Dear Birthmother

Dear Birthmother,

Here we are again.
We have been thinking a lot about you during this
Christmas season.
We can't make it through the holiday, of course,
without reflecting on the sacrifice of the Savior.
He gave His life for us.
He gave us more than we could give ourselves.
He loved us perfectly.
It would take more than a lifetime to understand His perfect love.
And yet,
as we reflect on the decision you are making,
we recognize your decision as another incredible sacrifice.
Your decision to love someone else more than you love yourself,
is beautiful.
To offer someone more than they could otherwise have,
is truly amazing.
Your decision to be so selfless at this time
emulates the Savior,
and we are eternally grateful for you.

We know we haven't met you yet,
but we already love you.

Merry Christmas
and a
Happy New Year.

December

We are going to be gone for a week!
We are headed back to
Nebraska
(actually Iowa, we couldn't break Lincoln's heart when he asked if it was Nebraska)
when we said it WAS Nebraska
Lincoln responded:
"Dad, we don't live in Arizona anymore."
"What?" David said
"Grandma is coming to get us and take us back to Nebraska."

We haven't had the heart to break the news, that
this is just a visit.

But, until we blog again--Merry Christmas.

Our Favorite Art

I admit. I got the idea from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

But I LOVE the idea of having the walls of our home covered in beautiful pictures of our family.

So, last week, I printed three pictures at 16x20 (only $6 a piece at Costco!), put them into beautiful frames, and hung them on our wall.

I love them, so I thought I would share them:





They hang on the wall above our vintage 27" tv.

Recently one of our dear friends came over and asked, "How does anyone ever watch TV? It's impossible not to stare at those pictures."

I couldn't agree more.

Emma.

My sweet neighbor,
who just returned home from and incredible mission
for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,
came over and shared this beautiful song with our little family.

As we get ready to start the adoption process again,
I hope I can have the strength, and the faith that Emma did;
as she weathered her storms with a
Queen's Grace.

I hope that when it seems like the world is on our shoulders
and the nights grow colder,
that we can stand strong together.

Thank you Sister Emma, for your example.

Dear Birthmother

It's time to bring back our letters to

our next beautiful birthmother,
wherever and whoever she might be.

Dear Birthmother,

How are you today? We are doing great. We can't wait to meet you. We want you to know we love you. We pray for your courage to strengthen you . We honor and reverence the decision that you are making, as we know that the building of our family means that a great sacrifice has to be made; a sacrifice that you are making. We don't yet know who you are, where you have come from, or what your life plans are but we love you. We know that the biology of our family is made of courage, valiance, and a love that endures. Find us soon. We are looking for you.

The Johnsons

Believe.

Mama: Lincoln, the phone is for you

Lincoln: Hello?


Me: Who is it Sweet Boy?
Lincoln:

Lincoln: Yes! I have been nice to my brother
and I've been good for my Mama.

Lincoln: I want a transformer.
(apparently the yellow one called Bumblebee)

Lincoln: I love you too, Santa.

A moment in time

I love being a mom.

I always wanted to be a mommy.

When I found out I was pregnant
with Lincoln,
I was ecstatic.
I was in love with this tiny human
that I held close to my heart
for so long.
The first time I held him, I was overcome with emotion.
I knew that a loving Father in Heaven,
had shared a tiny piece of heaven with our family.

When infertility hit,
my desire to be a mom didn't go away.
The desire to be a mother, was known
to the Lord.
Through fasting,
prayer,
and daily pleading
He
provided a way.

In fact, in July of 2007,
the desire to fill out adoption paperwork
was so overwhelming,
as the Lord spoke to my heart
as He spoke to David's heart,
and we knew it was time.

When we met Joanie,
we fell in love with her.
She was the Angel Mother
for our Henry boy.
The first time I held Henry,
I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of
the selflessness and sacrifice shown by
our Joanie Girl.

We love her so much, and we pray for her daily, and
thank our Heavenly Father for her ability to love Henry
as much as she does.

that being said,
the time has come again.

to fill out adoption paperwork.

Families are Forever.

p.s. the song I wrote for our beautiful birthmothers is on my right sidebar called,
"It's about Love."
Enjoy.

I LOVE Forever

Ever since I met David,

November has had a special place in my heart.
It reminds me of the wonderful time
David and I courted.
the first time he held my hand
the first kiss,
the first I Love You.
the first "not a no-keep going-you are going to love what I have in store for you with this wonderful man" from the Supreme Matchmaker
the first David Roast
(if you haven't had it, you should)
the first invitation to go to his parent's home with him
the first heartache that meant we would be apart at Christmas.

