I'M NOT A SHADE TREE....

Today is Monday, January 19, 2009.

As I thought about New Year's Resolutions for this year, I had decided that I wanted to be able to keep the goal(s) I set, instead of just making it to March.

I even considered not having a resolution. That would make the already chaotic 2009 more attainable. (in the upcoming months we have to sell our house, find David a job, finish my music for Brazil, and re-apply for adoption (The reapplication happens in April. SO, IF ANYONE KNOWS A BIRTH MOTHER LOOKING FOR TWO AWESOME PARENTS--LET THEM KNOW ABOUT US.).

I have been thinking really hard about what I can do this year to be a better me.

I would like to state here that I will not be making any goals that have to do with dieting. I actually like who I am. I am not a size 6 or 105 pounds, I like to eat "Blondies" from Applebees once in awhile, and I don't always walk three miles a day. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that they should be dieting all the time. And, I definitely don't want a negative self-image to be put on them because their mom was never happy with her own body image. So, let it be known. I like me.

As we were getting ready for church yesterday, we were listening to some of David's favorite church music, "The Garden," by Michael Mclean. I was trying to listen and understand the message, and then something amazing happened. The Lord sent and abundance of tender mercies, infiltrated with my 2009 New Year's Resolution.

I will not be A SHADE TREE.

Yes, I know. What the heck is a shade tree?

Now, before you read on keep in mind that I count myself EXTREMELY blessed to have the beautiful children and the most amazing husband the Lord has so lovingly given to me. I don't want that to go unsaid.

I love them more than my own life.

In the song, "What Good Will I ever Be," The old, barren olive tree sings a song that I have felt in my own life numerous times. She desperately says,

"The sun is setting, without regretting

another day has passed again and left me barren

Nothing is showing. No buds are growing,

my branches ache to hold the fruit I should be bearing.

Oh what good will I ever be?

This isn't living

If I'm not giving

What I was made to give when first I was planted

What curse forbade me?

I'M NOT A SHADE TREE

I wish to bear the fruit most gardens take for granted.

How else will I be known

If it's not by my fruits alone?"

Oh what good will I ever be?

Sometimes shade trees are really nice. Especially when they are shading us from the heat, exhaustion, and trials of our lives. But sometimes, we, I get to comfortable under the shade and accept that it will probably always be too hot or to exhausting to do anything but sit under the shade tree. Sometimes we invite those we love most to come and partake of the shade we are willing to share. We become their shade trees. We don't help each other realize that the greatest blessings come from our willingness to accept the Lord's will and become the people the Lord would have us become.

In my early twenties, I wanted to get married like all my friends. I was shaded by the fact that the Lord had a plan for me that was different than the plan I had for myself. When I accepted His will, and went out into the wild unknown, he blessed me with a strengthened faith. He regenerated my body. He first gave me David; the greatest blessing of my life. Then he blessed my bodyto be strong, healthy, and ready to become a mother. He gave me Lincoln; my first sweet boy. With the curse of infertility, I allowed the shade back in. But, as soon as I moved an inch and accepted that the Lord knew what he was doing, he blessed us with Joanie, and with sweet baby Henry.

I hope this year allows me to remember to be accepting of the Lord's will. I pray that my faith will be strengthened daily and that I can be accepting of the adventures the Lord has in store for my family. I am grateful for the Lord's gentleness and compassion in teaching me that:

I am not a shade tree