Our First Attempt at an Adoption Fundraiser:

Come support Our Adoption Fundraiser!!!

Indian Fry Bread / Navajo Taco Dinner

April 23, 2010

5:00-7:00 p.m.

9355 E. Wrightstown Rd.

$6.00/Adult, $3.00/Child

Standing firm

Abraham Lincoln once said,
"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. "

Recently, I was informed that one of the most
influential men in my life
moved with his wonderful wife,
to Arizona.

He was my mission President,
(I served as a missionary for 18 months,
for the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
and he was the leader charged with
the responsibility for me and 165 other missionaries)
Now, he and his wife are selflessly
serving as missionaries again.

By observing him,
I witnessed a beautiful marriage relationship,
I saw the blessings that come from bearing a solemn testimony of the Savior,
and I was a recipient of unconditional love.

From President and Sister White,
I learned what it meant to put my feet in the right place
and stand firm.

Through their stewardship,
I was able to be molded, and refined.

I count my mission as one of the most necessary
experiences of my life; a time
where I grew up and learned
in greater abundance who
Heavenly Father wanted me to be.

I am certain that I needed to serve a mission
in order to learn how to listen,
to learn how to endure,
to struggle and
realize the need I had to
stop relying on my own strength, and instead
to rely on an
infinite, eternal, and loving Father in Heaven

I love The Whites,
and today I am so grateful for the
eternal part they have played in helping me
on this awesome journey.

A hand out...

Dear Blogging world,

As you can see in BRIGHT RED to the right,
there is a Chip-In Widget to help us earn money for adoption.

I am not one to ask for a hand out,
without being willing to do whatever we can to help ourselves.

Here in Arizona, we are going to have a navajo taco/fry bread dinner
to earn money,
(time and place coming soon)
but for those of you in in other places,
we know you can't make it for the Spaghetti Dinner.

We don't expect this from anybody.
But, hopefully after a few letters to Warren Buffet and Donald Trump,
we will be where we need to be.

Joking aside, if you want to help, GREAT!
If you can't, we LOVE you anyways.

Sincerely,

The Johnsons.

Tax Return,

Dear First Home We Ever Owned,

Today, we pay you off,
but, we want to
thank you for providing us such a wonderful life for three years.
Thank you for protecting us from the snow.
And even though you had a crazy sloped driveway,
and lots of mice, (lots and lots)
you were so good to us.
You celebrated so much with us.
Things like:
Lincoln turning two and three.
Being a safe place to bring home Henry, and celebrating his first birthday.
A rigorous law school extravaganza,
and a handsome attorney at the end of it all.
Our very own igloo.
You shared in some of our closest friendships,
and you were there for so many tears.
You heard uncontrollable laughter,
and you stood strong (mostly) when potty training took place.
You gave us opportunities to serve.
You allowed changes so willingly
(like a new dishwasher, lots of paint, abd new drywall)
You allowed us to struggle,
but you also rejoiced when we endured the struggle and saw the light at the
end of many tunnels.

Thank you for offering us such a great life for three years.

Love,
The Johnsons

Dearth

I have been in a blogging
"dearth"
as my husband calls it.

Why?

Two little boys
who love to go to the zoo, run on the farm, jump on the trampoline, play in the goat pen, teach me how to play freeze tag, have pre-shcool time, watch movies, pour juice
plus
one extra that I watch
so that we can finish saving money for our adoption adventure!
nine piano students
who bring beautiful music; even if it is "This Old Man," over and over.
keeping house
which, by the way, is my dream come true.
I truly love cleaning the bathrooms,washing the laundry, cooking dinner, and
anything else that reminds me of the incredible roles I have as wife and mother.
Among my favorite activities are Family Night, and putting the boys to bed.
coaching my 4 year old's soccer team
haha! you'd think with 3 incredible soccer-playing brothers I would know what to do. So far we have decided on being the Lions, and we can successfully kick the soccer ball.
helping Henry learn 20 new words
through the speech therapy, he has really progressed, but our summer goal is 20 words.
starting some fertility
My body hasn't worked with previous fertility treatments, but I just want to be able to stand before my Heavenly Father someday and let Him know I did everything I could do.
weight watchers:
I have made it to minus 29.8 pounds since October 2009. I am almost at my wedding weight, and I have about 15 pounds more to go.

