It's About Love...

When I called our Joanie Girl, and told her we were moving to Arizona, her response was so gentle and kind. She said, "Well, that's good, you will be able to take care of the boys." This was followed by silence, and I knew there were tears. We were so grateful that she came to Henry's first birthday party. It was not only a celebration of his first 365 wonderful days on the earth, but it was an emotional celebration of a brave young woman, who made such an eternal sacrifice.

At Henry's party, I wanted to share with my family, my friends, and Joanie the feelings that I have had over the last year.

So, I wrote a song.
(click above)

The first verse (I sing this one) was from my perspective as an adoptive mother; not quite sure what to do or say at first; not sure how to say thank you; feeling like my happiness and her grief were inevitably tied;

but knowing that the Lord could heal.

The second verse (that's my sister-in-law Becky, who created the beautiful alto voice) is from the perspective of a birth mother, speaking to the baby she placed; who someday may wonder why and how she did what she did; and she shares that even through heartache,
the Lord is always there.

Writing this song was a very emotional and a very spiritual experience for me. I felt the Lord's hand in my life as the lyrics and the music flooded my mind. The day that birth mother's verse came to my mind, I sat and bawled as I looked at my boys. My heart was so full of love for a Heavenly Father, who had allowed me to be a mother; not once; but twice, and I am still in awe of the decision Joanie made, and we love her.

My heart has a special place for her filled with reverence, love, and respect.

Let me be perfectly clear, the phrase, "the day that I let go," does not imply that I think birth mothers should place a baby and then say goodbye forever. When David and I started the adoption journey, we were on the end of the spectrum of , "absolutely no contact, we want it closed." But, when we met Joanie, and we heard her story, and we recognized that this young woman had been guided by the Lord to make a selfless decision, we knew that her ability to "let go," just meant that she would be able to give him what he needed by placing him for adoption, and in turn, she would be able to go through a refiner's fire and be purified.

We Love you Joanie Girl.

I love this picture, because Joanie saw that Henry wasn't happy eating cake,

so she came and held a lollipop in his mouth. She stood and held it as long as it made him happy.

Joanie as part of our family.
My mom, Joanie, Henry, Me, Lincoln, David's mom, Grandma

Joanie, Henry, and me.

It's About Love.

I love you Arizona....

When we were an hour from Tucson, our 26 foot rental truck broke down and required three tows to be finished with it. We drove into a 100 degree day, and we moved into a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. And you know what?

I AM SO HAPPY.

The morning after we got here, my girlfriend Car-Car brought us paper plates and cups, and made us breakfast. Since then, we have enjoyed pizza and swimming with our two families.

Today, we went to church in what I refer to as my home ward, even though my family has not lived here for 11 years. I knew almost every member of the ward, and it was a very warm welcome.

In front of us sat my voice teacher from my youth. She has a beautiful voice, and I hope that she will teach me the words to "I love you Arizona," so that the beautiful song will not be forgotten.

Behind us sat my very special friend, Cali who has not forgotten one member of my family.

The Swiss family, our lifetime friends, kindly invited us over for dinner,

I was most grateful today for Brother Baker, who is the nursery leader. To be honest, I was a little emotional to see a man who taught my brothers in young mens teaching my big boy, and I know that as Lincoln listens to him, he will grow up to be a righteous priesthood holder, just like my brothers.

Plus, Arizona gave us some treasures. For my 29th birthday, I went to the Salvation Army and got these:

(I don't usually have a love for furniture, but when I saw these, I fell in love with the style and the color.)

And of course: we have already taken advantage of this and this.

Once again we thank our Heavenly Father for the blessings He has so lovingly given to us. We feel His hand in our lives on a daily basis.

I am grateful for my husband for working so hard, and being so willing to have a new adventure. Sweetheart, thank you for bringing me to Arizona.
I know that you already know how much this means to me, and I can't wait for our upcoming adventures together.

Indeed, the best part of this new journey, is being on the adventure with my boys. I am head over heels for these boys.

I love them tons bit in the whole world.

Nebraska

I giggled on our anniversary when my husband and I
were eating D'Leons and my husband said,
"I'm really going to miss this."
I was only giggling because we are moving to
Tucson, Arizona;
a short drive from the border
and the home of authentic Mexican food.

But, it got me thinking about our time here in
Nebraska, and the experiences we have had
to get us where we are today.

