Lincoln and Henry

I have laughed so much at the things Lincoln has said lately. I've especially enjoyed the sincerity he has in his prayers. As a Mama, it fills me with such great joy to be here each day as my boys learn and grow.

Here are a few of the precious moments I have enjoyed with Lincoln lately:

As of late he will start by asking for something, usually a snack, and then say, "If you say yes, I will be your friend." Well today he said, "Can I play the Wii? If you say yes I will stay little forever and snuggle you." How can you resist that?

Yesterday he asked for Diet Coke and asked me, "Is this Caffeine Free? or Caffeine full." This came as a shock because usually he tells me he likes caffeine three.

At rest time today, I went to lie down next to Lincoln. He was on my side of the bed, and I said jokingly, "Oh Lincoln! You took my side of the bed."

He said, " I'm a taker all right!" Then he told me Daddy taught him that!

When we put Henry down for a nap, Henry protested with 5 minutes of screaming. Lincoln said a prayer to help his brother. He said, "Dear Heavenly Father, Henry is really mad at Mama...In the name," I giggled and whispered, "please help him..." and he finished," Please help him to sleep."

Yesterday I was showing him cute pics of my darling Sister in law Rebecca. She is pregnant and has the cutest little belly you've ever seen. I said, "Lincoln, there is a baby right there," as I pointed to her tummy. He said, I wish we had a baby at our house. It is taking a loooonnnnggg time."

I told him we could pray and ask Heavenly Father for a baby. So he started,
"Dear Heavenly Father. Please send us a sister. Uuuuhhhh! It is taking a looooonnnggg time." Then he finished his prayer.

Last, but not least, our friends gave us a picture of Samuel the Lamanite, and Lincoln told me that Samuel was ugly. Later that night he said, "Mama, I'm sorry I said Samuel was ugly."

I've enjoyed watching Lincoln grow. He is such a good boy. We love him so much and I am so grateful he came to our family, allowing me all the joys that come with being his Mama.

Henry has become quite the talker. He went through three months of speech therapy at the end of last year because he had fluid in his ears, and his pediatrician at the time refused to put tubes in.
Now, the fluid is cleared out and he has wasted no time learning some very important words.

"Henry, would you like something to eat?"
"No."
"Do you want a drink?"
"No."
"Do you want a banana?"
"Nope! I don't want it!"

He loves going in the water and he said to his swim coach, "Soul Brother!" SHE thought it was really funny!

Henry has also started asking for his turn at scripture time and prayer time. He can sing most of the words to "I love to see the temple," and when you help him with the prayer, he is so tender with his words.

He loves Dr. Seuss' book "One Fish, two fish." He flips through the pages and says, "Oh looky, a hat. Oh looky a sad fish. Happy fish." And often when he hears the word happy, he breaks out into the "Wow Wow Wubbzy," song Happy, be happy, happy happy happy......"

Henry has been a delight. We look forward to seeing his birth mother next week. Not a day goes by that we don't think of her and love her. We are so grateful she allowed us the opportunity to raise such a handsome and wonderful little boy. He has been a joy. I have enjoyed every moment of being his Mama.

I love you boys. Tons Bit in the Whole World.

Quietsoldseparately.blogspot.com

I am a writer for a new blog.

quietsoldseparately.blogspot.com

One of my girlfriends from Nebraska
(our husbands went to Law School together)
started a blog by moms, for moms.
She invited be to be a contributor.

I am Tuesdays author.
My day is called
"Tuesdays in Tucson"

If you have questions, you can write a comment on the page, or of course email.

Hope to see you all there.

Brandi

Disneyland!

I haven't been to Disneyland since I was 18.
Our Memorial Day Trip was a special one.
It was David's first time to Disneyland,
and we both got to watch the magic unfold in the eyes of our children.
To see their face light up at the colors, the treats, the characters, and the never-ending fun was magical.
Having my parents there was amazing.
I don't know how we would have made it without Mookie and Papa
walking Henry around while we waited in lines.
Thanks for coming Mom and Dad.

Me and my mom!

Pre-Disney fun at the hotel.

My mom made pirate costumes for her mateys.

Of course they had to "aarrrrgh!"

Henry LAUGHED hysterically on the teacups. I think they tickled his tummy!

