I believe in magic....

I have put pine-sol in my bath tub.

I have mixed it with
CLR
The Works
and
Clorox.
I let all of those chemicals sit together for hours in my tub to try and get rid of the ring in the tub that was here when we moved in.
TWO YEARS AGO.

then my girl friend here in Nebraska
(whose name I won't mention because she doesn't believe in blogs..heehee...)

bore her solemn testimony of Magic Erasers.

I would like to be a second witness that Magic Erasers are truly magic.

No more ring in my tub. NO MORE RING IN MY TUB!

MY last year in this college city in Nebraska (hopefully) will be full of relaxing baths, thanks to Magic Eraser.

Here's to clean tubs!

with no rings.

Can I get an Amen?

Dear Joe

DEAR JOE,

I have seen many examples in my life

where one person has made

a significant difference in the world.

When I emailed all of the

health teachers in our city

(there were a lot of you)

THANK YOU

for being the

ONE

who welcomed this adoption presentation.

YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW IT YET

BUT THIS WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE....

even if only one student is affected....

it will be worth it.

thanks Joe!

My name is Brandi, and I am an adoption advocate in the state of Nebraska. Recently, I have learned of the high school health curriculum, and I am especially interested in the section regarding “Abstinence parameters, and the importance of family, etc…”

As an adoption advocate, I find it essential to share the option of adoption with students who are in the position of having to choose between being a single parent, or aborting. In addition, this presentation offers a healthy solution through a 25-30 minute power point presentation to all students. It discusses the importance of abstinence, and it lays out the cost of having a baby. This is not a presentation aimed at asking students if we can adopt their babies, but rather offering the resources for them to be educated on the subject of adoption.

Recently my husband and I adopted a beautiful baby boy. We are eternally grateful for our young birthmother who decided to make the decision to place her sweet baby boy for adoption. She has graduated high school, and since the placement, she has started college. As she was making her decision to place her baby, she said, “My mom was a single mom, and she had to work so hard just to try and make ends meet. I don’t want to place my baby in day care and work fast food for the rest of my life to try and do the same. Someday I want to get married and have kids, but I can’t do that right now.”

Adoption is a selfless decision that gives babies the hope of the best life in a family with two parents.

Please allow me and my team to share this presentation in your health class. If needed, I can come before and share the power point with anyone who is interested in the presentation.

Thank you for your time,

P.S.

Joe, if you know

any other teachers

that are willing to listen--

let them know!

Thanks!

My Boys.....

Boys are God's way of letting moms know their houses are too clean...

But, in addition to

the fun in the dirt

and the excitement of

roly poly bugs,

these boys are

my.

greatest.

blessings.

This is my only life...my best friend...my Sweetheart.

(I love you more than all the kisses in the world...

and you look seriously amazing here after the 14 hours in the car)

This is our sweet Lincoln.

He actually picked these flowers for GrandMookie,

but as soon as he saw Tiny, his first love,

this was the sheepish face we got

when we asked him to smile instead of staring at Tiny.

(TRUE STORY: he fell in love with Tiny when he was 6 months old...

he saw her yawn and it made him laugh.

After repeated yawns he has been completely in love. )

This is our Sweet Baby Henry.

We won't be offended if you tell us he's beautiful....

Lincoln-- what a fun day with you in your fishing gear.
I love your dirty face.

that smile still melts my heart ...

(...and all the peach colored sunsets...)

Henry...you are our angel baby.

(You were worth the wait, Sweet Boy)

These are my boys.

They are good boys.

Really.

Good.

Boys.

David, Lincoln, and Henry, I love you.

Tons Bit.

Brewer Family Fun...

In mid-July, the Brewer family had a wonderful reunion! Growing up, we went to Yellowstone, many times, and this summer we were able to share a lifetime of memories with our spouses. We had such a wonderful time, and we look forward to many more years of family gatherings.

Our adventures included white water rafting, "See How They Run," at the Playmill Theatre, Old Faithful, Fishing, steak dinner, the rodeo, moose in our backyard, waiting in our cars for the buffalo to move, and.....