When I think about Nebraska:

I will remember our first home;
Our home is full of 3 years of deeply seeded memories.
Most of them are memories we will cherish forever;
some of them are memories we will take with us to help us remember the blessings that come from enduring.
Some of them are memories that make us laugh so hard, our bodies ache.
But, no matter the memory- one thing is for sure;
We have been taught over and over again that there is a
loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who have not forgotten us

Nebraska:
reminds me of the screams that came as I jumped out of the bathroom and into my husband's arms, when I saw a mouse in our house.

Nebraska:
is where I will remember Lincoln learning to crawl and learning to walk here on the
beautiful hard-wood floors.
This is the home where we made it through potty-training.
I will remember that this is the home in which he learned to pray.
and the home where he first said I love you.

Nebraska:
will gently remind me of the struggle through infertility.
While this is a memory that sometimes brings fresh tears, I will remember the
healing that took place when our Joanie Girl,
let us love Henry.
I will remember our home here as the refuge we found as we took Henry
to be sealed to us.
This is the home where he first laughed, and where he took his first steps.

Nebraska:
was the answer to the prayers I said
when I prayed to find a friend when we moved here.
After a few weeks of school,
we met the M/R Johnson Family
And three years later, we have met our dopplegangers.
They have ventured with us through late night studying, hundreds of cans of diet soda, pazooki,
waiting and praying for jobs, and finally
GRADUATION.

Nebraska:
reminds me of the drives we took to visit David's family
and the time we shared together as we
watched the lightning bugs.
It reminded me to be grateful for the
the precious time I got to spend
with my own family.

Nebraska:
is the home where I was a witness to the beauty of the earth.
The Spring here is the most glorious image to behold
and leaves no doubt
that this earth is the work of a Master of details.

Nebraska:
is the home where my faith was stretched,
my family bonds were strengthened
and where my testimony was solidified.

This home has been a beautiful learning curve
and a much needed experience,

Fare you well Nebraska.

God Be With You, till we visit again.

Wooden

5 years ago today, David and I were married
for time and all eternity.
I tell you what,
Eternity keeps getting better.

In five years we have graduated from BYU,
we welcomed Lincoln to the family.
we welcomed Henry to the family.
We battled infertility.
We bought our first house.
We gained some weight.
We bought our first bed.
We got our first real job.
And, we are one week away from David receiving his JD

We have laughed.
We have cried.
We have grown closer.
We have been blessed immensely.

Yes.

Eternity keeps getting better.

I love you David Earl.
more than all the stars in the sky.

Today Part II...

today
I am grateful for these words:
(quoted by Thomas S. Monson)

“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth

today
we are still hoping to sell our house,
but we are grateful that we have had a house to live in.

today
we are grateful that our entire family made it through pneumonia in less than 2 weeks.
(David used to get it and be out for 5 weeks)

today
we hope the economy gets better,
but we are so grateful for Humphrey and Petersen who offered David a job in Tucson, Arizona.

today
both of my kids threw fits,
but I am grateful that I get to be a mommy.
Because when I come home from the doctor and Lincoln comes running to me yelling my name and tells me that he missed me, and makes David run back to the car through the rain just to say, "I forgot to give you a hug,"
and
when Henry gives me open-mouthed kisses, and snuggles on David's shoulder until he falls asleep, and I get to celebrate his first birthday with him because of an eternal sacrifice
and
when David plans an evening out for us in the middle of finals, and holds my hand, and winks at me from across the room, and ends our days with prayer

I remember that I am the most blessed of all in my heaven on earth.

today
we are grateful for the rescuing power that has saved us over and over again.

today
is a good day to call on our gratitude power.

the.Worth.of.Souls.is.GREAT.

For any of you who haven't done so yet,
please.
Please.
PLEASE.
take a moment and watch this.
It will be the most uplifting 7 minutes of your day.
I promise.

And now, from a beautiful piece written by James Martin and found here:

"Her Youtube video at last count has received, all tolled in its many incarnations, tens of millions of hits [now well over 100 million]. Why? A few reasons, some obvious, one not.

First, there is the shock factor: what a surprise that this unknown woman can sing so well! Where has she been all these years?

Second, the sympathy factor: we feel compassion for a somewhat plain woman who seems to have been so unlucky in life.

Third, the physical appearance factor: "American Idol" stardom, or even success, is typically the province of the PYTs, pretty young things. Not of people like Susan Boyle...

Fourth, the uncanny resonance of the lyrics of her chosen song, for someone who seems to be traveling through a tough patch of life: "I dreamed a dream in time gone by/ When hope was high,/ And life worth living/I dreamed that love would never die/ I dreamed that God would be forgiving."