On this particular day, 6 years ago
David told me he could imagine holding me
FOREVER.

He hasn't let me down.

In fact,
the same gentle inviting arms have held me through countless
moments.
While we were courting, they held me, and we longed for Forever.
In the temple, the day we got married, we held each other and thought about our new
Forever Life;
there was a lot to take in, but forever seemed wonderful.
When we found out we were expecting Lincoln, we hugged with the joy of being Forever parents.
The day we graduated from college we held on to the hope that for forever we would be able to be instruments in the Lord's hands.
When infertility hit, the holding was more frequent and a little tighter, to let me know
that Heavenly Father had promised us forever, and He wouldn't forget us.
The day, we were chosen by our Joanie Girl, we held on tight, and realized the Forever that comes from the Lord's hand, when we have done all we can do.
Today, David held on to me as he said goodbye for work.

Yes,
On this particular day, 6 years ago
David told me he could imagine holding me
FOREVER.

He hasn't let me down.

Here's to an eternity of Forever Holding!

Personal Space.

Having worked many years for
Especially For Youth
you become a little desensitized
to personal space.
Most of your days are spent hip hip hooraying,
loudly,
regardless of how close your nearest neighbor is.
Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, Alright, HEY!
It's. Amazing.

6 years ago in August,
I had finished
14 straight weeks of EFY.
that was 24 hours a day with the awesomeness of youth.

and,

I had come to accept that I had no issues with personal space.
There is comfort to be found in being so close.

Then, it happened.
I met the man of my dreams.
the man for whom I pleaded.
the man for whom I longed.
the man for whom I lived my life righteously.

David Earl.

Suddenly, in his presence, I started to
flush when he was close to me.
it was the time our foreheads were touching.
and I could feel his lips talking to mine.

Too close for comfort.
But not yet close enough, for fulfillment.

you know it must be real, when suddenly you have decide that the
alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, hey of your personal space
is something you want to share
instead of something you just share freely

6 years ago today
something magical happened.
David asked me
how I felt about him.
(I had told him not to kiss me until he was sure he really liked me. and I knew what was coming because he liked me six years plus the day before yesterday ago, and he just wanted to make sure I liked him.)
And of course,

I told him I really liked him.

(what's not to like in a package of ultimate perfection? seriously.)

And then,

He kissed me.

and since that day,

I am eternally grateful to share my
personal space

with him.

I love you David.

Here's to an eternity of kisses and personal space.
(the night before our wedding)

I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home.

]

I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home!

Glad as I can Be.

Clap my hands
And shout for joy,
and climb upon his (back and the back of his knee)

put my arms around his neck
hug him tight like this

pat his cheek

Then give him what?

A
great Big big wrestle on the ground!

(Well, we were close, right???)

He didn't pass

HE DIDN'T PASS.

It's impossible to get him to talk about it,
so please don't call.

Now I know what you are thinking:
I am probably thinking the exact same things.

But, he has worked so hard.

TRUE.

He has given so much

TRUE again

The amount that he has given to the family to keep them happy, comfortable,and to keep them going(literally) is immeasurable

Don't I Know It.

However:
we were told that with

A LITTLE MORE devotedness
to what actually needs to be addressed,
(are you kidding me?)

some tender, loving care
(for crying out loud!!!)

and

some more money
(we don't have a money tree!!!)



He

would be able to pass

the next time.

DARN EMISSIONS!





IN OTHER GREAT
AND IMPORTANT
JOHNSON NEWS:

THIS HANDSOME MAN PASSED THE BAR.

way to go Darling.

We are so proud of you.
I heard this song to day and thought about you.
Haven't we felt this?
I love you David Earl!

Dear October...

Dear October,
I never doubted you would come.
But, I am so glad you
finally showed up.

Thank you
for the beautiful leaves
(yes, even in Arizona)
and cool weather.
(Who says 77 at night time isn't cool?)
and reminding me
that this month
6 years ago
I met
my Eternal Companion.

Thanks for being here

Also, look at these beautiful blessings.
October 2009

Mine.

I remember the first time I saw David, in August 2003,
He was wearing a white church shirt, and yellow and blue suspenders.
I remember hearing him talk, and thinking "He is really smart."
People around him were happy.
They were smiling.

I wanted to know him.

Lucky for me, He wanted to know me too.