SO. Much. More.

It is important to note here that when we were growing up, and we were on vacation in Yellowstone, all four of us kids got pink eye. We had to find a doctor and get some medicine. So, it was ironic that Lincoln had to go have emergency surgery at the nearest hospital (80 miles away) which resulted in MRSA, and 20 days of antibiotics....

Here are a few of the photos from the trip. We ended up with about 1600 photos, so these next few are just a few of the good times we had!



I think this is how little boys are supposed to look after a long,hard day!




Mom and Sis at the Rodeo!





Lincoln and Cannon played for the first time together.


They became good buddies, and we are sad that they are so far away!




The night of the musical. Now, that is a good looking group!





Henry Louis "Little Louie" meets his Grandpa Louis "Big Louie."


Henry would not stop crying, so Papa explained the blessings that our family will receive as we have Henry sealed to us.

He calmed down.



A very helpful woman, who said she didn't mean to bother us, informed us that the wolf zone at the museum was a quiet zone.


Ummm......4 kids --2 and under?.....nothing is ever a quiet zone!




Papa Taught Lincoln how to fish. Lincoln still walks around the house saying "Click, Click, now Turn, turn, turn."







As you can see, Lincoln and Henry REALLY enjoyed having their pictures taken.


I will love the memories of how life really was during picture time.



We had fun.
We laughed.
We ate.
We shared our testimonies.
WE missed our baby brother and wife.

Can't wait to do it again!

Let's give 'em something to smile about

I'd like to thank Joe J. Christensen for this reminder:

How many times in the scriptures does the Lord command us to “be of good cheer” or “lift up your heart and rejoice” and “be exceedingly glad”?

We should remember

that happiness is a commandment

and not merely a suggestion.

This has to be the most marvelous time

in the history of the world to be alive.

It is true—there are many problems.

But there are so many blessings for which we should be grateful.

Of course there are times in our lives when things are so
overwhelming that it is challenging to feel gratitude.
We all face difficulties at some time or another,
and occasionally they are tough.

But in every case,

you probably find out later
that there was something the Lord was teaching you,
something that is or will be of
immense importance in your life.

If right now, or at any time in your life,

you are feeling down, discouraged, depressed,

for whatever reasons,

here is a very practical suggestion.

Take a sheet of blank paper and write on it at random

those things for which you are most grateful.

Write whatever your most important blessings are

in whatever order they come to your mind.

Then after writing the list,

on another sheet of paper

put those blessings in order or priority.

What is your most important blessing?

The second most and so on.

On my list, I had to go down a long way

before I came to any blessing

that could be bought for money.

Our most important blessings are without price.

Also, blessings such as faith, testimony, family, and freedom

were the kind of blessings in defense of which,

if necessary, we would be willing to give our mortal life.

Father gave.

Jesus gave.

And we must give.

There is no other blessing for which we should be more grateful than that of being recipients of the blessings that come through the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ.
Add all of these blessings to your list. Then, on those days when you may not feel like smiling, take out your list and read it and recognize how blessed you are. You will find it easy to smile and to be of good cheer. You will also find it easier to be grateful.

LIFE...

So, for some time I have been wanting to post some more about our adoption journey.

A couple months ago, David and I took Lincoln to Nauvoo. We had the opportunity to walk the Trail of Hope, which was originally called the Trail of Tears. It was an incredibly emotional experience, and I the Spirit pierced my heart and testified to me that their was indeed a multitude of sacrifices made by those who had chosen to follow the Lord.

I obviously didn't cross the Mississippi with the saints, BUT I can imagine what it would have been like to be following the Lord and yet to still have to struggle:


The people did all they could do, and yet, still their boat sank! Some saints were tossed and sported on the water.

Infertility feels like that.

Yet, they continued on. They did what they could. And, even through the fourthwatch, they were diligent and obedient.

They were blessed for their sacrifice.

She traveled a long way before she had her son.
BUT,
She didn't mind the hardship of her situation because, her life had been preserved;

Motherhood feels like that.