That's it.
anyways,
my creative brain
is on its way back.

"afar off"

Have you ever read
THIS
talk?

It is by Sister Anne C. Pingree.
During our companionship scripture study last night,
we read this talk,
and we were filled with the Spirit.

She tells of two Nigerian Sisters who walked
18 miles to renew their faith;
to promise the Lord that,
they would be strong
brave,
and courageous.

As David and I prepare to jump on the adoption train again,
I have to remind myself, that
having complete faith in the Lord,
and His plan,
and His timing,
is
what will
guide me through each day.

I believe in adoption.
I pray for successful adoptions to take place,
and I plead with the Lord to bless our family.
I believe that my divine roles are to be a wife and a mother.
I cherish these roles every day.
But, the test of faith
is allowing the Lord to work
His timetable in my life
(even when I think my chain of events for my life looks good already!)

Sister Pingree says:

"Each day our righteous living can demonstrate a faith in Jesus Christ that sees beyond mortal heartaches, disappointments, and unfulfilled promises. It is a glorious thing to possess a faith that enables us to look forward to that day “when all that was promised the Saints will be given"

I know that the waiting game sometime feels
disappointing,
heart-breaking,
and sometimes you start to wonder if the promise will remain unfulfilled.
I've felt that before.

I remember getting to the point
where I had pleaded, prayed, fasted, visited the temple,
and finally realized
it was
ALL
in the Lord's hands.

She continues:

Sometimes those blessings in our lives
that we have yet to receive
lie beyond the scope of mortal eyes.
I testify that it is always faith
that allows us to see
“afar off” with spiritual vision
all that God intends for His children.

Oh how I wish that adoption, and life in general, came with
the ability to see beyond the scope of mortal eyes.
Just once
to look and see
how long we would need to wait,
plead,
pray,
and wonder.

She adds what really penetrated my heart:

Faith is the most personal reflection of adoration for
—and devotion to—
our Heavenly Father and
His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ.
Anchored by this first and all-important principle
of the gospel, we look to our Savior,
knowing “Jesus [is] the author and finisher of our faith."

"Faith, the spiritual ability to be
persuaded of promises
that are seen “afar off”
but that may not be attained in this life,
is a sure measure of those who truly believe."

It is my quest to be a Believer;

I love my Heavenly Father. And I love the Savior.
I feel deeply grateful for the
Lord's hand that has been so freely offered in my life.

I remember holding Lincoln the first time,
and being overcome with pure joy;
a joy that was given by
the Lord who allowed me to become a mother;
a joy that is still so easily found in his smile and his I Love You.
That first moment will forever be etched in my heart.

I remember the first moment I held Henry.
Not yet legally mine, but still a perfect baby boy,
I remember tears freely falling, and being
overwhelmed with a peace that I have never forgotten.
a peace sent so abundantly from on high;
a peace that sent the assurance that
the Lord
knew me;
a joy that is still felt daily in his laughter
and his kisses.

I know that
HE
knows
my eternal family.

it is my quest to remain a believer
and it makes this new adoption journey a little easier
with the understanding that the
Author and Finisher of my faith,
the Creator of worlds,
and
the Architect of the universe,

knows me.
He knows my name.

San Diego

Lincoln turned 4 on Monday.
I don't know why it is so hard for me
that my babies grow up.
I look forward to the independent,
strong,
brave,
valiant young boys we are raising
to grow up
and be just those things.
But, it is still hard that they grow up.
I love all the snuggles,
and as much as my sweet 4 year old
promises we will always be on the same team
and he will always give me hugs and kisses
and he won't ever stop snuggling me,
I know that someday that might not be the case.
So, I have turned in to me mom, and I cry
that my kids are eventually going to be 18 and move out of the house.