"But there may be something else that accounts for our delight, and for those millions of hits.

"The way we see Susan Boyle is very nearly the way God sees us: worthwhile, special, talented, unique, beautiful. The world generally looks askance at people like Susan Boyle, if it sees them at all.

"Without classic good looks, without work, without a spouse, living in a small town, people like Susan Boyle may not seem particularly "important." But God sees the real person, and understands the value of each individual's gifts: rich or poor, young or old, single or married, matron or movie star, lucky or unlucky in life.

"God knows us. And loves us... That's another reason why the judges smile and the audience explodes in applause. Because they recognized a basic truth planted deep within them by God: Susan Boyle is somebody.

"Everybody is somebody."

Just wanted to share that.

-- David

Today...

today
we are hoping to sell our house.
today
we hope that David gets a job.
today
we spent $3000.00 in hopes that David will pass the bar in July.
today
we hope my pneumonia goes away quickly.
today
is a great day to remember the words of Thomas S. Monson:

"Through personal prayer, through family prayer, by trusting in God with faith, nothing wavering, we can call down to our rescue His mighty power. His call to us is as it has ever been: “Come unto me."

today
is a good day to call on His rescuing power.

It's About Love...

Last Saturday,

We headed out to meet Our Joanie Girl.

We were really excited.

We love her so much.

I wish there was a way to adequately express
how much love we feel for this brave woman;

how much love his grandparents feel;

his aunts and uncles;

his cousins;

and most especially his big brother.

It was so wonderful.

Really.

Wonderful.

Every day, we still thank a loving Heavenly Father for this

beautiful girl.

The light in her eyes was apparent. She was so happy.

This is sweet Lincoln on our adventure.

Henry, Joanie, and Me.


Seriosuly people. Isn't she gorgeous?

Henry was just entranced with Joanie.

How could you not be?

Before we left,through tear filled eyes,

she said something that will be forever etched in my heart.

She said,
"I want to tell you something that I haven't been able to say for a year.I can see that he is healthy and happy, and that you love him. Thank you for giving him what I couldn't."

Again, I can't adequately describe the love that filled my heart at that moment.

I was overcome with emotion.

So we sat for a moment and we hugged.

and hugged.

and cried.

Joanie Girl

thank you for giving us

this precious baby.

We.

Love.

You.

Tons.Bit.
(and at our house, that's the most.)

There is no place like home....

We had such a wonderful visit to Arizona.

When we got to Tucson, we stayed with
Car-Car, Trevor, and sweet baby girl Ellena.
Ellena shared her toys and books with me,
and she helped me make cookies.
She took me swimming,
and of course she took me to eegees.
She told me she loved me hundreds of times a day,
and she was also quite a snuggle bug.

I was going to put a picture here of me and Car-Car

(I took it right before we left, and after nap-time),

so I thought better of it,

because who knows how many blackmail pictures she has

of me from high school and college.

Also,

We had so much fun spending time withmy brother

Jaush, and his wife Amy, and their 3 cute kids.

Those sweet little kiddos helped me so much

when I started missing my babies.

I got lots of hugs and tons of kisses.

We tried to go camping at the Grand Canyon,

but the power in the camp went out at about midnight.

So, we headed home after a great meal of steak and potatoes.

I was always close to my brothers,

and being around one of them during the trip made me feel so at home.

It was windy, but the kids were troopers.

This is also about the time where Lincoln called me

and asked me to sing "I am a Child of God,"

So, in front of all the people at the Grand Canyon,

I sang him his lullaby.

Baby Isaac.



Cannon.

MY brother Jaush, reading the scriptures with his kids.

Girl.

So, now, I am going to

close my eyes,

click my heels three times

and say,

There's no place like home.

911

Yesterday, I answered the cell phone .

Here is how the conversation went.

Me: Hello?

911 operator: Hi this is 911. Is everything okay?

Me: (thinking- well we still need to sell our house and get my husband a job, but since you aren't my psychic...) Yes, everything is fine.

911: Because someone from your house just called 911. We heard a baby crying and wanted to make sure everything was okay.

Me: (picking up the phone Henry was playing with) Yes. Everything is fine.

Little Turkey found a way to:
call 911 (actually 9111111111#24)
and turn the phone on.
plus, he gave them the added pleasure of crying, so they had to make sure he was okay.

* and doctors want to know if almost one year olds can play with a ball.

Seriously.

Adoption Sunday

Who knew that there was a stake calling to work with birthmothers?

