HANGing IN THERE

Yesterday started out as a bad day. I went to play group where everyone was talking about baby names, who was pregnant, who was surprised they were pregnant, and anything else I can add about people being pregnant that made me start digging a dark, quiet place to hide and cry. I realized that I didn't hate them for having what I wanted, I just wanted it too. I was the last to leave and I was bawling in the church parking lot. I couldn't drive because the tears didn't stop. When I got home, I proceeded to cry the entire rest of the day. So, I didn't make dinner. I had my husband get some yummy food from somewhere where I didn't have to prepare it or clean it up. I asked for advice from others who have been where I am.

I was so glad that the first words of encouragement were not to remember that I was a child of God. (This is not something I have forgotten during this period of longing.)

The words that came brought strength and validation. They were:

LET THE TEARS COME!

Eat good food
Give into hope
Exercise
Write
Get educated about adoption:

and the hardest one............

HANG IN THERE. Man, I wish I was good at that. Why has this been the haunting flaw of my existence. I am not patient. Doesn't the Lord just want to accept that? HaHa. I say that laughing as I write it--tongue in cheek--because I know He doesn't want me to accept that.

so, today, I am just hanging in there. and i am doing the best i can at it.

Oh, Birthmother, I know you are there. Please. Hurry. Hanging in there can be done, but sometimes it starts to make the body ache. It takes its toll. But, when you are ready, we will just be hanging in there, hoping, waiting, praying.

We'll Miss You, President Hinckley

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration; most jobs are more dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time railway journey… delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.” (Jenkins Lloyd Jones -Big Rock Candy Mountains,” Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4).

~A Conversation with Single Adults
By President Gordon B. Hinckley
From an address delivered on 22 September 1996 at the Salt Lake Tabernacle.
Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Conversation with Single Adults,” Ensign, Mar. 1997, 58

Dear Birthmother....

Hello? Are you there? Of course you are there. You are probably wondering why I have been looking for you. I'm so glad you have courage enough to listen; to think about the choice you have to make. David and I pray daily that you can find the strength to make it through this. You will. The sacrifice might seem too big to face right now, but you'll pull through. You are wonderful. You are good. Yes, you are sad, but even that will pass. I can't even imagine the thoughts you've had, the struggles you've been through, and the road ahead. But, I know peace awaits.
There are many waiting to help you make it through. Let's see. Well, first there is the Lord. He understands. He can heal broken hearts. He can heal you. Next, there are the wonderful people at LDS Family Service. They really are wonderful, and they can offer guidance and direction.

Then of course, we are here. Right. Here. Nebraska. Ask for David or Brandi Johnson. You might get lucky and Lincoln will answer the phone. He will tell you about cars, trucks, and trains. He will tell you he wants a baby. Then he'll say he loves you.
We love you.
We pray for you.

Talk to you soon.

Brandi, David, and Lincoln

Tag, I'm it!

My friend Shauni tagged me. That means I have to write 10 random facts, habits, interesting and unknown pieces of knowledge about myself. Then, I am supposed to tag 10 other people. I probably won't do that, but if anybody wants to write about themselves, consider yourself tagged.

10) I love chocolate milk. In the dead of winter, I would rather have a glass of chocolate milk than a glass of hot chocolate.

9) Our son in very bright. He is only one and he can count to ten, speak in complete sentences, say his ABC's with their sounds, use ASL to communicate, and give hugs and kisses. He's brilliant!

8) I have successfully painted 5 rooms in our house. I don’t even really like to paint, but I love the idea of selling our house in better condition than we bought it. For this same reason, we have added new counter tops, bathroom cabinets, a dishwasher, a new wall, and soon a fixed basement.

7) I love to make lists. If going on a trip, I start my list at last a week early. I rarely forget anything. My husband laughs when he says,” you know what we forgot,” and after he tells me, I tell him it is already on my list.

6) I don’t like to drive. My parents made me get my driver’s license at 17 ½ because they needed someone to pick up the younger boys. I failed my first driver’s test because I didn’t stop at a stop sign, didn’t use my blinker, and a few other such things. My dad took me the very next day to try again. I passed with flying colors. However, I still don’t like driving, but if I have to drive, I prefer school zones where you have to go slower than my dead grandma.

5) I have always known a lot of people, but I have always only had one best girlfriend at a time. In 7th grade it was Jen Armstrong. In high school, it was Carlie Bertoglio. In college it was Wendy Keller. In Nebraska, it is Mandy Johnson. Now, the exception to this s of course my mom. She has always been my best friend. I still have very good friendships with all of these friends.

4) I’m thankful Law school is only three years instead of four.

3) My Husband is my best friend. I would rather be with him than do anything else. He is the biggest blessing of my life. I love him.

2) I wanted to have 6 kids in 6 years. I wanted to have 5 sons and a daughter. I

1) WE ARE APPROVED TO ADOPT. THIS MEANS BIRTHMOTHERS CAN CHOOSE US FOR THEIR BABIES. IT IS A WONDERFUL, EMOTIONAL, PATIENCE-INDUCING PROCESS.

It's About Love; davidandbrandi

Our adoption profile has been made live. That means any birthmother can choose us for her baby. If you would like to see our profile, go to:

1) itsaboutlove.org
2) Search adoption profiles
3) davidandbrandi

Now is the hard part...waiting...and waiting...and hoping...and praying...and waiting some more...

Thank you for your prayers in our behalf. We feel the love of the Lord as we wait.