For Lincoln's birthday, I found $25 airplane tickets.
So, we went to San Diego.
And, my parents met us there to celebrate.
We had an amazing time,
and I have decided that vacations to California
are a necessity.
I'm serious.
Our family at the San Diego temple.

Mookie and the boys.

Mookie, Papa, Lincoln, and the starfish.

Henry listening to Papa read
"Five Little Monkeys."

Linc, Mookie, and Papa

I love this picture, because this is what my life is made of.

The man who gave him his dimple.
Love you Papa.

Trying to get a family pic.

Mookie encouraging jumping in puddles.
Henry loved it.

Our navigator, who only wanted to see the tigers.
We walked about 50 thousand miles,
and there was ONE tiger.

Henry running around the San Diego Temple.

Me and My Mom.
(Why people can't accept that I'm adopted is beyond me...hahaha just kidding!)

Henry, Papa, Mookie, and Spunky.
(notice Henry smiles in the pictures where he is on the go, and
he is not quite as thrilled when being contained!)

Lincoln, Papa. Mookie, and Buzz

Happy Birthday Linc.
We love you Good Boy.

in Heavenly Peace

Silent night...

Holy night...

All is calm...


YEAH RIGHT.

On Friday, Henry started sleeping in a bed. For those of you who know Henry's sleeping habits, you'll know how monumental this was.

Henry ONLY sleeps in his crib. EVER. No naps on the couch, or curled up in someone's arms. Even pack-n-plays are miserable for Henry; he always puts up a really good fight before giving in to one of those.

So Friday night was a long night. And last night was even longer (Brandi doesn't remember it that way). Last night, I went in and lay by his side for half an hour. I got a good nap in, but when I finally woke back up, Henry was still wide awake right next to me.

Don't get me wrong; once he falls asleep, he actually does very well. He still sleeps in until well past 8 o'clock (one of the reasons we love him so much :D).

Tonight we after some cuddling and stories, we left Henry and Lincoln in the same bed. As Brandi was shutting the door on our two still-very-awake children, she whispered to Lincoln, "sing Henry some songs..."

She closed the door and we listened as Lincoln sang "I am a child of God" to his little brother. He finished singing, and that was the last noise we heard from their room.

For an hour.

So we went back in and this is what we found:



It was one of those experiences and sights that just melts a Daddy's heart. I love you, my angel babies.



P.S. You can't see it really well in the picture above, but YES, Henry got a haircut (boo haircuts!) Here's a better pic:

how long has it been?

Have you heard this masterpiece?
It's one of my favorites.
When I was in high school,
I begged my choir teacher to let me be an alto.
He put me as a first soprano.
The soprano that sang 2 and a half octaves above middle C
at the end of all the jazz songs.
Now,
after a few years being graduated from high school
I know why.
But, maybe in my older age/next life
I can sing these powerful notes,
and these powerful words.
But, until I can,
enjoy
THIS.

Once again,
prepare yourself for peace.
Overwhelming
perfect
peace.

Free of doubt,
free of fear.
I'll do whatever it takes
to stay
In His embrace.

Another tender mercy.
I am so grateful.

Let HIM heal your heart.

This post is going to be about
my brothers
revelation
infertility
and a forewarning.

First, the forewarning:
Don't judge me because of this post.
Don't assume that because two of my incredible brothers
just had babies,
that I am feeling sorry for myself.
Don't assume that I am filled with jealousy or envy.
Please understand that infertility is a tender subject;
one that affects the Johnson household;

Second, my brothers:
Realize that my brothers and I are 4 kids in 5 years, and so because of that,
and the fact we are all married,
our lives are all very similar in some ways:
We all have incredible spouses
and agree that my spouse is the best
(haha...if any of my brothers read this, they will totally get it!!!)
We served missions within the same few years
We went to college during some of the same years
we are starting our families at relatively similar times.

This being said,
once again
do not assume that
their happiness is what makes me sad.
Nope, their happiness fills me with happiness.

