Yesterday started out as a bad day. I went to play group where everyone was talking about baby names, who was pregnant, who was surprised they were pregnant, and anything else I can add about people being pregnant that made me start digging a dark, quiet place to hide and cry. I realized that I didn't hate them for having what I wanted, I just wanted it too. I was the last to leave and I was bawling in the church parking lot. I couldn't drive because the tears didn't stop. When I got home, I proceeded to cry the entire rest of the day. So, I didn't make dinner. I had my husband get some yummy food from somewhere where I didn't have to prepare it or clean it up. I asked for advice from others who have been where I am.
I was so glad that the first words of encouragement were not to remember that I was a child of God. (This is not something I have forgotten during this period of longing.)
The words that came brought strength and validation. They were:
LET THE TEARS COME!
Eat good food
Give into hope
Exercise
Write
Get educated about adoption:
and the hardest one............
HANG IN THERE. Man, I wish I was good at that. Why has this been the haunting flaw of my existence. I am not patient. Doesn't the Lord just want to accept that? HaHa. I say that laughing as I write it--tongue in cheek--because I know He doesn't want me to accept that.
so, today, I am just hanging in there. and i am doing the best i can at it.
Oh, Birthmother, I know you are there. Please. Hurry. Hanging in there can be done, but sometimes it starts to make the body ache. It takes its toll. But, when you are ready, we will just be hanging in there, hoping, waiting, praying.
Our Amazing Daughter
9 years ago
8 comments:
Ok, I want to comment so bad because oh how I know this feeling. I just feel like I would write an editoral. Would u mind if I emailed you. carlyblasco@hotmail.com. Thanks. Hope you are ok today. )))squeeze(((
Isn't life interesting!? I am with you on the patience. I have never been patient. When I feel I have a righteous desire, I think, then why not just give it to me. It's right isn't it. You are always welcome to cry on my shoulder!!
Brandi-- I came across your blog and I had to say Hi! I'm Adrian (Farr) Sanders from Bear Canyon Ward. I'm actually the same age as your little bro Jeremy. I don't know if know but you served in the same mission as my husband Dustin. I remember when my parents got your wedding annoucement and Dustin was like "hey I know her!" Anyway small world! Your little Lincoln is a cutie! Sorry to see that you are having other struggles. I would love to catch up with you. I actually just made my blog private, but would love for you to take a look. If you're interested, email me at adrianabanana7@yahoo.com and I'll send you an invite. Hope you have a great day!
Brandi...you put our blog to shame. It is so cute! And Lincoln is just darling! We love you guys!!
I just emailed you an invite! It's so fun to catch up with you! We got married a few months after you in Oct 2004. Time flies when you're having fun! So are all of your siblings married now? Where does all of your family live these days?
what great advice.
(wink. wink. wink.)
Hey, it's Amber (Wilkes)! I found your blog through Carly. It took us almost 4 years to have our little girl, and would love to talk to you about your situation. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles, and my heart truly aches for you. I would love to talk! Email me franklinmrs01@yahoo.com. I see I'm not the only one who's looking to get caught up with you!!!
OH, my dear, Brandi. I had no idea, especially with little Lincoln being born and all. I have no words of wisdom, but only gratitude for your honest thoughts and faith and patience. I know you and Dave will have your 10 children!!!! And you have the heart to offer so much love for each and everyone of them.
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