And her son(s)


were so worth the wait:



And so beautiful.

LIFE: The Trail of Tears; The Trail of Hope.

That's All...

Dear Good Morning America,

When you invite one of the 17 girls who has become pregnant, either because of or not because of a pregnancy pact, don't tell her Congratulations, ask her and her high school boyfriend the name they have chosen for their baby girl, and then tell them that it's too bad the media got involved because this should be a time in their life full of happy memories.

INSTEAD:
TELL them about how much their life is about to change!
TELL them about the early mornings, the late nights, the doctor's visits, the money, the stress, the lack of their childhood, and then...

TELL THEM ABOUT ADOPTION.
and then...

THEN tell them CONGRATULATIONS for making a selfless decision; a decision in the best interest of the child.

That's all!

Brandi

WHAT THE H-E-double hockey sticks!

---BOSTON - An investigation has been launched into an apparent teenage "pregnancy pact" that has at least 17 high-school girls expecting babies, four times more than last year, including many aged 16 or younger.
A high school health clinic in the city of Gloucester, Mass., became suspicious after seeing a surge in girls seeking pregnancy tests. Local officials said Thursday nearly half of those who became pregnant appear to have entered into a pact to have their babies together over the year.
"Some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Gloucester High School principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine, which broke news of the pact on its Web site. Some of the girls reacted to the news they were pregnant with high fives and plans for baby showers, Sullivan said. One of the fathers "is a 24-year-old homeless guy," Sullivan told the magazine. Others were boys in the school.
Statutory rape charges?Superintendent Christopher Farmer confirmed the deal to WBZ-TV, saying the girls had "an agreement to get pregnant." He said the mothers-to-be are generally "girls who lack self-esteem and have a lack of love in their life." Carolyn Kirk, mayor of the port city 30 miles northeast of Boston, said that many factors could be involved in the recent surge in teen pregnancies in the community, but she doubts a dozen girls would conspire to get pregnant. Gloucester is a fishing town and has been going through an economic decline in recent years. That’s led to cuts in teachers, services and some health classes at local schools.
Still, Kirk told Reuters that authorities are looking at whether to pursue statutory rape charges. "We're at the very early stages of wrestling with the complexities of this problem," she said.
"But we also have to think about the boys. Some of these boys could have their lives changed. They could be in serious, serious trouble even if it was consensual because of their age — not from what the city could do but from what the girls' families could do," she told Reuters.
Under Massachusetts law, it is a crime to have sex with anyone under the age of 16.
The ‘Juno’-Jamie Lynn effect?"At the very least these men should be held responsible for financial support, if not put in jail for statutory rape as the mayor has suggested," Greg Verga, chairman of the Gloucester School Committee, told Reuters in a telephone interview.
Nationwide, teen pregnancies are showing signs of rising after steadily declining from 1991 to 2005. This trend was highlighted Thursday when Britney Spears' 17-year-old sister Jamie Lynn, star of Nickelodeon's popular TV show "Zoey 101," gave birth to a baby girl, according to People magazine.
"The data seem to be indicating that the declines that we had seen through the 1990s are coming to a close," said David Landry, a researcher at the Guttmacher Institute, a New York-based nonprofit group focusing on reproductive issues.
Birth rates for teenagers aged 15 to 17 rose by 3 percent in 2006, the first increase since 1991, according to preliminary data released in December by the National Center for Health Statistics. Landry cautioned against attributing the trend to Hollywood following the recent hit movie "Juno," in which a teenager gets pregnant and decides to have the baby, and "Knocked Up," a comedy about a one-night stand.
"The trend emerged before those movies," he said.
In Gloucester, the 1,200-student school administered 150 pregnancy tests to students in the past academic year. The school forbids the distribution of condoms and other contraception without parental consent — a rule that prompted the school's doctor and nurse to resign in protest in May.
"But even if we had contraceptives, that pact shows that if they wanted to get pregnant, they will get pregnant. Whether we distribute contraceptives is irrelevant," said Verga.


Dear 17 Young Girls,

I am sick to my stomach.

