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Friday, March 23, 2012

Be Real

Yesterday was filled with many emotions.

But, I should probably back up.

 A few months ago, a dear friend came to me with news of a possibility to adopt. Of course, my heart grew really big with just the idea of another sweet baby; and a boy! We adore little boys around here! We felt as if the heavens had parted and handed us this little miracle-to-be. Birthmom's due date isApril 13th, but has delivered all her other babies 2 weeks early, so more likely March 30th. We have kept in contact with her, and she has been solid about placing this baby. Until yesterday.

I chatted with her via facebook, and she has decided to parent the baby. We truly hope the best for her. We hope that she gets the help and guidance she needs as she starts this new adventure.

And yes, at the same time, we are sad; but not hopeless. In fact it is exactly opposite. We have been filled with so much love and peace from Heavenly Father. I call this the "hard peace," because we don't know to which aspect of this situation it applies; will she change her mind last minute or will we be taken care of if she truly chooses to parent.

So yesterday, there were tears. Tears of sorrow and grief for what might have been. And then there was peace. I went to a meeting last night where I was instructed on how to be a better leader  The speaker, President Porter, asked us a hard question. He said,

"Are we real enough with those we teach (in this case groups of young women 12-18)?"
Then he answered
"I don't think we are."
He taught that trials and afflictions come for two reasons; because of our choices and just because they come. We don't get to tell people that everything will be easy, and simple, and it will all work out according to plans because that isn't the case. Instead, we are to teach that we make covenants; promises with our Heavenly Father and He remembers them. Instead of promising things we hope will come to pass, we are to teach things that are true.

I was filled to the brim with love and joy. My heart aches today, but I know that Heavenly Father has promised me great blessings if I am obedient. I trust in Him. I love Him. I am grateful for the tender mercies He has shown me each day of my life.

I have been blessed with a best friend who stands as a pillar of strength for our family.
I have a valiant 6 year old who loves to read and play.
I have an energetic almost 4 year old, who healed my heart on the day he was born.
I have a 1 year old who brings more joy than I ever could have imagined.

I know that “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”
Jeffrey R. Holland

3 comments:

Brittany said...

I needed to read this, thanks so much-B

Leah Vanessa said...

Brandi, you are such an inspiration to me. I'm so sorry that your heart is hurting. Thank you for sharing both your struggles and your faith. I so understand the "hard peace." I will pray for your family!

Adam & Ady said...

Brandi, I am so sorry. :( You seriously are one of the strongest women I know. Miss you, love you.

And I am so blown away about how open you are with your adoptions. Love that you met and have pictures of Anthony too. You are so strong!!!