We've had many of these in the last four years!

The last day at Disneyland!

Me and David got to go on the Tower of Terror, which
he loved. I'm more of a Space Mountain kind of girl!

Me and my parents on the last day.

Waiting for Daddy and Papa!
the blank stare is that of two very tired boys!

The next morning when we were talking about Peter Pan, Lincoln said,
"We didn't go on Peter Pan." (He fell asleep)

We waited for 45 minutes int he submarine ride, and met some nice little girls.
Lincoln tried to impress them with this very cute trick of pulling his eyelids down.
She was very impressed. I just hope he still does this when he is 16.

Mookie and Papa

Woody spent almost the entire parade focusing on
Lincoln.
He felt really special, and was mesmerized by this life-size character. He kept asking,
"Is that the real one?"

Watching Henry as he met each character was magical.
He smiled so big each time, and it was endearing to see the overwhelming joy of a two year old.

We went on Buzz light year more than any other ride.
I don't know why.
It was really fun, and I think my Dad holds the all-time high record on the planet.

Papa, David, and Lincoln

We can't wait for many more trips to Disneyland!

Grateful

I have never been one to understand
the people who say

how grateful they are for their trials.

Simply put,
I don't like trials.
I have found infertility to be
one of the hardest things I've ever faced,
and at one point,
it created the the darkest time of my life.
I felt like it sucked happiness out of me.
I cried.
I pleaded.
I tried fasting
(which was definitely a day, as diabetics don't do so hot fasting!!!)
But,
when Henry came to our family so quickly,
I promised the Lord that
I
would not forget His hand in my life.
I promised that I wouldn't allow myself to get to that dark spot again;
I wouldn't cry for days and days without asking for peace;
And, for the most part, I have done really well.

I have been reminded of the many blessings I have been given.
In the first six months of the year
we celebrate both of our beautiful sons birthdays,
as well as the day Henry was sealed to our family.

Still, I could not bring myself to say how grateful
I was
for
trials.

Until a few short months ago.

One of my sweet brothers and his wife
had a friend that
lost her baby to SIDS.
I have read of this beautiful young mother's
adventures since that tragic day.
And she is working hard;
really hard.
She is maintaining a happy home for her husband and her children.

I was not able to capture the hurt
and emptiness that happens
as result of losing a child.
Perhaps, her blog is not her place to mourn.

But, as I read
it only took a brief moment
for me to become grateful
for my trials;
my infertility.
Burying a child seems so far beyond my ability.

I pray for this young wife and mother,
that the Lord will heal her heart,
and that she will be buoyed up
during the rough spots.
And, I am grateful for the incredible teaching moment it provided me.
I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves us.
He knows us.
For this, I am so grateful.

On Turning 30

I turn 30 next Saturday.

I am excited for this new decade of my life.
I remember when my mom was 30.
I was 8.
While my getting married and starting a family came later
I am grateful for all the lessons I have learned
before 30.
And, I look forward to the many lessons that I will learn starting
at 30;
among those I hope patience isn't still one of them. hahaha!

For my birthday, David took me to see
Carrie Underwood.
During the concert, I was overwhelmed with peace numerous times
and I wanted to share my Saturday night with you.

Number one:
When I was a missionary for
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
I remember a daily protection from the Lord, as I
served on His errand.
On Saturday night, my middle school principle sat in front of us.
She didn't really remember me, but she knew I was Mormon
She told me how sorry she was that
"you don't believe that Jesus is the Son of God."
I felt the same protection enter my heart, that I felt daily, 9 years ago as a missionary.
As I testified of our deep belief in the Savior of the World,
I felt an overwhelming peace that kept me safe.
She didn't believe me, but I knew the things I testified of were true.

Number two:
I love when singer/songwriters give credit to the Lord for where they are in life.
Carrie Underwood sang,"Jesus Take the Wheel/How Great Thou Art,"
(Click on it to listen to it.)
Once again, the things I knew to be true, namely:
I Believe in God, the Eternal Father,
and in His Son Jesus Christ,
and in the Holy Ghost,
entered my heart with such direct conviction.
I was filled with gratitude for where I am.
When I was growing up, I wanted the life that Carrie Underwood now enjoys.
I wanted to sing on a stage for thousands of people,
and I wanted to be famous for it.
I wanted to be adored by all my fans, and listened to on the radio.
When I listened to the concert last night,
I was reminded of my Sweetheart, and the two beautiful boys we have been blessed with.
I was reminded that I get to sing lullabies to my babies,
that my voice is heard in our home,
and that my husband and children know I love them, and they love me.

