Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Beautiful Life...

In the last 5 months life has been more than pretty crazy. I remember about 5 and 1/2 months ago not being able to sleep. I knew what I had to do. I felt it so strongly. I had to quit teaching piano lessons. I got up and wrote a letter to my students and then I slept peacefully. 13 days later, after three years of research and debating with myself , I decided to start taking prozac. It had been recommended to me by two doctors, but I was conflicted. (Do I want to take a pill every day, forever? Shouldn't I be able to cope with this on my own?) I am very open about this because I want my kids to know that this can be a real struggle, and if they are ever wondering why they have feelings of sadness for no reason, they do not have to suffer alone. It has also opened my mind to be a lot more compassionate and understanding of others around me. My life has changed completely. I sometimes go to bed with my laundry and dishes undone. But, I play with my kids a lot more, and I have not felt stress like I used to. I have not had any break downs in 4 months. I have laughed a whole lot more, and joy is a word that I feel more and more.
TENDER MERCY ONE: My life runs smoother, I am happier, I enjoy my roles as wife and mother, and I find it easier to be in tune with what the Lord would have me do. I started taking prozac the day before we decided we needed a career change which would require us to move.
TENDER MERCY TWO: Heavenly Father knows me so well, that had I not started taking the prozac before we made the big decision to move, I wouldn't have started. I would have let stress consume me, and it would have been miserable. Intellectually I understood all the talks about enjoying the little things right now, but the world war in my head was so consumed with trying to control things out of my control. I couldn't meet my own expectations, and that constantly left a brick wall that I would run into at full speed.  But, when David and I talked about moving, I was filled with immense peace, and I had no worry.
TENDER MERCY THREE: Had I not listened to the still small voice about quitting piano, I wouldn't have quit. 
TENDER MERCY FOUR: David got a job offers within three weeks, and Heavenly Father opened my mind to moving to Mesa. 6 months ago when we first started talking about looking for a better career opportunity, Phoenix area was not on my list.
TENDER MERCY FIVE: I knew before we left Tucson that two years there had been a short time, but time enough to allow Jacob Ladd to join our family. I will be forever grateful for those two wonderful years I got to take my family back to spend some of our beautiful life in my hometown.

So, we moved to Mesa. David moved 7 weeks before we did, and it was wonderful finally being reunited as a family.


 Jacob Ladd at 10 months
eating everything
 Lincoln Daniel at 5
started kindergarten
reads well
loves imaginative play
Henry Louis at 3
feels peaceful in the water
loves his puppy Molly
loves the park

David is now preparing to take another bar (required by his firm)
he is loving being a subrogation attorney.
Loves working on our home
and taking care of the pool.

I have felt the Lord's hand daily in our life, and I am so grateful for His gentleness, and His kindness in remembering our family.