The first time he kissed me,
I went in my apartment and collapsed on the floor
and said, "I could die a thousand deaths,"
My roommates just laughed and
rolled their eyes.
They must not have known how good my life was going to be.

I did.
and I was right.
Only,
it keeps getting better.

Everyone I know that knows David
knows that he is amazing.

I remember being at his Law School Graduation,
and being part of a standing ovation that congratulated
David
(and a few others...but really for us, David)
on his accomplishment.
He worked his entire life for this.
It was his day to shine.
WE cheered for him
(even though we weren't supposed to)
because he was our dream come true.

I am in love with my husband.
Ask any of my family and his family
and they will tell you

that I think he's perfect.

I do not stray from this belief.
He is perfect.
perfect for me.

He uses phrases like
"I wait with bated breath..." to describe his desire to be sealed to me forever.
and "I only hope it's long enough," when we talk about forever.

He smells like
Old Spice : the one with the green label,
and I admit sometimes after a long day
I steal his shirt and put it on
because I love to smell him.

When he winks at me, it's the kind of wink
that shuts out all the rest of the dancers,
offering us our own stage:
just like in Jane Austen movies

His eyes
sparkle when I make his lunch and dinner,
cry when he thinks about our great nation,
and smile when our sweet boys laugh

and when he calls me Brandi Ann,
my heart jumps a beat
because
I know I am his,
and he is mine.

Today as I was driving
I heard this song
and it was the perfect
embodiment of how I feel
about my Sweetheart.

I love you, Darling.
My Only Life.

Blessings

I love being a wife.
I love being a mother.
These two callings have been my dreams
forever.

Yesterday in Sacrament Meeting
I led the primary children
as they sang their hearts out
for the primary program.

There was one 11 year old girl,
who is adopted,
who shared her testimony of
being sealed to her parents
in the Hong Kong Temple.

The last thing she said before she sat down was
"I Love to See the Temple."

Then the little angels
sang "I love to see the temple,"
with all their might.

They sang.
I led.
I bawled.

"I Love to see the Temple.
I'm going there someday.
To feel the Holy Spirit
To listen and to pray.
For the temple is a House of God,
a place of love and beauty.
I'll prepare myself while I am young.
This is my sacred duty."

I used to write letters to my husband before I ever knew him,
promising him that I would be obedient, and
asking him to be obedient too.
I pledged my love to the future husband, who I knew would
allow the Lord to help mold him
into a choice man.

I remember the day
I knelt across the altar from my Sweetheart,
and we promised each other forever.
He made me a wife.

I cherish this role, and
look forward each day to spending eternity with the man
who kept himself virtuous and of good report.

I also used to write letters to my children,
before they were born,
promising them that I would live my life so that
they could come to a home filled with the gospel; with happiness.

I remember the day my Lincoln was born.
He made me a mother.
I remember his chubby little cheeks, his dimples, and all his hair.
As I held him, I felt the love the Lord had for this little boy.
I cherish my role as his mama.

"I Love To See the Temple, I'll go inside someday
I'll covenant with my Father.
I'll promise to obey.
For the temple is a holy place
where we are sealed together.
(that is where I lost it)
As a Child of God, I've learned this truth,
A Family is forever."

I remember 17 months ago, the day our,
tiny, beautiful little Henry was born.
As I held him and fed him his first bottle,
I knew the Lord loved him.
Sweet baby boy just loved to be snuggled.

And then, Valentine's Day
of this year,
when we took him to the
Winter Quarter's Temple
and he was promised a forever family,
I remember the Lord testifying to me of eternal families.
I cherish my role as his mama.

For each day, of both of our babies lives, we have sung
"I Am a Child of God."
We sing this to teach them of their divine importance.
It is the most requested song in our home.

While they are young, they still know the happiness that comes from basic doctrines like:
I Am a Child of God, and
I Love to see the Temple.

To end the program, the primary children sang a new song,
which is not yet in the
primary songbook.
"The Family is of God."

Honestly, the first 12 times
I listened to this song,
tears streamed down my face,
because I'm a big time cry baby,
but mostly because
this song comes right from the proclamation to the world.

Often, I bore my testimony to the primary children,
that the Lord would bless them with all the promises, in the proclamation,
as they kept the commandments.

They sang,

"The father's place is to preside, provide, to love and teach the gospel to his children.
The father leads in family prayer, to share, their love for Father in Heaven."

"The mother's purpose is to care, prepare, to nurture and to strengthen all her children.
She teaches children to obey, to pray, to love and serve in the family."