Number three:
Finally, I waited the entire time for one song;
"So Small"
(click on it to hear it)
I have put this song on my blog before.
I have listened to it over and over.
During the dark time of my infertility,
this song seemed to show up.
In January 2008, when I sobbed and told the Lord
that I felt as if I was being swallowed by the monster that is infertility,
this song showed up.
The moment, literally, Joanie made her decision to place Henry instead of taking him home,
this song started playing in the restaurant.
When my babysitter's mom called on Saturday night,
this song was playing.
I feel deeply connected to this song because it teaches
and re-teaches me about what it means
to endure well.


So far, 30 looks pretty good!

unbiased birthday

Sometimes I hear parents comment ,

'I might be biased but,
I think my son/daughter is the cutest in the whole world.'

Beautiful Henry, 3 days old.

Beautiful sleeper.

One of my favorite pictures. Henry looking at his Birth Mom. Almost one.

Valentines day 2009. Sealing at the Winter Quarters Temple


Definitely not biased.
Model baby in New Mexico.

Rocky Point Aug 2009

The Magic of seeing Santa Claus. December 2009

Ever seen a happier child?

Henry running at the San Diego Temple. Almost two.

Turns out,
I'm not biased.

Happy Birthday, Henry Louis
We love you tons bit in the whole world.

And, of course, my heart is filled with overwhelming gratitude for our Joanie Girl.
Our life with Henry would not have been possible without her sacrifice.
Joanie is almost ready to graduate from college.
She is engaged to a wonderful man.
She is beautiful.
She is brave.
We love you tons bit Joanie Girl
which, of course,
is the most at our house.

Our First Attempt at an Adoption Fundraiser:

Come support Our Adoption Fundraiser!!!

Indian Fry Bread / Navajo Taco Dinner

April 23, 2010

5:00-7:00 p.m.

9355 E. Wrightstown Rd.

$6.00/Adult, $3.00/Child

Standing firm

Abraham Lincoln once said,
"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. "

Recently, I was informed that one of the most
influential men in my life
moved with his wonderful wife,
to Arizona.

He was my mission President,
(I served as a missionary for 18 months,
for the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
and he was the leader charged with
the responsibility for me and 165 other missionaries)
Now, he and his wife are selflessly
serving as missionaries again.

By observing him,
I witnessed a beautiful marriage relationship,
I saw the blessings that come from bearing a solemn testimony of the Savior,
and I was a recipient of unconditional love.

From President and Sister White,
I learned what it meant to put my feet in the right place
and stand firm.

Through their stewardship,
I was able to be molded, and refined.

I count my mission as one of the most necessary
experiences of my life; a time
where I grew up and learned
in greater abundance who
Heavenly Father wanted me to be.

I am certain that I needed to serve a mission
in order to learn how to listen,
to learn how to endure,
to struggle and
realize the need I had to
stop relying on my own strength, and instead
to rely on an
infinite, eternal, and loving Father in Heaven

I love The Whites,
and today I am so grateful for the
eternal part they have played in helping me
on this awesome journey.

A hand out...

Dear Blogging world,

As you can see in BRIGHT RED to the right,
there is a Chip-In Widget to help us earn money for adoption.

I am not one to ask for a hand out,
without being willing to do whatever we can to help ourselves.

Here in Arizona, we are going to have a navajo taco/fry bread dinner
to earn money,
(time and place coming soon)
but for those of you in in other places,
we know you can't make it for the Spaghetti Dinner.

We don't expect this from anybody.
But, hopefully after a few letters to Warren Buffet and Donald Trump,
we will be where we need to be.

Joking aside, if you want to help, GREAT!
If you can't, we LOVE you anyways.

Sincerely,

The Johnsons.