I didn't.

Until Sister T asked me if I could help her with her calling

and speak to three sacrament meetings about the blessings of adoption.

There is only one problem:

I only get 10 minutes in each meeting.

I have never been so excited to speak in sacrament meeting.

And, to make it even better,

we will be spending Saturday with our Joanie Girl.

We are so excited to see her.

We are so excited to tell her again how much we love her;

to tell her how blessed we are because of her sacrifice.

We invited her to Henry's first birthday party,

and we hope she comes.

I wrote her a song about this entire journey.

She is the reason I can speak about adoption in church on Sunday.

She is the reason I have a voice on the blessings of adoption.

She is a blessing to our family.

We love you Joanie Girl.

P.S.

Yes, I still need to post pictures of our trip to Arizona.

Those are coming soon, but David has been

working on a presentation,

a 30 page paper,

trying to sell our house,

and finding a job,

So I figured the pictures needing to be downloaded could wait.

Anyways, here is to about 6 weeks left of Law School

We Love You Sweet Boys....

Hi Sweet Boys. We saw some AMAZING things in Arizona today.
Here is another picture of cactus. Aren't these Awesome-possum!

Daddy took another picture of a school bus because it was so close.

Maybe someday you boys can ride on a school bus...

Look at this Castle. Who do you think lives there???

Yikes! What is it? A Tyrannosaurus Rex.

We miss you a lot.
We love you tons bit in the whole world.

Love,

Mama and Daddy

Guess what we saw today...

Hi Sweet Boys,

We love you TONS BIT,
and we thought about you when we saw all these wonderful things.

What is that in the sky? You are right! An airplane!

Oh My Goodness! Can you even believe it! A super-duper fast motorcycle!

Daddy is saying that he loves you soooooo much.

Mommy loves you guys the most ever in the whole world.

This is a saguaro cactus. It has sharp pricklies on it!

We will talk to you tomorrow.
We love you
XOXO
(that is extra hugs and kisses for you.)

Love,

Mama and Daddy

Hi Sweet Boys....

We love you sooooooooooo much! Thanks for your letter about your new favorite show. We are so excited for you to show us the comet in the sky. We want you to know that we have been thinking about you good boys all day. Here is what we did today:

We found Uncle Jaush Aunt Amy, Cannon, Carsen, and baby Isaac who says hi to Lincoln Log and Baloo.

We saw a tee-pee. (This is where Peter Pan's friends, the Red Men sleep.)

Can you believe it? We found a school bus on the top of school bus mountain. (You can sing "on the top of Dragon Mountain if you want to)

Just in case you boys need to know how much we love you, just look at these pictures and know that We love you. (Can you do this with your hands?)

Daddy Loves you Tons Bit.

We can't wait to talk to you on the phone. Be the good boys we know you are.

Love,

Mama and Daddy

Dear Lincoln and Henry...

Since we are so far away, we thought we would show you what we have been doing. We want you to know we love you Tons Bit, and we miss you. Here are the things we saw yesterday while we were driving. Lincoln, maybe you can tell Brother what these pictures are.

Can you believe it? A FLOCK OF BIRDS!

This was a big statue we saw of a nice cow. He has HUGE horns!

Do you remember what we sing when see this? I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN
(and I know you will probably sing, I'm proud to be an American Flag.)

Can you guys believe we saw cowboys who were riding the range?

Well good boys, we love you. We will call you soon. Have fun and be good.

Love,

mama and daddy

pregnancy through my years...

In my life I have had some amazing girl friends.
These are women I have looked to for support, laughter, and friendship;

the kind of friendship that changes your life for the best.

Today's post is about three of my favorite people:

Car-Car-
Wendy-Marinky-Dinky-Dink-
Mandy J-

Because of thier great friendships, I have become a better woman than I otherwise would have been.

Car-Car and I sang in high school choir together. Sleepovers were a weekly occurence. We loved to talk about boys and sit at the piano and belt out "In His Eyes," until all hours of the morning. I drove 14 hours to be at her wedding, and she drove 14 to be at mine. I have letters in my high school year book that she addressed to my future children.

I love her!

Wendy and I were inseparable in college. We laughed together often, and we became best friends through the awesome calling of visiting teaching. She was my encouragment to go on a mission, and she was there at the birth of my first baby. (In fact, she snuck me Taco Bell a few hours after Lincoln was born, when I was supposed to be on all liquids.)

I love her!