"God gave us families, to help us become what He wants us to be
This is how he shares his love.
For the family is of God."

As tears streamed down my face,
I felt an overwhelming love.
It was the love I felt the day I was married,
the day Lincoln was born,
and the day Henry was sealed to our family.
I knew Heavenly Father had blessed me
more than I could have ever dreamed
by allowing me to live in a home where
David takes the lead in family prayer, family scriptures, and Family Home Evening,
and where I get to teach my boys to love the Lord.

I am so grateful for the blessings I have been given.

A smorgasbord of my life.

Last night every sense in which humans are capable of having
(you know:
sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing)
exploded at my house.

in a good way.

Smell and taste were very prominent.
But the hints of sight, touch, and hearing
were not far behind.

Last night we fed the farm.

That means that we created dinner for the three families that live on the farm.

We had home-made chili,
baked potatoes that had been rolled in oil, salted, and poked, then baked,
green salad with bacon,
and fresh banana bread.

Life smelled so good last night.

it tasted even better.

We listened as our sweet neighbor M blessed the food.
The dinner table was set with summer dishes,
brightly colored to encourage summer to last one day more.
We shook hands, symbolizing friendship, almost-family,

We sat and talked.

and it made me

remember

that my life has been compiled of the many senses
yes, the days of my life have been created from
beautiful and dark colors
like the Arizona sunset
and the blackness of lonely days.
on-key and off-key tones
like Martina McBride singing Blessed
and the sting of an unkind comment
gentle and firm hands
like a righteous priesthood holder
AND
delicious and not-so delicious gourmets
like white chicken lasagna
or
alligator or horse, for that matter.
and inviting and off-putting smells.
like newborn baby after a tubby or coffee.

Things such as:
the reason I still can't stomach much fish
because it automatically reminds me of
the one time I ate my Grandma's fish
and it made me throw up.
I was 10

The taste of Snickers
One of the first things I ate when
the diabetic research changed and
now instead of cutting out sugar
we counted carbohydrates.

The inner conflict
of movie popcorn.

Seeing my mom's grateful
smile, and hearing her excitement
after I swept the floor
because
"House"
was my favorite game when I was 7,
and then standing next to my mom making cookies
that made my make-believe house come to life.

Hearing Eponine sing
"On my own,"
being able to smell the rain surrounding her
and memorizing every word,
because having never been kissed at 17
seemed like life's cruel punishment.

The touch of David's hands
and the sound of his voice
the first time he called me
Brandi Ann Johnson
and invited healing for the sick.

Today, my life is still full of vivid senses
It's full of the senses that make up a
happily married
wife and
a happily employed, mother
(it's my job. And who says employment has to be monetary?)

I'm grateful for the times the Lord has guided me as I
forgot to smell, hear, see, touch, and taste
of His goodness.

For these times I am grateful mostly
because His ideas for the
sights and smells of my life
outweigh
the minimalized polaroid
I would have created for myself.

Today...

Today, I got to kiss my sweetheart as he went to work.

Today I got to kiss both my babies.

Today, I remember 8 years ago, when I was a missionary,
and people looked at us like we were crazy when we offered to share a
message of peace.
(we hadn't seen the news)

Today, I watched the
September 11th
documentaries
for the 2nd time
and my eyes
could not contain the tears.

I'm grateful for the sacrifices
that the men and women of this country
especially my grandpa and my brothers-in-law have made
to make sure
that I can kiss my sweetheart
and that I can kiss my babies each day

Today, I am grateful that there is still a message of peace
available to all who are willing to listen.

I'd Like to Say My Testimony...

Before I had children, I thought of many firsts we would experience in the coming years.

first smiles
first words
the first scraped knees
the first "I love yous"
first t-ball games
first days of school
first dates
first loves

But Friends, nothing,

nothing,

could have prepared me fore the overwhelming joy of the Spirit when
today, Fast Sunday,
Lincoln wanted to go up to the microphone and say his testimony for the first time.
We walked up to the front, and he got a little nervous when we got up there.
But, he wanted to tell everyone that he loved Heavenly Father and he loved Jesus.

So I stood and shared the faith of my big boy, and his simple, yet profound testimony of
love, and faith in the priesthood, and his sincere belief in a Supreme Being.

It was the shortest time I have ever spent sharing simple doctrines,
and it was one of the most powerful tender mercies I have ever felt.

The faith of this sweet boy consumed me for a moment,
and I knew that He knew his Heavenly Father.