Tax Return,

Dear First Home We Ever Owned,

Today, we pay you off,
but, we want to
thank you for providing us such a wonderful life for three years.
Thank you for protecting us from the snow.
And even though you had a crazy sloped driveway,
and lots of mice, (lots and lots)
you were so good to us.
You celebrated so much with us.
Things like:
Lincoln turning two and three.
Being a safe place to bring home Henry, and celebrating his first birthday.
A rigorous law school extravaganza,
and a handsome attorney at the end of it all.
Our very own igloo.
You shared in some of our closest friendships,
and you were there for so many tears.
You heard uncontrollable laughter,
and you stood strong (mostly) when potty training took place.
You gave us opportunities to serve.
You allowed changes so willingly
(like a new dishwasher, lots of paint, abd new drywall)
You allowed us to struggle,
but you also rejoiced when we endured the struggle and saw the light at the
end of many tunnels.

Thank you for offering us such a great life for three years.

Love,
The Johnsons

Dearth

I have been in a blogging
"dearth"
as my husband calls it.

Why?

Two little boys
who love to go to the zoo, run on the farm, jump on the trampoline, play in the goat pen, teach me how to play freeze tag, have pre-shcool time, watch movies, pour juice
plus
one extra that I watch
so that we can finish saving money for our adoption adventure!
nine piano students
who bring beautiful music; even if it is "This Old Man," over and over.
keeping house
which, by the way, is my dream come true.
I truly love cleaning the bathrooms,washing the laundry, cooking dinner, and
anything else that reminds me of the incredible roles I have as wife and mother.
Among my favorite activities are Family Night, and putting the boys to bed.
coaching my 4 year old's soccer team
haha! you'd think with 3 incredible soccer-playing brothers I would know what to do. So far we have decided on being the Lions, and we can successfully kick the soccer ball.
helping Henry learn 20 new words
through the speech therapy, he has really progressed, but our summer goal is 20 words.
starting some fertility
My body hasn't worked with previous fertility treatments, but I just want to be able to stand before my Heavenly Father someday and let Him know I did everything I could do.
weight watchers:
I have made it to minus 29.8 pounds since October 2009. I am almost at my wedding weight, and I have about 15 pounds more to go.

That's it.
anyways,
my creative brain
is on its way back.

"afar off"

Have you ever read
THIS
talk?

It is by Sister Anne C. Pingree.
During our companionship scripture study last night,
we read this talk,
and we were filled with the Spirit.

She tells of two Nigerian Sisters who walked
18 miles to renew their faith;
to promise the Lord that,
they would be strong
brave,
and courageous.

As David and I prepare to jump on the adoption train again,
I have to remind myself, that
having complete faith in the Lord,
and His plan,
and His timing,
is
what will
guide me through each day.

I believe in adoption.
I pray for successful adoptions to take place,
and I plead with the Lord to bless our family.
I believe that my divine roles are to be a wife and a mother.
I cherish these roles every day.
But, the test of faith
is allowing the Lord to work
His timetable in my life
(even when I think my chain of events for my life looks good already!)

Sister Pingree says:

"Each day our righteous living can demonstrate a faith in Jesus Christ that sees beyond mortal heartaches, disappointments, and unfulfilled promises. It is a glorious thing to possess a faith that enables us to look forward to that day “when all that was promised the Saints will be given"

I know that the waiting game sometime feels
disappointing,
heart-breaking,
and sometimes you start to wonder if the promise will remain unfulfilled.
I've felt that before.

I remember getting to the point
where I had pleaded, prayed, fasted, visited the temple,
and finally realized
it was
ALL
in the Lord's hands.

She continues:

Sometimes those blessings in our lives
that we have yet to receive
lie beyond the scope of mortal eyes.
I testify that it is always faith
that allows us to see
“afar off” with spiritual vision
all that God intends for His children.

Oh how I wish that adoption, and life in general, came with
the ability to see beyond the scope of mortal eyes.
Just once
to look and see
how long we would need to wait,
plead,
pray,
and wonder.

She adds what really penetrated my heart:

Faith is the most personal reflection of adoration for
—and devotion to—
our Heavenly Father and
His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ.
Anchored by this first and all-important principle
of the gospel, we look to our Savior,
knowing “Jesus [is] the author and finisher of our faith."

"Faith, the spiritual ability to be
persuaded of promises
that are seen “afar off”
but that may not be attained in this life,
is a sure measure of those who truly believe."