To be perfectly clear:

Hearing that my little brother Dan, had become a dad,
was a sacred and a beautiful moment.
It made me remember the joy of holding a perfect little baby the first time.
I was overcome with joy.
The tired phone call that included a beautiful giggle from him saying,
"sis, she is so pretty, and we are so happy to have her," made my eyes fill with tears.

My older brother and I got are 12 months and two weeks apart.
We got married two weeks apart.
We became parents within a few months of each other.
When he came to me with a big hug and said,
"You are a mommy,"
I was overcome with joy at the tenderness of the moment.
When he became a daddy,
I knew our sons would be good friends.
We have enjoyed talking about bed time, potty training, and other parenting techniques.

My youngest brother does not have kids yet,
but he almost has a PhD,
and he has Gus Gus.
We love that puppy.
My brother's capacity to love
has always astounded me.
He worked EFY with me
before his mission.
Some may not realize what an incredible and amazing
miracle that is, but EFY as a general rule doesn't hire pre-missionary boys.
His first week, he had naughty naughty boys, that were his same age.
He loved them, and he knew the importance of teaching them simple doctrine.
I know he will be a great dad someday.

Third, revelation and infertility:

The Lord has promised that I will have more kids.
He has been very clear with me about this promise.
For that, I am extremely grateful.

But, last night, I was weary.
I have been ready for another baby
for over a year.
to be perfectly honest, I have been ready for triplets
for 3 years.
I have sincerely asked the Lord for children,
and three quarters of me really believes that 6 at a time would be great.
But, for some reason,
unknown to me
the Lord has withheld the numberless concourses of children in my home.
please don't think for a second that I am showing ingratitude for the incredible, and valiant future missionaries who love the Lord, and are good boys,
that we are raising in our home.
We love them.
We are in love with them.
But, longing sometimes takes over
and, last night I was weary.
I believe that our family will increase soon.
soon, being a relative term,
No, I AM NOT PREGNANT
NO, WE HAVE NOT BEEN CHOSEN BY A BIRTHMOTHER
but,
last night I was tired,
and I wanted specifics.

Yes,
I wanted to know the day we would have another baby.
I wanted an answer last night, within seconds of an Amen.
I wanted to be rid of the trial of patience and faith
(haha!!!)
and just know.

But, the Lord didn't give me that.
He let me cry,
and as I separated myself, for just a moment
from the beautiful blessing of the Holy Ghost,
I realized that I needed to be
humble
patient
full of love
(Yes, thank you King Benjamin)

So,
I apologized,
and then pleaded for those things
that moments earlier
I did not want any part of.

And, today, out of the blue,
He dealt
gently with my longing.
He buoyed me up
amidst the sea of infertility.
He spoke to my heart.
He pierced my soul, and I was flooded
with the overwhelming love that
I pleaded for.

As I sat at the piano and played a song that deals with the changing heart of sin,
I was filled with how the Lord understands
ME.
while I was not in the same position as
perhaps the sinner in the song,
the cure I needed was exactly the same:

LET HIM HEAL YOUR HEART.
Tyler Castleton:
(click on the title to listen to the words)

who can know the heartache you are feeling deep inside
who can know the burdens you've carried all your life?
Darkness fills the daylight and the road is much too long
Where are heaven's answers and the strength to carry on?
when the night is lonely, and your pride and fear depart
when the tears have fallen, and the questions fill your heart
Think of How He loves you, how He longs to bring you home
Reach out for His guidance.
He has walked your path alone.

Let Him heal your heart,
Remember every promise He has made
Reach into your soul,
forsake a life of sin
and, He will shine the light inside again.
Let Him help you start
To live again,
and feel His endless love.
Let Him hold and teach you
Love and reach you
Let Him heal your heart

bum bum bum bum bum....

I have been doing pilates for 12 weeks.

I have some amazing girl friends
who
LOVE
to do pilates with me at crazy hours of the night and day.
I have also recently acquired a jogging stroller, and
my boys LOVE to go for runs.