I am furious. WHAT the hell were you thinking?

I am praying that you will become wonderful birthmothers instead of young girls under the age of 16 who think raising a baby is all about dressing up a doll baby.

BUT.

I have a great power point presentation just in case any of you want to know the price of a baby. That's including the physical, mental, and emotional price.

AND

I know some great people looking to adopt!

Please! Make the right decision!

Brandi

Come Home

It has been awhile since I have written.
Even my Sweet husband told me that I hadn't blogged in a long time, so I guess it is time!
In the last month, many things have happened; most of them are not memorable, but for the few that are noteworthy, here we go:

FIRST:
I got cast as Mary Lewis in the production of "Come Home To Kanesville." This show is "the sing-'n-dance musical , a story of love and faith set against the heart-rending saga of the pioneer experience." Yes, I play a woman who has two young children. (One of their names happens to be Henry Lewis.) Yes, I fall in love, and have to be kissed by character Jonathan Briggs (played by 61 year old Brother Bell) My character is intense, faithful, and historically a real woman! I have been strengthened and hope that I can portray such a faithful woman on stage, and in my life.

SECOND:
Our social worker called us and told us that Anthony, bless him, has hired an attorney and has decided to sign his rights away.

DEAR ANTHONY,
Thank you for giving Henry the opportunity to come to our home. Because of your decision he will be able to learn and grow in the gospel and have a forever family. We love him more than we can express in words, and if you were here we'd probably hug you! As he grows, I hope he gains the quality of selflessness from you; the ability to put the needs of someone else above his own wants. Thank you Anthony. We love you.

THIRD:
We had a wonderful Father's Day. None of the talks in church were about fathers, no one mentioned it at the pulpit, but I think that when David came home and found his present, it made up for it. We love you Sweetheart!

Soon to come...more on our adoption journey!

I'm Lovin It....

Yesterday, we packed up the car, the kids, and Mookie, and we headed off to Grand Island.

We were going to meet our Joanie Girl at the park, but when we pulled into town and stepped out of the car we realized that it was REALLY windy, and probably not the best park weather.

We did a quick re-planning and decided that if our sweet two year old wasn't going to get to go to a park, we would have to find a very close second.

Thank you Grand Island for having a McDonalds.

Joanie had shown up 40 minutes early, and when we got there she was standing outside her car.

She looked
stunning.

Radiant.

Beautiful.

The excitement was evident in her eyes.

But, there was something more.

It was easy to see how much Joanie loved Henry.

I had to hold back tears as the Spirit testified to me again of the eternal sacrifice made by our Joanie Girl.
Henry is a miracle to us because of her choice.

We love you so much Joanie.

Joanie brought gifts for Henry. She brought beautiful receiving blankets. and a soft plush puppy for him to snuggle.

Then.

It Happened.

Tears started forming in my eyes. As she watched me unwrap the last gift (Johnson-n-Johnson baby powder), she said, "I have one more gift for you. I got it for you because it reminded me of how he smelled every time I saw him in the hospital."

I'll tell you friends. I cried over baby powder.

What an amazing woman.

I don't know what that would have been like: to have been so close for 9 months, to have touched his perfect little face, to have smelled that perfect baby powdered skin, to have loved with a perfect love, and then to have sacrificed so willingly.

Not a day goes by that we don't talk about our Joanie Girl and thank a loving Father in Heaven for helping one of his daughters make that choice.



Don't worry Joanie Girl; we will always give him two hugs and two kisses.

We love you.

In Other News:

Dear Brave and Adventurous Lincoln,

Even if you run into the door at McDonalds


You will still always be our Superman.


(Thanks Mookie for our new capes!!! We love you Tons Bit.)

The Winter of Our Discontent; "HAL"- le -"LOU" -jah

THIS IS HOW MY POST WAS STARTING:

For those of you who are waiting on the edge of your blogging seats for the results of the DNA tests....

So are we.

We still don't know.

When "P" our social worker said this was a harder adoption than others and that he had never dealt with this in all his years as a social worker, we knew we were in for a lot of surprises.