It is my quest to be a Believer;

I love my Heavenly Father. And I love the Savior.
I feel deeply grateful for the
Lord's hand that has been so freely offered in my life.

I remember holding Lincoln the first time,
and being overcome with pure joy;
a joy that was given by
the Lord who allowed me to become a mother;
a joy that is still so easily found in his smile and his I Love You.
That first moment will forever be etched in my heart.

I remember the first moment I held Henry.
Not yet legally mine, but still a perfect baby boy,
I remember tears freely falling, and being
overwhelmed with a peace that I have never forgotten.
a peace sent so abundantly from on high;
a peace that sent the assurance that
the Lord
knew me;
a joy that is still felt daily in his laughter
and his kisses.

I know that
HE
knows
my eternal family.

it is my quest to remain a believer
and it makes this new adoption journey a little easier
with the understanding that the
Author and Finisher of my faith,
the Creator of worlds,
and
the Architect of the universe,

knows me.
He knows my name.

San Diego

Lincoln turned 4 on Monday.
I don't know why it is so hard for me
that my babies grow up.
I look forward to the independent,
strong,
brave,
valiant young boys we are raising
to grow up
and be just those things.
But, it is still hard that they grow up.
I love all the snuggles,
and as much as my sweet 4 year old
promises we will always be on the same team
and he will always give me hugs and kisses
and he won't ever stop snuggling me,
I know that someday that might not be the case.
So, I have turned in to me mom, and I cry
that my kids are eventually going to be 18 and move out of the house.

For Lincoln's birthday, I found $25 airplane tickets.
So, we went to San Diego.
And, my parents met us there to celebrate.
We had an amazing time,
and I have decided that vacations to California
are a necessity.
I'm serious.
Our family at the San Diego temple.

Mookie and the boys.

Mookie, Papa, Lincoln, and the starfish.

Henry listening to Papa read
"Five Little Monkeys."

Linc, Mookie, and Papa

I love this picture, because this is what my life is made of.

The man who gave him his dimple.
Love you Papa.

Trying to get a family pic.

Mookie encouraging jumping in puddles.
Henry loved it.

Our navigator, who only wanted to see the tigers.
We walked about 50 thousand miles,
and there was ONE tiger.

Henry running around the San Diego Temple.

Me and My Mom.
(Why people can't accept that I'm adopted is beyond me...hahaha just kidding!)

Henry, Papa, Mookie, and Spunky.
(notice Henry smiles in the pictures where he is on the go, and
he is not quite as thrilled when being contained!)

Lincoln, Papa. Mookie, and Buzz

Happy Birthday Linc.
We love you Good Boy.

in Heavenly Peace

Silent night...

Holy night...

All is calm...


YEAH RIGHT.

On Friday, Henry started sleeping in a bed. For those of you who know Henry's sleeping habits, you'll know how monumental this was.

Henry ONLY sleeps in his crib. EVER. No naps on the couch, or curled up in someone's arms. Even pack-n-plays are miserable for Henry; he always puts up a really good fight before giving in to one of those.

So Friday night was a long night. And last night was even longer (Brandi doesn't remember it that way). Last night, I went in and lay by his side for half an hour. I got a good nap in, but when I finally woke back up, Henry was still wide awake right next to me.

Don't get me wrong; once he falls asleep, he actually does very well. He still sleeps in until well past 8 o'clock (one of the reasons we love him so much :D).

Tonight we after some cuddling and stories, we left Henry and Lincoln in the same bed. As Brandi was shutting the door on our two still-very-awake children, she whispered to Lincoln, "sing Henry some songs..."

She closed the door and we listened as Lincoln sang "I am a child of God" to his little brother. He finished singing, and that was the last noise we heard from their room.

For an hour.

So we went back in and this is what we found:



It was one of those experiences and sights that just melts a Daddy's heart. I love you, my angel babies.



P.S. You can't see it really well in the picture above, but YES, Henry got a haircut (boo haircuts!) Here's a better pic:

how long has it been?

Have you heard this masterpiece?
It's one of my favorites.
When I was in high school,
I begged my choir teacher to let me be an alto.
He put me as a first soprano.
The soprano that sang 2 and a half octaves above middle C
at the end of all the jazz songs.
Now,
after a few years being graduated from high school
I know why.
But, maybe in my older age/next life
I can sing these powerful notes,
and these powerful words.
But, until I can,
enjoy
THIS.