Lincoln and Henry,
Mama wants you to know that I know
that Heavenly Father loves you.
Jesus loves you.
The priesthood is their power on the Earth.
I love them.
I love your Daddy.
I love you.
Tons Bit in the whole world.

Mama

Internet.....Sweet Internet.....

After 5 weeks of waiting, burying a line, dropping an aerial line, drilling holes, and 3 hours on the phone with COX,
we finally have the internet!

First, my brother Dan and his wife Tina are expecting a baby girl. We are so excited to meet new baby girl in January. Hooray!!! I've been dreaming in pink, and just can't wait!

Next, Grandma (David's Mom) came to stay for 2 fun-filled weeks. We had so much fun. We went to Rocky Point for 4 days, and we worked on our tans.
Rocky Point also offered us the best vanilla in the world, at the cheapest prices.
Grandma made all the dinners while she was here,
and they were seriously delicious.

Among our favorites were
Beef stroganoff
and
Oriental Chicken Salad

One night she made lasagna, and I said to Lincoln,
"Did you tell Grandma thanks for the delicious food?"
"Grandma, thanks for....nope Mama I can't say it."
Grandma and Mama busted up laughing.
(He is still adverse to ground beef, but at least he took his no thank you bite.)

Also, my mother-in-law sent me to a spa.
It was non-negotiable.
She made me do it.
Alas, I had to go.
She said it was for putting my husband through Law School, and helping him study for the bar.
-- It was so good I almost, kind of, thought about volunteering to do it all again.
-- JUST KIDDING.

It was a 2 hour back massage, People.
2 amazing hours.
Quiet.
Peaceful.
Deep Tissue.
Seriously Divine.

Thanks Grandma!

We had so much fun!

My favorite picture from the trip. These two LOVE each other.

Hee Hee. This one is especially for my mom, who thinks poor Henry will forever be stuck in a pumpkin! HaHa!

We've decided to spank him when he's older so he doesn't know how cute he is.

Lincoln's newest crush, who took him fast on the 4-wheeler.

Beautiful Boy.
(we should have started spanking the cute out of him a long time ago. He already knows he handsome)

Grandma couldn't say no! He did inform us that he was Peter Parker, when he took it off.


We have had a delightful summer.
We look forward to some more Arizona heat.

And, once again, Thank you Mr. Humphrey and Mr. Petersen for giving my husband a job. We are forever grateful for your kindness!

Dear Blogging World,

We are out of commission for 4-6 weeks (they have to dig lines to get us internet)....which means no blogging!

I will try to get on the internet before that and blog about:

Grandma's visit and our trip to Mexico!

Until then

the Johnsons

Tender Mercies...

Let's be honest.
This last week I have been exhausted beyond belief.
David has been studying every day for weeks on end,
and tomorrow and Wednesday
are the culminating events that officially end
LAW SCHOOL.

I have felt the strength of the Lord throughout this summer, perhaps more than I have felt in a long time, and that is probably because I have needed this Higher Power to
Lead me, Guide me, and Walk beside me.
He has strengthened my spirit, and allowed me to accomplish being a supportive wife and mother.
He has offered me His hand through this adventure.
And, when I have been humble enough to accept it,
He has walked with me.
Truly.

I have not been perfect, in fact, I joked with my parents, that I almost sold their grandchildren.

But,
tonight as I started thinking about our studying-for-the-blasted-bar adventure,
I was sweetly reminded of the
tender mercies
the Lord has given us.

Tonight, Lincoln came and crawled on my lap
and put his arms around me,
and his head on my shoulder,
and then gave me a big kiss.
As we rocked back and forth
he held my cheeks and said,
"you are the sweetest, yeah you are the sweetest."
My eyes filled with tears
because at my most tired and impatient moment
my sweet boy reminded me of how much the Lord loves me.

Today, Henry and I played peek-a-boo
with his blanket.
He laughed
and laughed
and laughed.
If you haven't heard his laugh,
it can be described as music to the ears.
It's adorable.
He gives me repeated kisses,
and the Lord's tender mercies once again come to mind.

Sunday dinners have been prepared for us all summer
by our wonderful friends,
The B's.
They treat us like family,
and they love us unconditionally.
Yes, The Lord has been merciful in this time of need.

My husband comes home exhausted,
but he always notices the small things I have done around the house.
He always gives me a hug and a kiss,
and I can't help but think
that this
wonderful man
is mine forever.

And that; especially that,
has been and continues to be the most
tender mercy
the Lord has given me.

(We are rooting for you, Sweetheart! We are so proud of you.)