Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It's About Love...

When I called our Joanie Girl, and told her we were moving to Arizona, her response was so gentle and kind. She said, "Well, that's good, you will be able to take care of the boys." This was followed by silence, and I knew there were tears. We were so grateful that she came to Henry's first birthday party. It was not only a celebration of his first 365 wonderful days on the earth, but it was an emotional celebration of a brave young woman, who made such an eternal sacrifice.

At Henry's party, I wanted to share with my family, my friends, and Joanie the feelings that I have had over the last year.

So, I wrote a song.
(click above)

The first verse (I sing this one) was from my perspective as an adoptive mother; not quite sure what to do or say at first; not sure how to say thank you; feeling like my happiness and her grief were inevitably tied;

but knowing that the Lord could heal.

The second verse (that's my sister-in-law Becky, who created the beautiful alto voice) is from the perspective of a birth mother, speaking to the baby she placed; who someday may wonder why and how she did what she did; and she shares that even through heartache,
the Lord is always there.

Writing this song was a very emotional and a very spiritual experience for me. I felt the Lord's hand in my life as the lyrics and the music flooded my mind. The day that birth mother's verse came to my mind, I sat and bawled as I looked at my boys. My heart was so full of love for a Heavenly Father, who had allowed me to be a mother; not once; but twice, and I am still in awe of the decision Joanie made, and we love her.

My heart has a special place for her filled with reverence, love, and respect.

Let me be perfectly clear, the phrase, "the day that I let go," does not imply that I think birth mothers should place a baby and then say goodbye forever. When David and I started the adoption journey, we were on the end of the spectrum of , "absolutely no contact, we want it closed." But, when we met Joanie, and we heard her story, and we recognized that this young woman had been guided by the Lord to make a selfless decision, we knew that her ability to "let go," just meant that she would be able to give him what he needed by placing him for adoption, and in turn, she would be able to go through a refiner's fire and be purified.

We Love you Joanie Girl.

I love this picture, because Joanie saw that Henry wasn't happy eating cake,
so she came and held a lollipop in his mouth. She stood and held it as long as it made him happy.

Joanie as part of our family.
My mom, Joanie, Henry, Me, Lincoln, David's mom, Grandma

Joanie, Henry, and me.

It's About Love.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I love you Arizona....

When we were an hour from Tucson, our 26 foot rental truck broke down and required three tows to be finished with it. We drove into a 100 degree day, and we moved into a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment. And you know what?


The morning after we got here, my girlfriend Car-Car brought us paper plates and cups, and made us breakfast. Since then, we have enjoyed pizza and swimming with our two families.

Today, we went to church in what I refer to as my home ward, even though my family has not lived here for 11 years. I knew almost every member of the ward, and it was a very warm welcome.

In front of us sat my voice teacher from my youth. She has a beautiful voice, and I hope that she will teach me the words to "I love you Arizona," so that the beautiful song will not be forgotten.

Behind us sat my very special friend, Cali who has not forgotten one member of my family.

The Swiss family, our lifetime friends, kindly invited us over for dinner,

I was most grateful today for Brother Baker, who is the nursery leader. To be honest, I was a little emotional to see a man who taught my brothers in young mens teaching my big boy, and I know that as Lincoln listens to him, he will grow up to be a righteous priesthood holder, just like my brothers.

Plus, Arizona gave us some treasures. For my 29th birthday, I went to the Salvation Army and got these:
(I don't usually have a love for furniture, but when I saw these, I fell in love with the style and the color.)

And of course: we have already taken advantage of this and this.

Once again we thank our Heavenly Father for the blessings He has so lovingly given to us. We feel His hand in our lives on a daily basis.

I am grateful for my husband for working so hard, and being so willing to have a new adventure. Sweetheart, thank you for bringing me to Arizona.
I know that you already know how much this means to me, and I can't wait for our upcoming adventures together.

Indeed, the best part of this new journey, is being on the adventure with my boys. I am head over heels for these boys.
I love them tons bit in the whole world.

Sunday, May 03, 2009


I giggled on our anniversary when my husband and I
were eating D'Leons and my husband said,
"I'm really going to miss this."
I was only giggling because we are moving to
Tucson, Arizona;
a short drive from the border
and the home of authentic Mexican food.

But, it got me thinking about our time here in
Nebraska, and the experiences we have had
to get us where we are today.

When I think about Nebraska:

I will remember our first home;
Our home is full of 3 years of deeply seeded memories.
Most of them are memories we will cherish forever;
some of them are memories we will take with us to help us remember the blessings that come from enduring.
Some of them are memories that make us laugh so hard, our bodies ache.
But, no matter the memory- one thing is for sure;
We have been taught over and over again that there is a
loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who have not forgotten us


reminds me of the screams that came as I jumped out of the bathroom and into my husband's arms, when I saw a mouse in our house.


is where I will remember Lincoln learning to crawl and learning to walk here on the
beautiful hard-wood floors.
This is the home where we made it through potty-training.
I will remember that this is the home in which he learned to pray.
and the home where he first said I love you.

will gently remind me of the struggle through infertility.
While this is a memory that sometimes brings fresh tears, I will remember the
healing that took place when our Joanie Girl,
let us love Henry.
I will remember our home here as the refuge we found as we took Henry
to be sealed to us.
This is the home where he first laughed, and where he took his first steps.

was the answer to the prayers I said
when I prayed to find a friend when we moved here.
After a few weeks of school,
we met the M/R Johnson Family
And three years later, we have met our dopplegangers.
They have ventured with us through late night studying, hundreds of cans of diet soda, pazooki,
waiting and praying for jobs, and finally

reminds me of the drives we took to visit David's family
and the time we shared together as we
watched the lightning bugs.
It reminded me to be grateful for the
the precious time I got to spend
with my own family.

is the home where I was a witness to the beauty of the earth.
The Spring here is the most glorious image to behold
and leaves no doubt
that this earth is the work of a Master of details.

is the home where my faith was stretched,
my family bonds were strengthened
and where my testimony was solidified.

This home has been a beautiful learning curve
and a much needed experience,

Fare you well Nebraska.

God Be With You, till we visit again.