This is what we know:

The DNA lab only sends out results on Friday (for us that was 3 days ago)
They sent them to our social worker.
He should have them by Wednesday.

I really have appreciated all the calls of support and willingness to serve. I am grateful for the comments made by those who have gone through this process with us.

We want you to know that we have that same scary feeling again.
You know the one you get when you pray for understanding and as an answer you get

PEACE --

It's scary because, we don't know if this means we will get to love Henry for eternity or if we will be taken care of

if that other part happens.

But, we can't deny the love we feel from the Lord at this time.
We would be ungrateful if we didn't recognize His hand in our lives.

We feel blessed.

Discontent with uncertainty,

but blessed nonetheless.

BUT THEN,

"P" RETURNED MY CALL ABOUT HOW TO GET HENRY A SOCIAL SECURITY CARD AND FINISHED BY SAYING:

"by the way,

Trent is not the birthfather.

Zero percent chance of paternity."


DID YOU HEAR THAT?
HE'S
NOT
THE
FATHER!!!

(I'm bawling. AND LAUGHING.)

Thank you Heavenly Father for this tender mercy.
Thank you for dealing gently with my heart.

I'm a mommy again.

YES!!!

David and I jsut celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary.

We celebrated in style.

We got in our car, drove to the corner gas station, and bought nachos (for me), donettes (for David), and 64 oz of diet coke (we shared.)

We were so content spending the evening with our little boys.

and each other.

We spent some time talking about our last four years.

And, as we did, I had it reaffirmed to me that I had made a wise decision by marrying David.

He is my best friend; the one I will love forever.

So, for those who have not been able to witness the last four wonderful years, here are some of the greatest blessings of our marriage thus far:


YEAR ONE: April 30, 2004- April 30, 2005

Sealed for eternity in the Bountiful Temple.


We rented our first two apartments (together!!!)

David came each week to my Doctrine and Covenants class just so we could spend extra time together.

Four our 1st anniversary, David took me back to the Inn where we stayed on our honeymoon.
This also included 12 yellow roses.

YEAR TWO: April 30 2005- April 30, 2006

We both graduated from BYU. We got to walk together.

Lincoln joins the family. He weighed in at 7lbs, 14.5 oz, and 20.5 inches long.
(Consequently, with 48 hours of labor, and an emergency C-Section...David did not leave my side once. This is very telling of the gentle, and diligent man I married.)

We sang "I am a Child of God," and said a prayer with Lincoln and all his grandparents in the hospital the night he was born. We love you, Sweet Boy.


What an incredible experience to witness the power of the priesthood as David gave Lincoln a name and a blessing.

David gets accepted to University of Nebraska Law School.

We buy our first house, with a mortgage of $555.57. This was less than our rented Provo apartments!



YEAR THREE: April 30,2006- April 30, 2007

One year of Law School down.

Two to go.

David gets a law job.

David takes me to New York.
We go to the Manhattan Temple.
We feel impressed with two words: February, baby.



YEAR FOUR: April 30, 2007- April 30, 2008

Start adoption paperwork.

Get chosen by our Joanie Girl in FEBRUARY.

New BABY Henry joins the family, weighing in at 5lbs, 14 oz, and 18 inches long.

We sing "I am a Child of God," with big brother Lincoln and say a prayer as a new foursome. We love you, Angel Baby.






They say the best is yet to come.

That is hard to believe, because what has already been could not have been any better.

I love you David.

Tons Bit.
and you know that that's the most.

You make my life worth living each day.

I love spending eternity with you.

Henry "Hal" Louis

Dear Henry, "Hal,"

You are beautiful.

You are healthy.

You are strong.

We love you.

oooooooooooooooooooooh....what a sweetie.





My little snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug boy.






Henry at 5 days old




"hmmmm.....is this what I signed up for?"


He is an angel.

We are so happy that he joined our family.

We love you Henry.