So, you might wonder, why the love for exercise?
I like to exercise.
I exercised all growing up,
through college, and while David went
through Law School.

but more importantly,

4 months ago,
I went to see a fertility doctor.
Among other things she said
"you are obese."
it was a plain and simple statement.

You know what?
I can look at a weight chart and see that I had some weight to lose,
and so it didn't hurt my feelings.
OBESE was a little harsh, but nonetheless,

I TOLD HER:
that I liked the way I was
(and I meant it.)
I like me.
I know my husband likes me.
I didn't want weight to be an overwhelming issue in our home.
I wanted
for my kids to be healthy,
AND like who they were in the process.
(Especially where young women will be concerned, as it relates to my boys--
I want them to date and marry girls who KNOW who they are in the beautiful plan,
and who like themselves.
When my boys are 16,
I still want them to look in the mirror and say,
"I am handsome. I look amazing!")

BUT, then Dr C.
said something that stung a little

"Well, all I'm saying is, I have all the kids I want to have.
If you don't want to have any more kids, and you want to look the way you do,
then stay the weight you are."

Ouch.

So, I became motivated.
Thanks to one specific girlfriend,
who is a weight watcher super star,
and a couple of neighbors,
who LOVE pilates
I found the inner desire to do what I needed to do.

After all,
If what the doctor was saying was true,
then I should be able to get pregnant this year!
Hopefully she's right.

if not, I know a great lawyer
haha.

That being said:

I feel so happy, and I have learned
that
food is not a weakness for me.
I don't eat when I'm sad, or stressed,or emotional.
I just needed some basic guidelines, which I have received now,
to inform me on what is the right amount of food to eat!

I am half-way through my weight loss journey.
I have lost 19.4 pounds in 12 weeks


and I will laugh so hard, if you tell me I look good from this picture.
Before and after pictures coming in a few more months.!
Stay tuned!

Every Day Dream Job

Today,
I just wanted to post some pictures of our family.
we are loving life in Arizona.
This is the first calendar year of our marriage, that we have
not been in school.
David is a real-timer ;
the most handsome attorney Pima County has ever seen.
and,
I honestly could not ask for a better job.
Playing house is the dream of so many young girls;
it was my dream too.
and I am glad that I am at a point in my life
with a college degree
having served a mission
having traveled as much as I could
married to my best friend,
and my number one fan forever,
and
now
I
get to stay home
and see my boys when they wake up
and kiss their perfect,dirty, little-boy faces,
and give them tubbies,
and read them stories
and play with bugs and cars,
and learn cool tricks,like climbing trees,
and jumping on to the couch from the coffee table,
and sing to them before I lay them in bed,
and laugh when they laugh

AND

I get to be home
and look good
(let's be honest, I always comb my hair, and put a clean shirt on,
and freshen my make-up before David gets home, so he can remember the girl he dated,)
and make dinner,
and iron clothes
(I love doing that)
and pack his lunch,
and clean the bathrooms
and get the first kiss when David gets home.

What else could one girl ask for?
I feel incredibly blessed every day.
We know it is time to keep building our family,
and our first adoption interview with LDSFS is February 5th,

but in the mean time,

ENJOY my life;
my full-time job;
my dream job!

Dear Birthmother

Dear Birthmother,

We still think about you,
whoever you might be,
every day.

We are praying for you.

Whatever you might be going through,
no matter what support you have elsewhere,
you will always have us.

We want you to be part of our life.

We love you.
We hope you are close to finding us.

Seriously,
as we have tried to place ourselves in your shoes,
we realize that the selfless decision you are making
has not been made lightly.

We know you are making a decision, that hundreds of others could not make.
Thank you for valuing life.
Thank you for loving your sweet baby this much.

We love you
Tons Bit
(that's the most at our house.)

The Johnsons.