Mandy and I have spent more time together than with our husbands these last three years (I say that only half-jokingly) Mandy has been my friend through infertility, the adoption process, Federalist society trips, and painting every room in my house! She has taught me a great deal about the kind of mother I want to be. I know we will be friends forever.

I love her!

I often think how well the Lord knows me to send me these incredible friends who have seen me through some of the hardest and most joyful experiences of my life.

Now, some might still be wondering about the title of this post;

pregnancy through my years,

I will just go on the record of saying I AM NOT PREGNANT.

and, for one of the first times since starting a family,

I am completely happy with that.

I am content with my big boy

and my baby,

and especially, my Sweetheart.

I could not ask for more.

But, I am the proudest best friend because:

Car-Car is due in September with baby number 2

Marinky-Dink is due with her first baby, a boy, in August

And Mandy is due in August.
(and for those of you who are in Nebraska--Mandy did give me permission to post this since she is not going to walk around telling people...)

I love these girls.

I am eternally blessed because of their friendships.

Enjoy motherhood

You were made especially for this!

A month to remember...

Dear Joanie Girl,

Last year in February, we met you for the first time. We loved you from the beginning. You were absolutely beautiful. You were searching for answers as you were carrying a sweet baby boy, right next to your heart. We prayed for you every single day. We prayed that God would give you the strength you needed to make a hard decision.

As we think about the month of February, our hearts are filled with so much love for you. We still love you. When we talk to you, we can feel of your goodness, and you are still a stunning young woman. You are incredibly beautiful. We still pray for you. We ask God to keep you strong and help you in your daily life. We pray that you will be eternally blessed because of your goodness.

I love to see Henry dance when I get out the yogurt (because it reminds me of how you ate yogurt every day during your pregnancy. ) After his bath, I love to see his hair hold onto a little curl, just like yours. I love that when he stands up, he curls his toes on the carpet--just like you. I love that he has so much of you.

I love February, because it reminds me of you. It reminds me of Henry. It reminds me of the forever part that you play in our family.

Even if they took away all the celebration of Valentine's Day-- February would still be the best month to remember, because it means that we met you and you joined our family forever.

We Love You Joanie Girl

Best Friends.

Happiness.

A Family is Forever...

Saturday was such a special day.

It will be forever etched in my heart.

My heart was overflowing with love.

I can pinpoint significant memories where this same love has overpowered me;
The day I married David .
The day Lincoln joined our family
The day Our Joanie Girl chose us to love Henry forever.
And Valentine's Day, where we knelt and had Henry sealed to us.

Henry was so happy all day.
He smiled and ga-ga-ga-ed the whole time.
Lincoln's strong and gentle spirit allowed him to sit quietly through the sealing.

The sealer said something that reminded me once a again of the tender mercies given to us from a loving, and all-knowing Heavenly Father.
He said, "Well, Henry may have been sent to the wrong address, but he ended up in the right house."
We are so happy, Henry, that you joined our eternal family.

I could not stop thinking about our Joanie Girl the entire day.
As David and I waited for our friend, President Giles, to seal us, I was overcome with emotion.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as we reverently spoke of the sacrifice made by a brave young woman, and our eternal love for her.

After the sealing, some of our family, and closest friends gathered as David gave Henry a name and blessing. Once again, my heart was flooded as Henry was promised that, like his birthmother who made the right decision against all odds, he too would be able to make the right decisions, even if they weren't popular.
Thank you Joanie Girl. We Love You.

This journey has been filled with a lot of emotion.
There were days that I cried more than I breathed.
There were days I thought the Lord was trying to give us a raincheck on this sweet baby.
There were days that I was furious with infertility.
There were days that I thought, that just this once, the Lord was trying to give me more than I could handle.
And Yet,
I would cry again.
I would welcome a raincheck, again.
I would embrace fury, again.
I would go to the outer limits of what I thought I couldn't handle, again.
Because, When we dressed in white and saw forever standing with open arms
I knew that
the joy of having a forever family was worth it.
every.

tear.
Thank you for all your prayers, your tears, your love, and your support.

Eternity never looked so good.

The blessing (with David's family)

My family

Best Friends


The priesthood members.

Outside the Winter Quarter's Temple.

(my eyes are red because of all the tears)

Saturday was such a special day.

I Love To See The Temple....

Tomorrow

at 2:00 p.m.

We are having this beautiful face

sealed to us

in this beautiful place.

We feel the tender mercies of our Heavenly Father.

Our hearts are filled with love and gratitude for His kindness.

Eternity just keeps getting better.