P.S. Here's what I know:

tomorrow at 10am we have:

a cheek swab,

a picture,

and a thumbprint

Heres what I don't know:

how long the results take.

how to prepare for the results

emotionally

physically

mentally

spiritually

BUT:

The Lord doesn't put us through this test just to give us a test;

He does it because the process will change us.--

Henry B. Eyring

(Now, if that's not a man to get your first name from, who is?)

Oh No!

Dear Family and Friends,

Oh, NO!

Here we are again, asking for your help.

your prayers.

your faith.

Joanie had a cousin, who didn't want her to place the baby for adoption.
She called Potential Birthfather #2, Trent, and said that Joanie had a baby, and

it could be his.

He's having a paternity test done on Saturday.

PLEASE. PLEASE.PLEASE.

don't let this be his baby.

(He is adamant about keeping Henry, if it is in fact his baby.)

Our case worker said he's never seen it actually go this far.

but, if Henry is Trent's baby,

we have to hand him over.

Trent is not concerned about what's best for the baby.
Joanie was concerned.
She sacrificed.
Trent is only concerned about himself.

I can't do it.
I love Henry.

I feel ......(i don't know what to put here. I'm numb)

I love Henry. I really. really. love him.
David loves Henry. really. really loves him.
Lincoln adores Henry, and he is a great big brother.

If you can pray, and talk to Heavenly Father,

pray that Trent's heart will be softened.
pray that our faith will be strengthened.

pray for Henry.

Adoption throughout my life: part III continued

A tribute to our Joanie Girl
This is a tribute to our Joanie.
We have loved this girl from the start.
We have no words to describe what we feel at this time.

How do you thank someone for the most precious gift;

the gift of life;

the gift of love;

the gift of sacrifice.

Joanie,

Today is about celebrating you.
For you, the idea of celebrating must be bittersweet.

When we first met, you mentioned that someday

you wanted to have a family.

You wanted a husband and kids

In the last few months, your world has changed. You didn't have a husband, but...

you were having a baby.

Anthony was long gone and yet, you carried this baby for nine long months (plus an extra day). You endured through morning sickeness, cravings, the weight gain, and the looks from the people in your small town.

You endured the pains of labor.

Then, after all of that...

You made an eternal choice
A sacrifice
And we all shed tears.
Tears of uncertainty.
Tears for this beautiful new life.
Tears of joy.
Tears of separation.
Tears.
Lots and lots of tears.

Why, you ask, are we celebrating?

Often times over the past year and a half, I have often felt as Rachel did. Rachel's womb was closed and she exclaimed, "give me a child or else I die."

We celebrate you today for your decision. Your sacrifice has softened that burden, and your maturity astounds us.

Now, I know a thank you won't take away your tears. And, I know a smile won't silence all your fears.

So, you listen, and I'll talk about today;

the day we celebrate you.

First Joanie Girl, you beat the odds. Abortion rates with teenage, unplanned pregnancy, are skyrocketing and young mother's keeping their babies is on the rise.

Your best girls friends tried to convince you to keep the baby,
Even some of your family ridiculed your decision to place the baby.

and yet...

You WERE brave.

It was a tough road.
We waited as you started to work through the grieving process.

We waited as you went searching for the strength to place.

I don't know what that must have been like.

BUT

I am so grateful that you chose to be part of the 1%,

that tiny number,

who went forward with the pregnancy,

and decided to do what was best for the baby

You decided to place sweet Henry for adoption.

Your mother passed away when you were 13. She was a single mother, and you told me that as much as you loved her, and as good of a job as she tried to do, you didn't want this sweet boy to be put in daycare with a mother who worked fast food to tray and make ends meet. Your wisdome surpasses your age; something we are extremely grateful for.

You are enrolled in college. By age 21, you will have a degree. With an education, your opportunitites will be innumberable.

Joanie, you will be a pioneer in your family; the first one with a college degree.

You are a miracle.

Each day, I will thank God for a brave young woman; a pioneer; a young woman who didn't conform to the crowd; a young woman who desires to have a family in the right time; a young woman who values education; a young woman who let me love again.

Today Joanie, we celebrate you.