Once again,
prepare yourself for peace.
Overwhelming
perfect
peace.

Free of doubt,
free of fear.
I'll do whatever it takes
to stay
In His embrace.

Another tender mercy.
I am so grateful.

Let HIM heal your heart.

This post is going to be about
my brothers
revelation
infertility
and a forewarning.

First, the forewarning:
Don't judge me because of this post.
Don't assume that because two of my incredible brothers
just had babies,
that I am feeling sorry for myself.
Don't assume that I am filled with jealousy or envy.
Please understand that infertility is a tender subject;
one that affects the Johnson household;

Second, my brothers:
Realize that my brothers and I are 4 kids in 5 years, and so because of that,
and the fact we are all married,
our lives are all very similar in some ways:
We all have incredible spouses
and agree that my spouse is the best
(haha...if any of my brothers read this, they will totally get it!!!)
We served missions within the same few years
We went to college during some of the same years
we are starting our families at relatively similar times.

This being said,
once again
do not assume that
their happiness is what makes me sad.
Nope, their happiness fills me with happiness.

To be perfectly clear:

Hearing that my little brother Dan, had become a dad,
was a sacred and a beautiful moment.
It made me remember the joy of holding a perfect little baby the first time.
I was overcome with joy.
The tired phone call that included a beautiful giggle from him saying,
"sis, she is so pretty, and we are so happy to have her," made my eyes fill with tears.

My older brother and I got are 12 months and two weeks apart.
We got married two weeks apart.
We became parents within a few months of each other.
When he came to me with a big hug and said,
"You are a mommy,"
I was overcome with joy at the tenderness of the moment.
When he became a daddy,
I knew our sons would be good friends.
We have enjoyed talking about bed time, potty training, and other parenting techniques.

My youngest brother does not have kids yet,
but he almost has a PhD,
and he has Gus Gus.
We love that puppy.
My brother's capacity to love
has always astounded me.
He worked EFY with me
before his mission.
Some may not realize what an incredible and amazing
miracle that is, but EFY as a general rule doesn't hire pre-missionary boys.
His first week, he had naughty naughty boys, that were his same age.
He loved them, and he knew the importance of teaching them simple doctrine.
I know he will be a great dad someday.

Third, revelation and infertility:

The Lord has promised that I will have more kids.
He has been very clear with me about this promise.
For that, I am extremely grateful.

But, last night, I was weary.
I have been ready for another baby
for over a year.
to be perfectly honest, I have been ready for triplets
for 3 years.
I have sincerely asked the Lord for children,
and three quarters of me really believes that 6 at a time would be great.
But, for some reason,
unknown to me
the Lord has withheld the numberless concourses of children in my home.
please don't think for a second that I am showing ingratitude for the incredible, and valiant future missionaries who love the Lord, and are good boys,
that we are raising in our home.
We love them.
We are in love with them.
But, longing sometimes takes over
and, last night I was weary.
I believe that our family will increase soon.
soon, being a relative term,
No, I AM NOT PREGNANT
NO, WE HAVE NOT BEEN CHOSEN BY A BIRTHMOTHER
but,
last night I was tired,
and I wanted specifics.

Yes,
I wanted to know the day we would have another baby.
I wanted an answer last night, within seconds of an Amen.
I wanted to be rid of the trial of patience and faith
(haha!!!)
and just know.

But, the Lord didn't give me that.
He let me cry,
and as I separated myself, for just a moment
from the beautiful blessing of the Holy Ghost,
I realized that I needed to be
humble
patient
full of love
(Yes, thank you King Benjamin)

So,
I apologized,
and then pleaded for those things
that moments earlier
I did not want any part of.

And, today, out of the blue,
He dealt
gently with my longing.
He buoyed me up
amidst the sea of infertility.
He spoke to my heart.
He pierced my soul, and I was flooded
with the overwhelming love that
I pleaded for.