January

Well, today is a good day
to get excited for babies.
Before you get too excited.
this is not a post about babies for me and David,
it is however a congratulations for:

my sister-in-law Amy
having baby #4,
a girl, in a few weeks,
and my
sister-in-law Tina
having baby #1,
a girl, in a few weeks.

We love you girls so much.
You have been incredible sisters,
and we are so blessed to have you in the family.
Thanks for helping my brothers to be the best they can be.
I always thought my brothers were perfect,
and it has been amazing to see that they are capable of gaining even greater qualities because of you,
their spouses.

I love being a Mama.
It is the greatest calling we, as women, will ever have,
second only to being a wife

I believe that the mother heart,
regardless if one has kids or not,
is something that binds us together.
It is a blessing that we receive by divine design,
and I am so grateful that we can all share in it together.

I think what is awesome, is that even though I didn't have sisters growing up,
I inherited sisters through marriage.
I am blessed to have 5 incredible sisters now.

I have written about all of them before, and I truly feel
the Lord has blessed me
with friendship beyond measure
with laughter
with happiness
with beautiful memories
because of these,
my sisters.

Dear Birthmother

Dear Birthmother,

Here we are again.
We have been thinking a lot about you during this
Christmas season.
We can't make it through the holiday, of course,
without reflecting on the sacrifice of the Savior.
He gave His life for us.
He gave us more than we could give ourselves.
He loved us perfectly.
It would take more than a lifetime to understand His perfect love.
And yet,
as we reflect on the decision you are making,
we recognize your decision as another incredible sacrifice.
Your decision to love someone else more than you love yourself,
is beautiful.
To offer someone more than they could otherwise have,
is truly amazing.
Your decision to be so selfless at this time
emulates the Savior,
and we are eternally grateful for you.

We know we haven't met you yet,
but we already love you.

Merry Christmas
and a
Happy New Year.

December

We are going to be gone for a week!
We are headed back to
Nebraska
(actually Iowa, we couldn't break Lincoln's heart when he asked if it was Nebraska)
when we said it WAS Nebraska
Lincoln responded:
"Dad, we don't live in Arizona anymore."
"What?" David said
"Grandma is coming to get us and take us back to Nebraska."

We haven't had the heart to break the news, that
this is just a visit.

But, until we blog again--Merry Christmas.

Our Favorite Art

I admit. I got the idea from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

But I LOVE the idea of having the walls of our home covered in beautiful pictures of our family.

So, last week, I printed three pictures at 16x20 (only $6 a piece at Costco!), put them into beautiful frames, and hung them on our wall.

I love them, so I thought I would share them:





They hang on the wall above our vintage 27" tv.

Recently one of our dear friends came over and asked, "How does anyone ever watch TV? It's impossible not to stare at those pictures."

I couldn't agree more.

Emma.

My sweet neighbor,
who just returned home from and incredible mission
for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,
came over and shared this beautiful song with our little family.

As we get ready to start the adoption process again,
I hope I can have the strength, and the faith that Emma did;
as she weathered her storms with a
Queen's Grace.

I hope that when it seems like the world is on our shoulders
and the nights grow colder,
that we can stand strong together.

Thank you Sister Emma, for your example.

Dear Birthmother

It's time to bring back our letters to

our next beautiful birthmother,
wherever and whoever she might be.

Dear Birthmother,

How are you today? We are doing great. We can't wait to meet you. We want you to know we love you. We pray for your courage to strengthen you . We honor and reverence the decision that you are making, as we know that the building of our family means that a great sacrifice has to be made; a sacrifice that you are making. We don't yet know who you are, where you have come from, or what your life plans are but we love you. We know that the biology of our family is made of courage, valiance, and a love that endures. Find us soon. We are looking for you.

The Johnsons

Believe.

Mama: Lincoln, the phone is for you

Lincoln: Hello?


Me: Who is it Sweet Boy?
Lincoln:

Lincoln: Yes! I have been nice to my brother
and I've been good for my Mama.

Lincoln: I want a transformer.
(apparently the yellow one called Bumblebee)

Lincoln: I love you too, Santa.