Don't worry, I will always give him two hugs and two kisses.

Thank you Joanie for this precious gift.

We Love You.

And today and always,

We Celebrate You.

Adoption throughout my life: Part III

This post will soon be written.

Don't worry,

it has a very happy beginning

Henry Louis was born April 22nd, 2008

He rang in at 5lbs 14 oz, 18 in

We arrived home with him at 1:00 a.m. today.

The whole story will soon be written.

Thank you for your prayers in our behalf.

Thank you Joanie for your sacrifice.

We love you so much.

Vacillating

Dear Friends,

We have come to the point that we hoped would never come. Joanie is uncertain about whether she would like to go through with the adoption. We want to ask all of you to take a moment and say a prayer for her. That she will be strengthened. That she will make the right choice. We have felt the Lord's hand in our lives as a constant throughout this process, and especially today. But, we would still appreciate your prayers.

Thank you.

Dear brother of Jared...

Dear brother of Jared,

You are an amazing example of being a "doer." Things in your life were not easy. Language was confounded, people relied on you to steer them in a direction to find hope. You had a lot to get done and not a lot of time to complain about it. I admire your courage.

I hope I can raise my sons and daughters to have unfaltering faith just like you.

Today, my postst is intended to be some of the important things I have learned in the last 18 months.

I do this in the hopes that when the future brings discouragment and trials, I can remember where I have been, and be, "as a whale in the midst of the sea."
(Book of Mormon, Ether2:24)

The last 18 months, I have gained a deeper respect for what this scripture means to me.

Brother of Jared:

The Lord commanded the brother of Jared, "Go to work..." and build barges so that his people could cross the water safely.
The brother of Jared got to work.
He was obedient.
And yet, his barges were dark.

The brother of Jared continued in obedience, and when he had nothing else he could do, he pleaded with the Lord, saying:

"O Lord, behold I have done even as thou hast commanded me; and I have prepared the vessels for my people, and behold there is no light in them. Behold, O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?"

(Ether 2:22)

Dear brother of Jared,

I feel for you. I really do.
My situation is different, but I am beginning to understand your pleadings.

The Lord has commanded me to "multiply and replenish."

I "got to work"

I was obedient

And, yet, after all I could do, I still felt the darkness of infertility.

A dark womb.

I have pleaded with the Lord:

"Lord, I have done even as thou commanded me; and I have prepared a home worthy of more children. I have magnified my calling, supported my husband, loved our son. O, Lord, wilt thou suffer that I should not be blessed with any more children?"

Dear brother of Jared,

You had been so obedient, and yet the Lord still needed you to do a little more. He wanted you to continue in the faith. I wonder it there were times of despair. How did you feel when the Lord said:

"What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by the light of fire. "

(Ether 2: 23)

Now, the Lord knew exactly what would happen if the vessel wasn't made completely to His instruction. He knew it would be dashed in pieces if windows were added, and fire wouldn't work.

Now, I don't know if windows and fire were your ideas. And, to be honest, if they were, good for you for being a problem solver and trying your best to do what you were supposed to do.

It seems though, that the Lord, as always knew what would happen.

What did you feel? frustration? despair? Did you hope that the Lord would just tell you what to do?

Hmmm...I have felt those things. Yet, the Lord knows what I need better than I do.

He has always been right.

He has guided me.

Day by Day.

Yes.

He listens with each decision that I have taken to Him.

Dear brother of Jared,

Thanks for writing down this next part.
It's my favorite part when the Lord said:

"And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come..."

(Ether 2:25)

I really believe that the Lord knew that my diabetic body wasn't ready to sustain another pregnancy when I thought it should. I never would have been able to cross the great deep, if the Lord hadn't prepared me first. The ideas I brought to the Lord--my windows and fires-- would have dashed my body, and ultimately wouldn't have worked.

But, again, the Lord knew that.

He knew what would and would not work for the brother of Jared,

And He knew the same for me.

So he prepared another way for me to make it through the waves, the winds, and the floods.

He has allowed me to do all I could do, and then He has shown me the way.

