Last week, after my hard couple days,
something hit me. What if Lincoln was
our only child on this earth? Now, I
know that this won't be the case, but
if it was, kudos to David and me for
making a perfect one the first go round!
He knows his colors, his letters, how to
get out of going to bed by saying, "snuggle,"
and he reads the scriptures with us, says
prayers, and tells us "I uv ooooo," numerous
times a day. So, until we get another one, we
feel so blessed with the one we have!
Some days are great. Some aren't as great. Today is one of the hard ones.
By saying that sometimes it feels like the world is passing my by, is in no way an attempt to receive pity. This is just the truth; my heart on my sleeve....where it always has been.
I was a good kid. I wasn't rebellious. I was very obedient. I always took great care of my body and my diabetes. I loved my brothers more than anything. I only ditched school twice: my mom called and excused me on the first one, and the other one I ditched to go home and clean the house so I could go out with my friends that night. I made sure my 6th period teacher knew I was leaving before I left. I got good grades. I got a scholarship to college. I served a mission. I finished a college degree. I met my best friend, and we got married in the temple. We have a brilliant and beautiful son. My life has been fun, and I have been more richly blessed than I ever could have imagined.
So, why at 27 years old does it feel like my greatest desire is impossible to come by? I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I didn't want to wait. I wanted my kids to be close in age so they could be great friends. I wanted them to go through life together.
However, the world has decided that, for some reason, I should not have this righteous desire right now. This is the first trial David and I have faced since we have been married, and it is definitely harder than anything I ever faced my entire life. I just wish I could understand.
I wish I knew what the Lord had in store. I wish I could blame it on patience and say that patience is hard for me to come by, however, I waited 24 years to find my Sweetheart, and if that isn't patience in the Mormon World (haha) what is? I wish I could blame it on weak faith, but somehow I have rooted in me the belief that the Lord will take care of us, and we will not miss out on any blessings. Maybe I could blame it on my parents...hmmm....no they got pregnant when they looked at each other. I have nothing to blame, and that's what makes it hard. There is no reason for this.
Well, tomorrow will be a better day. Today is just one of the hard ones!
