Grateful

I have never been one to understand
the people who say

how grateful they are for their trials.

Simply put,
I don't like trials.
I have found infertility to be
one of the hardest things I've ever faced,
and at one point,
it created the the darkest time of my life.
I felt like it sucked happiness out of me.
I cried.
I pleaded.
I tried fasting
(which was definitely a day, as diabetics don't do so hot fasting!!!)
But,
when Henry came to our family so quickly,
I promised the Lord that
I
would not forget His hand in my life.
I promised that I wouldn't allow myself to get to that dark spot again;
I wouldn't cry for days and days without asking for peace;
And, for the most part, I have done really well.

I have been reminded of the many blessings I have been given.
In the first six months of the year
we celebrate both of our beautiful sons birthdays,
as well as the day Henry was sealed to our family.

Still, I could not bring myself to say how grateful
I was
for
trials.

Until a few short months ago.

One of my sweet brothers and his wife
had a friend that
lost her baby to SIDS.
I have read of this beautiful young mother's
adventures since that tragic day.
And she is working hard;
really hard.
She is maintaining a happy home for her husband and her children.

I was not able to capture the hurt
and emptiness that happens
as result of losing a child.
Perhaps, her blog is not her place to mourn.

But, as I read
it only took a brief moment
for me to become grateful
for my trials;
my infertility.
Burying a child seems so far beyond my ability.

I pray for this young wife and mother,
that the Lord will heal her heart,
and that she will be buoyed up
during the rough spots.
And, I am grateful for the incredible teaching moment it provided me.
I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves us.
He knows us.
For this, I am so grateful.