Some days are great. Some aren't as great. Today is one of the hard ones.
By saying that sometimes it feels like the world is passing my by, is in no way an attempt to receive pity. This is just the truth; my heart on my sleeve....where it always has been.
I was a good kid. I wasn't rebellious. I was very obedient. I always took great care of my body and my diabetes. I loved my brothers more than anything. I only ditched school twice: my mom called and excused me on the first one, and the other one I ditched to go home and clean the house so I could go out with my friends that night. I made sure my 6th period teacher knew I was leaving before I left. I got good grades. I got a scholarship to college. I served a mission. I finished a college degree. I met my best friend, and we got married in the temple. We have a brilliant and beautiful son. My life has been fun, and I have been more richly blessed than I ever could have imagined.
So, why at 27 years old does it feel like my greatest desire is impossible to come by? I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I didn't want to wait. I wanted my kids to be close in age so they could be great friends. I wanted them to go through life together.
However, the world has decided that, for some reason, I should not have this righteous desire right now. This is the first trial David and I have faced since we have been married, and it is definitely harder than anything I ever faced my entire life. I just wish I could understand.
I wish I knew what the Lord had in store. I wish I could blame it on patience and say that patience is hard for me to come by, however, I waited 24 years to find my Sweetheart, and if that isn't patience in the Mormon World (haha) what is? I wish I could blame it on weak faith, but somehow I have rooted in me the belief that the Lord will take care of us, and we will not miss out on any blessings. Maybe I could blame it on my parents...hmmm....no they got pregnant when they looked at each other. I have nothing to blame, and that's what makes it hard. There is no reason for this.
Well, tomorrow will be a better day. Today is just one of the hard ones!
Our Amazing Daughter
9 years ago
6 comments:
I'm so sorry that you are haveing such a hard time and I know that things will all work out for the best. We love you a lot and ope the best for you and your family. just remember what it says in D&C 24:8 "Be patient in your afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." You are in our prayers and just keep trusting in the Lord.
Walter & Veronica
Wish I could say something to make it feel better. :) "Love you" will have to suffice.
Other than this, how are you doing?
I love you girl. Just remember that God is not punishing you, He is just calling you to do something different from what you thought. It's hard, I know, I struggle everyday wondering where my family is. I've done everything He asked and all I've ever wanted is to be a mom and I'm starting to wonder if I'll even ever get married. It's really hard when our righteous desires aren't granted. It's no fault of ours, He just has something else in store. Hang in there honey.
I don't mean to intrude, I just clicked on you from Kara's site (I'm an old friend of hers). My husband and I have felt similar feelings. We now have two of the greatest little (adopted) boys. We had a good experience both times. I wish you luck. It's not the way we imagined starting a family but it has turned out to be such a blessing and faith building experience for both of us. Hang in there, it gets better I promise.
First off, I'm glad you still look at my blog, and second you're baby is so big!
And third, I've been there. We had a hard time getting Ellie and I still worry every day that we are somehow not going to get to keep her or something. So I feel for you and hope that things start turning better.
I was just thinking of you. How are you? I need your email address so I can just email you. :)
Love you.
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