My oldest son is getting ready to start kindergarten. By getting ready, I mean in August. I have watched him grow, and have been with him every step of the way. This will be the first time that I turn the control over to someone else for entire days, filling most of his weeks. This is only the beginning.
This is really hard for me.
I cry.
(A lot.)
I have thought a lot about why this is? Why is this so hard? Why so many tears? Why the panic?
I'm not ready for the world to have such a big impact on my son. I'm not ready for all the hurt feelings of getting left out. I'm not ready for bullying and for kids making fun.
Mostly though, I wonder if I have taught him everything he needs to know before he goes. (I realize this sounds like he is leaving forever.)
I love this little boy, and I am not ready for him to grow up (at this point I know my mom is reading and she is crying with me because she knows this is hard for me, but she is also laughing because of how much we teased her during Sunday Sacrament Meeting meltdowns over her 14,13,11, and 9 year old kids who would be leaving the house in 4,5,7, and 9 years!)
Lincoln promises that he will always snuggle me, but I realize this won't be true forever. As he grows, he will get too tall to sit on my lap. Yes, I understand this is healthy and quite normal but today I love those snuggles and hugs where we decide afterward who is the bear.
On the positive, I look forward to PTA meetings, and being a class mom. I look forward to making treats, and accompanying class field trips.I look forward to spelling bees or baseball games; whatever he chooses to do. I look forward to watching him excel and take on challenges. And even though it seems far away, I'm sure blowing the air horn at his high school graduation will be an incredible moment in life.
Today we were dancing in our living room, and this Rodney Atkins song came on the radio. We danced and tears were in my eyes because I realize that we have done our best. WE have taught Lincoln how to be kind, sharing, compassionate, loving, and respectful. We haven't been perfect but hopefully we have been enough.
Enough growing up for one day!!!
Right now I have a future five year old to love, another future five
year old to get dressed, and a third future five year old who needs
a bottle
We love you Lincoln Daniel! Tons Bit
4 comments:
You are a great Mom. If anyone has taught their kids enough it is you and David. You are AMAZING!!!
That doesn't change the fact that it is hard to let them go. They go and grow up way too fast on us.
I love the pictures of the boys! They are growing up so fast and I know that you are doing an incredible job with them.
Don't worry, I freaked out after Jack was born when I realized I have to one day send him on a mission.
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