Dear brother of Jared,

Thanks for your story.

It has changed my life.

It has allowed me to find light in the darkness.

With Respect and admiration,

Brandi

Adoption throughout my Life: Part II

A very important thought crossed my mind last month after I wrote:

adoption throughout my life.

Without meaning to, I totally neglected to write about my mom's mom, Patricia Nelson.

I learned a lot from my Grandma Nelson.
No matter what anyone else in the family says, I was her favorite, and she was mine.
(I don't think anyone would disagree.)
Before she passed away, she told me that if she was ever going to join a church, it would be the Mormon Church. (my mom was a convert at 16)

Even though she didn't join the church on this earth, Grandma was one of the most Christ-like people I have ever known.

She was a silent-giver.
When my cousin Ed (a cousin on my dad's side of the family) was in a life-threatening car accident, Grandma sent him money in the hospital.
But, she didn't tell anyone about it.

When mom and dad got married, each birthday card to my dad was addressed to "son," instead of "son-in-law."

She was accepting of all types of people.

My grandma had a diabetic son, and she never made me feel like a burden when I visited.

She was and still is:

kind,
compassionate.
generous.
loving
AND
fiesty

I would blame my fiestiness on my mom, but she is still living and can defend herself, so I will blame my fiestiness as well as my mom's on Grandma.

I adored my grandma.
And, that is probably an understatement.

I loved my grandma.
I called her often.
I wrote her many letters; including letters telling her that I wanted to come live with her because my parents were soooo mean, (Yes, I wrote these in my journal when I was 8, and I laugh when I re-read them)

She never forgot my birthday.

She came to watch me star as "Snow White," in the community theatre.

My grandma let me come stay with her for weeks at a time. She would drive 2 hours to my house just to pick me up, and then we would make the 2 hour trek back to her house together (and I never went home without having been spoiled rotten.)

She loved me.

And, I love her.

When she passed away, I was heart-broken.
I hung her clothes in my closet, and I would cry as I opened the door, and I could remember the way she smelled.
I drove her Blue Chevy Silverado truck, and I bawled when it was no longer driveable because that represented so much of my time with my grandma.

Each time we pass a February 7,
I think of my grandma, and I celebrate with her favorite flower (yellow roses.)

She would have adored being a great grandmother. And, she would have been great.

I desparately wanted Lincoln to be born on February 7th, as a celebration of two of my favorite people, but I'm sure she wanted me to hold out a little longer, so that necessity called for two celebrations in February; one all for her on the 7th, and one for my sweet boy, Lincoln, on the 8th.

Consequently, I think this is why she also always claimed to have 2 birthdays! (More reasons to celebrate!!!)

Now, Grandma was adopted as a young girl, and, although I know little of her birthparents, I am so grateful for their decision, way back when, to give her a hope for a better world, by placing her for adoption.

I'm grateful to a woman, who loved so freely, and conquered so much.

Now, I cannot help but think that she has somehow been watching over me. I know she smiles kindly at me.

And, I know for certain that:
she would have loved to be around to meet the man of my dreams
scolded me when I was soooooooooooo mean to Lincoln,
and shed tears of joy at the prospect of Henry being adopted into our family.

Grandma, I love you.
I wish you could be here.
I wish you could see how happy David makes me.
I wish you could see how beautiful my Lincoln is.
I wish you could be here to witness the miracle of adoption once again.
I am so grateful for the kind of woman you were.
I miss you.

I love you.

Anxious

Well, Sweet Joanie is due on Sunday.

I keep having dreams about this sweet baby boy who is soon to arrive in the world!

I feel anxious.

Like I did when I was pregnant with Lincoln.

Everytime the phone rings, I hope it's "P," our social worker, telling us it's time.

(heehee...after I wrote all the above information, the phone rang, and it was Joanie....but, she wasn't in labor. She said that she has a doctor's appointment on Monday (MONDAY???THAT'S AFTER SUNDAY) and they will talk about what to do if the baby isn't here yet!)

Anxiously
Waiting

No.

VERY
anxiously
waiting.