As I sat at the piano and played a song that deals with the changing heart of sin,
I was filled with how the Lord understands
ME.
while I was not in the same position as
perhaps the sinner in the song,
the cure I needed was exactly the same:

LET HIM HEAL YOUR HEART.
Tyler Castleton:
(click on the title to listen to the words)

who can know the heartache you are feeling deep inside
who can know the burdens you've carried all your life?
Darkness fills the daylight and the road is much too long
Where are heaven's answers and the strength to carry on?
when the night is lonely, and your pride and fear depart
when the tears have fallen, and the questions fill your heart
Think of How He loves you, how He longs to bring you home
Reach out for His guidance.
He has walked your path alone.

Let Him heal your heart,
Remember every promise He has made
Reach into your soul,
forsake a life of sin
and, He will shine the light inside again.
Let Him help you start
To live again,
and feel His endless love.
Let Him hold and teach you
Love and reach you
Let Him heal your heart

bum bum bum bum bum....

I have been doing pilates for 12 weeks.

I have some amazing girl friends
who
LOVE
to do pilates with me at crazy hours of the night and day.
I have also recently acquired a jogging stroller, and
my boys LOVE to go for runs.

So, you might wonder, why the love for exercise?
I like to exercise.
I exercised all growing up,
through college, and while David went
through Law School.

but more importantly,

4 months ago,
I went to see a fertility doctor.
Among other things she said
"you are obese."
it was a plain and simple statement.

You know what?
I can look at a weight chart and see that I had some weight to lose,
and so it didn't hurt my feelings.
OBESE was a little harsh, but nonetheless,

I TOLD HER:
that I liked the way I was
(and I meant it.)
I like me.
I know my husband likes me.
I didn't want weight to be an overwhelming issue in our home.
I wanted
for my kids to be healthy,
AND like who they were in the process.
(Especially where young women will be concerned, as it relates to my boys--
I want them to date and marry girls who KNOW who they are in the beautiful plan,
and who like themselves.
When my boys are 16,
I still want them to look in the mirror and say,
"I am handsome. I look amazing!")

BUT, then Dr C.
said something that stung a little

"Well, all I'm saying is, I have all the kids I want to have.
If you don't want to have any more kids, and you want to look the way you do,
then stay the weight you are."

Ouch.

So, I became motivated.
Thanks to one specific girlfriend,
who is a weight watcher super star,
and a couple of neighbors,
who LOVE pilates
I found the inner desire to do what I needed to do.

After all,
If what the doctor was saying was true,
then I should be able to get pregnant this year!
Hopefully she's right.

if not, I know a great lawyer
haha.

That being said:

I feel so happy, and I have learned
that
food is not a weakness for me.
I don't eat when I'm sad, or stressed,or emotional.
I just needed some basic guidelines, which I have received now,
to inform me on what is the right amount of food to eat!

I am half-way through my weight loss journey.
I have lost 19.4 pounds in 12 weeks


and I will laugh so hard, if you tell me I look good from this picture.
Before and after pictures coming in a few more months.!
Stay tuned!

Every Day Dream Job

Today,
I just wanted to post some pictures of our family.
we are loving life in Arizona.
This is the first calendar year of our marriage, that we have
not been in school.
David is a real-timer ;
the most handsome attorney Pima County has ever seen.
and,
I honestly could not ask for a better job.
Playing house is the dream of so many young girls;
it was my dream too.
and I am glad that I am at a point in my life
with a college degree
having served a mission
having traveled as much as I could
married to my best friend,
and my number one fan forever,
and
now
I
get to stay home
and see my boys when they wake up
and kiss their perfect,dirty, little-boy faces,
and give them tubbies,
and read them stories
and play with bugs and cars,
and learn cool tricks,like climbing trees,
and jumping on to the couch from the coffee table,
and sing to them before I lay them in bed,
and laugh when they laugh

AND

I get to be home
and look good
(let's be honest, I always comb my hair, and put a clean shirt on,
and freshen my make-up before David gets home, so he can remember the girl he dated,)
and make dinner,
and iron clothes
(I love doing that)
and pack his lunch,
and clean the bathrooms
and get the first kiss when David gets home.

What else could one girl ask for?
I feel incredibly blessed every day.
We know it is time to keep building our family,
and our first adoption interview with LDSFS is February 5th,

but in the mean time,

ENJOY my life;
my full-time job;
my dream job!