesting character to me. They gets blamed for a lot. Whenever people can't pinpoint exactly who exactly did or said something, They shows right up.

"They said I could...,"

"They want you to..."

or my favorite...

"You know what They say."

I'm starting to think They is some commitee in the wretched state of Nebraska that makes a lot of decisions that people are both happy and unhappy about.

Oh well....Lincoln is still the cutest kid on the planet...and They would probably all agree about that.